+Lent2010: Ash Wednesday and the Lenten Journey+

So typically people give something up for lent. However, I have decided to add something on. I know, I know, I'm already so busy. But that's the point. This is a different kind of adding on. Sacrificing something for Lent helps you focus on that one thing. With that said, I am focusing on my spirituality. I have committed to meditating for 5 minutes a day (just 5...) and blogging about the meditation for the day. I get the Daily UCC Devotional and the Inward/Outward post, AND I have the Episcopal Relief and Development Lenten Devotional (ERDLD). Between the three of these, I will find something to blog about daily. This gives me time to separate myself from the academia of my final semester and the craziness of everyday life.

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logistics: I will start with the scripture or an excerpt (depending on the source about which I am writing) followed my by thoughts.

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"So this is the dilemma: remembering that God is all loving and all forgiving, and at the same time accepting accountability for the fact that we just don't get it." (ERDLD)

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One of my friends is a Young Adult Volunteer through the PCUSA and is located at Vanderbilt University as an assistant in the Chaplain's Office. She was telling me the other day that she has to write the reflection for tonight's Ash Wednesday service but was struggling for words. To help her, I gave her my thoughts. I said, "You know, I think Ash Wednesday is about humbling ourselves and recognizing our humanity and mortality all in the same day. From dust we were made and to dust we shall return. It reminds us that we are insignificant little specks in history and on this earth. But despite our status, God still loves us." When we, as dust, drift too far God pulls us back in and forgives us. No matter what, God loves us and cares for us. So often we are expected to be everything and do everything and care for everything and achieve everything and love everyone and be with everyone and love God all at the same time. But we are just dust. We don't need to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. And most of the time (for me anyway) loving God comes last on that list. Spending time with God is the last thing on my mind when I have hundreds of pages to read and several pages to write, meetings to attend and people to care for. But guess what

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God forgives us. And God loves us.

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So this Lent I am committing myself to meditating and blogging. Spending time with God in silence and through the typed word. I am letting myself be vulnerable to you all who read. But that's what being dust is all about. Being vulnerable and being messy and knowing... that no matter what...

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God still loves us.

+--Sabbath--+

It's only the first weekend at school and I'm stressed.

Same story as usual, right?

yea.

But this time it's good because i'm learning how to manage it. We read Wayne Muller's "Sabbath" at church a few years ago. It has amazing advice and thoughts on how to stay connected to God and yourself in those days when it seems like you have way too much to do for the time allowed.

But God is funny...

1) I get the i.ucc daily devotional and some days it's a bother because it's just something else to read. But sometimes it's really good and really worth reading. This morning it was about surrendering and how you just have to let God do God's job... "let God be God." Yea, I forget about that. I will get my stuff done, no matter how overwhelmed I am. I always do.

2) My iCalendar on my computer doesn't allow you to put anything in it past 11:15pm. I think that's on purpose. The best part about this is that as soon as I got my homework assignment for my art class done and was planning to hop into bed, my clock said 11:14. Nice timing, eh? Well, then I decided to blog so it will be later than that, but God's doing God's job... and i'm allowing for that.

3) We learned on our interfaith retreat two weekends ago that we need to fill our buckets. [insert witty comment about buckets] This has helped me process the fact that I have various friends on campus but only a few really good ones. With this in mind, I have to allow myself to fill my bucket. I can hear you all now: ok, ok, but what does it mean to fill your bucket?! Well, let me tell you. Surround yourself with the people that love you. Surround yourself with family who love you. Surround yourself with people and activities that allow you to be who you are and help you be the best "you" you can be. Do things you like doing. Only do the things you don't like doing when you have to. Have fun. This is why I spend the majority of my time in the Niebuhr Center where people love me and care for me and want to spend time with me. I do this because I don't want to be in my room where some of my roommates complain tirelessly and do unproductive things. I love them, but they can be exhausting sometimes. So, fill your bucket with love.

This is what I've learned. And i'm doing pretty well at putting it into practice.

Let's recap, shall we?

1. Let God be God.

2. Stop doing things at 11:15 and rest.

3. Fill your bucket.

That's a pretty good list, if I do say so myself.

