States of BLISS & Yearning// The Discipline of Remembering

I've never thought of remembering as a primary discipline of the Christian faith. Bell is clear to state that we cannot think of discipline as negative, but rather as a branch of learning, like history is a discipline. Go it? Ok so then still, what does this mean? There are always disciplines that come easier than others. He makes the example of prayer... it should always be as natural as breathing... but there are still some instances in which we have to learn how to inhale and exhale... So you know, like when doing push ups and sit ups, you get so caught up in the doing that you forget to breathe...

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It is in remembering that we either realize that the past was more exciting than the present or, on the flip-side, worse than the present. "If, rather than accurately calling to mind the events of the past, we casually speculate, invent or embroider, then sentimentality or subjectivity may assume the mantle of truth; and an imagined past, ultra-bloody or rosier than the sunset, will replace reality" (19). Replacing reality is not what we're looking for.

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We've all done it... we've all been in a situation and wished... only hoped that it could be back to the "way it was." We always wish that... you know... we always say "Oh, I remember when things were like that... why can't we go back to that?" We do this instead of embracing the now. "There is a Back-to-Egypt brigade in every congregation, and there is a Back-to Egypt corner in every soul" (20) as in the face of uncertainties we would love to back to what was... even though, most likely, what was wasn't really even all that great.

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However, it isn't all bad. Remembering these things of the past allows us to bring emotional and spiritual energy to our current pessimistic feelings about the present situation. If we are accurately remembering we can really get a good look at our past and realize how far we have come. I recently looked back at last spring, as I was writing my sermon, and was thinking about how I accepted a leadership position on campus extremely hesitantly. But in that I realized that it has now been almost 9 months since I stepped into the role and I recognize how much I have grown and how much the organization has improved. On days when I think I can't do it, I remember that there was another time when I didn't think I could do it, but I have been doing it and so today is just another day.

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"Whenever you do this, do it to remember me," Jesus said as he broke bread at the table. This act of remembrance is liberating, Bell says. It is liberating because while we partake in this most sacred meal, we make known to ourselves the grace of God which transforms us and we re-present the reality of Christ's sacrifice. It is in this meal Christ is made known to us and made available to us. It is in this meal we recognize the love of Christ.

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Perhaps it is good to remember (haha) that the opposite of remembering is dismembering. And our society likes to think that the latter is the norm, the more prominent. We are dismembering families by targeting the volatility of youth. We are dismembering churches because we fail to unify as the body of Christ. We are dismembering the world because we fail to take action. But the spiritual discipline of the Christian faith is remembering.

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Through this remembering we "are put in touch with our roots in all their radicality and vulnerability" (24). Through remembering we understand that the God who has gotten us through the winters and good fridays of our lives will bring us to a new day once again. Remembering is a good habit-- as long as it is done in the right spirit. It takes time, but remembering can heal our pessimistic souls. Remembering Christ's love brings us to the depths of our spirituality. Remember, for it is makes known to us the possibility of re-experiencing the present in a new light.

States of BLISS & Yearning// Dubious Beatitudes

For the next twelve days I'll be reading through a book called "States of BLISS & Yearning" by John Bell, who is the founder of the Iona Community in Scotland (they're so cool. Look them up!). It is a book about "the marks and means of authentic Christian spirituality" and I thought it would be a good next step. We've discussed how to recognize vocation and how to survive even the depths... now we'll figure out what it means to truly be a Christian and what kind of spirituality one may have in order to survive those depths. This series of blogging will be different than the last. I will sort of give my own thoughts related to the chapter, but also on tangents... so read the book on your own because this isn't necessarily a summary of each chapter. I have a lot more of my own thoughts floating around. Make sense? Let's dive in...

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This first chapter is on "Dubious Beatitudes." Dubious can also mean doubtful and while Bell didn't say anything about this specifically, I think it's right for us to be an equal mix of doubtful and faithful. We have to remain faithful in all things just because that's what it means to be Christian. But as I have had explained to me before, Thomas was a disciple ahead of his time. He was asking legitimate questions about Jesus and questioning... if we're not questioning we're not opening ourselves up to the mystery of God and we're not allowing questions to ruminate in the deep depths of our souls. We can't ever know all the answers. On some level we have to accept the mystery and embrace the questions.

