[Violation and Love]

Below is the article I wrote for the Nov. church newsletter.
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Sometime between 6 and 8:30pm on Thursday September 23rd, my community's house was broken into and burglarized. Two doors were found open, a screen taken off and window opened, a drawer thrown onto someone's bed. Immediately I realized two computers, someone's purse, and a whole bunch of precious jewelry. Gone. Sensations of violation and anxiety rushed to my head and my heart. It felt as though the ground had fallen out beneath me. I was panic stricken and angry. My computer was gone. Someone had broken into our house. Trespassed our private property. Violated our space and our being.

One of my all time favorite songs is by the Gabe Dixon Band and says, "All will be well... even after all the promises you've broken to yourself." On some level, I promised myself I would be safe. We all knew going into JVC that nothing was guaranteed. We were told to not bring valuables with us for the year because theft was always possible. But never... NEVER did I think that it would be us. For the first time in my relationship with this song I thought, no... all will NOT be well. Our safety has been tossed to the wind and blown away. Our sense of comfort was suddenly no where to be found. The police, who we called three times over the course of 4 hours, never showed up that night. We felt ignored. JVC couldn't do anything for us at the time and our landlord wouldn't answer his door. We felt helpless.

With that said, I have two options: The first is to explain to you my "God moment" when I realized that my cup overflows from all the people that love me and support me. Then there's the second: to explain some thoughts surrounding the feelings of violation, which, believe it or not, was also a "God moment." Because I couldn't decide which to share with you, here are two different alternate endings, if you will, that came from this experience.

ONE: Of course, I immediately called my mother. Then I called two of the most comforting and beloved friends in my life. Both of them in some way told me to look for God's blessing or to just simply look for God in the situation. My friend Zayna said to me, "I know it will be hard to see but God is there for you somehow right now. Keep an eye out." What God said in her words was "keep an ear out" because in those moments of feeling helpless, alone, violated and angry, I had found God in the conversations that happened that night. I realized that the love and support from people in my life outweighed all the awful feelings that came from this experience.

Yes, our house was broken into, our stuff was stolen, and our safety was now in question. However, God's faithfulness to and love for us overcomes all the fear and anxiety and danger that has settled in my heart. We sang in church this week, "Great is Your faithfulness, great is Your faithfulness. All I have needed, the Lord has provided... strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow. Great is Your faithfulness, God unto me." I have never believed that more than I do right now in the midst of chaos. God has been faithful through and through. With every breath I take these days I praise my Creator because with God "all will [always] be well."

TWO: Reflect back: In what ways have you experienced violation before? (And don't look over those "small" violations... because any size violation is violation.) It is an awful feeling, right? If violation is not something you experience everyday, reflect on how you dealt with it the first time for a moment...It's been a week (as I write this) and I am still stuck in this reflection. For a few days following the robbery I tried to make sense of it. Make sense of what I was feeling, what I was thinking, how to respond, what to do, what to say, how to express my anger. Then it hit me. I realized that it wasn't that easy to process particularely because I had never been violated before.

The night we were robbed I realized that my clients here at My Friend's Place and, for that matter, vulnerable people all around the world are violated every day. Whether their possessions get stolen, their bodies get used, or someone steals their identity, they are violated. On many occasions (a number which amounts to more than we could ever imagine) this happens every day of their lives. Some of the youth here at MFP get their stuff stolen daily. Others (if not the same youth) are taken advantage of because their mental illness does not allow them to comprehend the danger. The list could go on. However, here in Los Angeles I am experiencing a little bit of what the Jesuit Volunteer Corps really wanted me to experience. But more importantly, I am experiencing that to which Jesus calls us. I am living in solidarity with the poor and the vulnerable. It is a gift to experience this and I wouldn't trade these feelings for all I've learned.