On the note of Sabbath, I'm cutting a chunk out of my Saturday's so that after 4pm I do not do any homework. That allows me time to regroup, have fun and rest. Even though it's only a little bit of free time, it's good to just... be.

Oh, and let me add another point...

4. Keep breathing.

+appalled+

I am appalled at our world.

It would cost $10 billion less to get Basic Education, water and sanitation, reproductive health for all women, and basic health and nutrition for ALL than the amount of money spent in Europe on cigarettes...

are you kidding me?

We HAVE to do something about this...

Global Priority	$U.S. Billions
Cosmetics in the United States	8
Ice cream in Europe	11
Perfumes in Europe and the United States	12
Pet foods in Europe and the United States	17
Business entertainment in Japan	35
Cigarettes in Europe	50
Alcoholic drinks in Europe	105
Narcotics drugs in the world	400
Military spending in the world	780

And compare that to what was estimated as additional costs to achieve universal access to basic social services in all developing countries:

Global Priority	$U.S. Billions
Basic education for all	6
Water and sanitation for all	9
Reproductive health for all women	12
Basic health and nutrition	13

^Source31

+comfort+

I dont know if anyone reads this anymore, but i have just a few thoughts.

I went to church this morning empty handed and came back with a purse full of literature.

Bethel UCC in Elmhurst is the most welcoming, loving, beautiful church i know. I would say this about FCCBC but I don't know what it's like to be a stranger there. I love this church. I always have. I would have done my internship with them, but I had a thing against going to a church that had JUST had an intern (the previous semester).

ANYWAY back to my story.. I get there and I always feel so welcome. Several people greet me, and not just with "hi" but with questions and the like. I met at least 5 new people today and it was fabulous. They invited me to stay for fellowship hour and to come again and to attend various events. It was such a fabulous environment. Not to mention their sanctuary is modern and simple and gorgeous.

Their pastor is able to be in a conversation kind of mode while he preaches as he stands behind the podium but leans forward to rest his arm on it.

I don't know how to describe this... maybe you too have experienced it... but its so much more comfortable than the other two church in town, even though I interned at one. (And not to say I don't like them, I just like going somewhere where I know I will be welcomed and talked to.)

I suppose that's all... A place to call home. I think I'm going to start attending there fairly regularly... but there are still a few churches in the area I would like to explore too, so we'll see how things go. Bethel has a "contemporary" service the second sunday of the month.. i should check it out... I wonder what they consider contemporary...

Oh and did I mention they're the only ONA church in Elmhurst? Superb...

This is their sanctuary at Christmas...

+Home+

Being home is hard.

After being home for a week and a half I went to Guatemala for our 09 Mission trip.

I don't know a better word than "hard." It's like everything I knew was ripped out from under me... twice.

I got to Guatemala and couldn't process. All I could think about was how much I missed NZ and how similar some of the mountainous views were. We did a drive one day that was so much like driving on the South Island... I wanted to cry.

I didn't know where to be. I wanted to be present in Guatemala and for the most part, I was... But I think this part of me that wants to be in NZ is going to remain for ages because it was such a great experience with incredible people and it just went too fast.

So then I finally got comfortable in Guatemala and we had to leave. When I had my exit interview (something we're doing for a future video), all I could talk about was community... the community that surrounded me when we were sleeping on the floor of the DFW airport... the community that surrounded me at our first night of devotions... the community that surrounded me every morning at breakfast and night at dinner... the community that took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself (for those who don't know, I got a concussion... story for a later date).... the community that played the cup game endless times and variations... the community that laughed, lived, loved, sang, built, and cried together for ten days. It was the best mission trip anyone could ask for and I was there.

But then it was gone. We talk about mountain top experiences and how we have to come down from them to continue doing our work in the world off the mountain top... but sometimes I wish we could stay... just a little longer.

So two back to back incredible experiences... how does one cope?

I want to process but I think my brain is exhausted from it... It's ok... i'm not concerned... i'll process and think about it when I need to.

But for now...

I need to let it all soak in....

and might as well mention, 24 days till I reunite myself with the third most wonderful place on the planet... Elmhurst College.