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Moses, David and Paul all have two major things in common... they were spiritual giants and they didn't have it easy. Between Moses's speech impediment and his bringing the Israelites to the promised land he had struggles. David was victorious for God since adolescence but also had to cope with the grief of being a murderer and adulterer. He was God's chosen, anointed by Samuel. Paul, having been changed from Saul, the persecutor was theologically astute and managed to deal with disputes among local churches. He then ended up persecuted for his faith and work.

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St Francis of Assisi, St. John of the Cross, Hildegard of Bingen, Julian of Norwich, Martin Luther, and St. Teresa of Avila (among numerous others) would all agree... they were spiritual giants who didn't have it easy. "All the true saints of God never got what they wanted, did what they liked, or lived on cloud nine" (11). I find myself relating as I am going off on a year of volunteer work. I am giving up my comfortable lifestyle to live with and among the poor, the prostitutes, the sick, and the rebellious. I will probably find myself struggling to make sense of it all, but then again, it only makes sense. It only makes sense that I would give a year of my life after having 21 years of comfort. I will never stand with Moses, David or Paul on their level of devotedness to God, but it is certainly something to look towards.

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"... Those who wish to know the deep joy and consolation of faith will be required to experience other less attractive depths" (15). And yes, L.A. will be full of less attractive depths but it is the sacrifice I must be willing to make in order to come to understand the fullness and meaning-fullness of faith in God. I want that. I want a more meaningful life and as I quoted Rev. Emily Joye McGaughy yesterday, "There's no getting out of the mess if you want a meaningful life." One cannot know joy without first knowing sorrow.

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How do you relate to God through your spirituality?

What kind of less attractive depths will you experience?

*Let your life speak: Ch. 6*

The concluding chapter of Palmer's book is a good one (but then again, which of them haven't been?). He takes the idea of vocation and talks about it in terms of seasons... This is really cool because when you think about it, seasons are never ending... No matter how hard we try, winter always comes after fall and summer always comes after spring. This is similar to how I feel about holy week... we always experience good fridays... our communal meals of maundy thursday... our resurrections, and everything in between... we experience it all as part of our life. And as we have been learning, even through the good fridays... and the winters, we keep on learning and growing.

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Autumn

I love autumn. It's still warm enough outside to golf... the leaves are pretty... it's still flip flop season. Autumn is a paradox within itself, though. We see the leaves eventually turning brown and dropping to the ground.. dying. As those leaves and other "things" from the tree fall though, we are reminded that seeds are being planted for the next spring. On the surface, we have this sad picture of foliage but what is really happening is the embedding of seeds for new growth. "How shall we understand autumn's testimony that death and elegance go hand in hand?" (99). Palmer explains that in a paradox, the two things do not cancel each other out, but rather "cohere in mysterious unity at the heart of reality" (99). They need each other.... just as we need life to understand death, and death to understand life. Autumn embodies wholeness.

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Winter

I'm not a fan of winter... I suppose I am really just not a fan of winter in the midwest. I like having distinct seasons. I just don't like the long drawn out snowy nights when it gets dark at 4pm. You have those days when you just feel too cold to function and your car won't start because it is just that cold. It's depressing. "The winters will drive you crazy until you learn to get out into them" (102). Palmer relates this (which he heard from a friend living in the upper midwest US) to vocation.... The fear and sadness that exists will overtake us if we don't address it. Remember, we can't BE the fear that holds us... we must replace that with the trust... faith ... and hope that is embodied in spring!

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Spring

This is probably my favorite season. It isn't too hot-- I can still play golf and go running without getting heat stroke-- and the flowers and trees are freshly blooming. It's gorgeous. The rain that comes, while I don't like it all the time, brings a nice, real green-ness to the grass... something no other season really provides. Palmer relates the word 'humus' (decayed vegetable matter that feeds plants) comes from the same root for 'humility.' "It helps me understand that the humiliating events of life, the events that leave 'mud on my face' or that 'make my name mud,' may create the fertile soil in which something new can grow" (103). So often we get caught up in the ugliness of life... and as the Rev. Emily Joye McGaughy has said, "There's no getting out of the mess if you want a meaningful life." We have to make it through winter to see spring... We have to understand that life is not always full of new growth. Sometimes things have to die in order for something to grow.

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Summer

Summer is just plain fun. There's always fun things going on, relaxation happening, and late night basketball games when it's light at 9:30pm. Palmer says, "Where I live, summer's keynote is abundance" (106). We are always in an ebb and flow process... sometimes we have produced an abundance. Other times we find life scarce. But, typically nature takes care of us with a good balance of both. When it comes to humanity (not agriculture) we have to create an abundance. "It is created when we have the sense to choose community, to come together to celebrate and share our common store" (107). Finding a sense of community creates an abundance of the non-tangible, and even some of the tangible. Not only are we able to give when others are in need, but we build that kind of place where people are comfortable enough to be vulnerable to receive what they need as well. "Community is abundance." We function on behalf of the whole, on behalf of each other and from that we are transformed. We must accept the abundant grace that comes with our common life together.

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We are constantly evolving, changing and transforming. We are living through the good fridays and winters so we can experience the easters and summers to their fullest.

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Be in community. Be transformed.

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Stay tuned for the next book based blog.

*Let your life speak: Ch. 5*

Palmer's chapter on leadership provides some really helpful points for all people. He starts by pointing out that we are made for community and if this is a fact, then leadership is everyone's vocation... "everyone follows and everyone leads" (74). This is so true... I know I am both leading and following in different capacities... but what I know to be more true is that we are made for community. I just wrote a sermon on being a part of community and how transforming it can be. (I'll post it when I'm done with it.) Community changes the way we look at the world... divine community helps us see the world the way God sees the world. And when we see the way God sees, we have the ability to comprehend the bigger picture and leaders who see the big picture are always the best leaders.

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A good leader, Palmer says, is able to recognize and understand the way "inner shadow and light" work in the world. "By failing to look at our shadows, we feed a dangerous delusion that leaders too often indulge: that our efforts are always well intended, our power is always benign, and the problem is always in those difficult people whom we are trying to lead!" (79). When we don't admit and recognize our faults, we fail as leaders. Good leadership comes from people who have figured out their inner darkness and can lead others "to a place of 'hidden wholeness' because they have been there and know the way" (81). Keeping ourselves spiritually centered is really important. Even if you are spiritual, recognizing when you need "me-time" is so important.

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I know that I will only stay sane if I do one of two things every day: pray (or do something spiritual) and go for a run or walk/ go play. Keeping myself centered is important for me as a leader and simply as a human, but also for everyone else. I know that when I'm unhealthy I'm stressed and angry at the world and that doesn't do ANYONE any good.

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As leaders we have to know who we are and claim it... it isn't the power or the position that defines us... it isn't the control or the knowledge we claim over others... "it depends only on the simple fact that we are children of God, valued in and for ourselves" (87). Once a leader recognizes this, suddenly their leadership becomes about the other... not themselves. It is about God and God's transformational love shone through others. The leader helps the community understand what it can do and allows other to do the rest. You see, there is this general sense of "functional atheism" even within the Christian community. They assume that "ultimate responsibility rests with us" (88). However, it says somewhere in scripture that we do what we can and God will take care of the rest. Caedemon's Call, a Christian band, sings in their song "Two Weeks in Africa", "We put the walls up but Jesus keeps them standing...He doesn't need us but he lets us put our hands in." We are a community infused with God's love and spirit to liberate the oppressed and feed the hungry.

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However, things don't always go as planned. For a long time (and to a little extent now) I had a fear of failure. No matter what I did, it felt like if I didn't do it well enough I failed. And failing seemed so extreme but I didn't know what else to call it. Palmer relates this same feeling to the denial of death... But he says (in the spirit of Easter), that death touches everything... but death does not have the last word. "By allowing something to die when its time is due, we create the conditions under which new life can emerge" (91). This has been so important to me over the past couple years as I have learned to work with my failures and find the growth within them.

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Our inner self is private, right, because it's INNER. But the beauty about community is that it asks us the questions that can only be answered when we look into our inner self. Our communities ask the questions that get to the core of our being. We can't be fearful of others... we can't be afraid of vulnerability... we have to embrace it and accept it. Palmer reminds us that religion was only ever born out of fear... they "originated in the struggle to overcome this ancient enemy" (93). Be not afraid. Everyone has fear... Be not afraid means... literally... do not BE the fear we have. Replace that fear with trust, hope and faith.

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That's when we can be good leaders.

When we have fear, but do not embody it...

When we embrace community as helping our inner selves...

When we accept our faults but learn how to use them to grow...

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"Now we stand on ground that will support us, ground from which we can lead others toward a more trustworthy, more hopeful, more faithful way of being in the world" (94).

=Practice Resurrection=

Below is a piece written by Wendell Berry and was used for Inward/Outward's daily blog. It reminds us to practice the resurrection in all that we do because resurrection means liberation...

Manifesto: the Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion--put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.

Practice resurrection.