[double rainbow]

This is what we (both staff and clients) saw at 4:15 at work today:

I think it speaks for itself...

[decisions]

The hardest decision I had to make on Wednesday was which kind of whipped cream to buy...

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May God be with those whose life are dependent upon their decisions.

[Bird and the Bee]

I saw this band...

at this venue..

So.good.

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Thank you Kat :)

[homeless]

A while back I read an article that talked about a business/marketing head honcho who approached a homeless person that was panhandling on the side of the freeway. The homeless guy was holding a sign that said something to the effect of "Homeless. Hungry. Please help." The business man found a new piece of cardboard and a sharpie and wrote on it: "What if you were homeless?" He gave the sign to the homeless man who then had a great influx of cash/food.

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I told this story to a client today and we changed his sign to say the same. He was willing to be my guinea pig.

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Hopefully it works.

[January]

Here's my January Congregationalist Article!

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“Behold, for I bring you good news of great joy!” And no, I’m not talking about Jesus. The great news I bring you, in case you have not heard, is that a few weeks ago I was accepted to the Masters of Divinity program at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, CA. The wait is finally over!! I can suspect that my feelings of relief and certainty that have come from finally deciding on a school (and being accepted for that matter) are similar to what everyone was feeling when Jesus was born. You know? I mean, all this anticipation and build up for Jesus’ birth and finally when he arrived, angels were singing Gloria’s, Shepherds were praising God, and Mary had made it through the birthing process. (I’m sure she was more relieved than anyone!!) As for me, my three year process of researching and visiting schools has come to an end and let me tell you, I have been listening to the Hallelujah Chorus, as played by Mannheim Steamroller, over and over. (Check out my blog for a cool video of it!)

I visited PSR in October for a prospective student weekend called the “Ministry As Vocation Conference.” After that weekend I knew, without a doubt, that God was calling me to PSR. I met some incredible students and wonderful faculty, experienced the campus life as well as their worship services, and at the end of the day, I loved it. Over the past three years I have been searching for a seminary that gave me the warm fuzzies but instead (and even better) I found the first seminary that made me feel at home. Their classes are interesting, their community life is strong, their spirituality is evident in all things, and they strive for peace and justice at every turn. The campus is gorgeous and they are located on “Holy Hill” in Berkeley which has beautiful views of the Bay Area.

It’s no Baby Jesus but it is certainly exciting news in my world. Thank you all for your support through this long process. I am surrounded by “so great a cloud of witnesses” and for that, I praise God. For more of my thoughts on PSR, check out my blog. For more info on PSR, visit their website www.psr.edu. If you have questions for me, do not hesitate to call/email. You have my information!

Peace, love and all things good,

Emily

[hallelujahs]

here's to getting into PSR....

[surrounded]

For those of you who don't know (although, I've been proclaiming it proudly) I was accepted to the Masters of Divinity program at the Pacific School of Religion (PSR) in Berkeley, California. I received my letter and paperwork last Saturday and filled it out immediately. My desire to go to PSR is no secret.
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I was accepted to seminary... GRAD SCHOOL. I am going to grad school next fall. How did that happen?
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All that hullabaloo to say that I have more than anyone could ask for. Not because I have an education to continue and a degree to attain, but because when I received that letter, a flood of people came to mind... people I needed to call or text or email to let them know that I had officially been accepted. Family, friends, pastors, church folk, mentors, professors, co-workers. And the best part was the reaction of my housemates... at one point, they almost seemed more excited than I. Let's just say my cup was overflowing with love and support and excitement.
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It didn't take much to make me realize that living this JVC life is interesting because while I am living "simply" and "with the least of these" and "on limited funds" I have a support system wider than I could ever ask for and for that I am thankful. I am thankful because I had people to call and those people were excited for me. When my clients get into school, or transitional housing, or a drug rehab program, for that matter, the people they get to tell are the Case Managers and Staff at My Friend's Place.

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Can you just imagine?

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I have so taken for granted the people in my life... and to you all, I apologize. I am "surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses." Thank you. My love goes out to all of you over and over again.

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Praise be to Jesus Christ.

[the Gospel]

I believe in the power of [the] Gospel.

[A Moment of Silence]

A spoken word piece by Doria Roberts.
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A moment of silence for justice
A moment of silence for our rights bein wronged
A moment of silence for an eye for an eye
A moment of silence instead of lies
A moment of silence for the neighborhoods of my youth
A moment of silence for minimum wage
A moment of silence for the daily death of dreams
for the invisible man and his place to be seen
A moment of silence for her unborn child
A moment of silence for that moment of truth
A moment of silence for the labor of choice
A moment of silence for the silenced voice
You say this is no time for silence
There is no place for the quiet ride
Your voice is steady and you're ready to use it
and if its not heard you're liable to lose it.
Well I don't always take the path of the Samurai.
I don't always play the part of the passionate poet.
My enemies you know, I seldom warn em.

All these moments of silence are the calm before the storm.
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This speaks so much to the important of silence in our lives.
God, give me the grace to rest in silence.
"A moment of silence for the silenced voice." Yes. Yes. Yes.

[Magnificat, Magnificat]

Here is the article I wrote for the December Congregationalist. (If you feel the need to read the scripture referenced, you can find it here.)

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Well, Thanksgiving is in a couple weeks and here I am writing for the December newsletter already. It's hard to get in the Christmas spirit when a) it's November, b) it's 85 Degrees outside and c) I'm so far removed from anything related to the holidays. With that said, however, here I am to deliver yet again another article of some sort for your reading pleasure. I decided that instead of writing a narrative about my life I would rewrite Mary's Song of Praise. In Luke chapter 1, Mary has gone off to Elizabeth's house to seek refuge and get away from Nazareth for a few months after finding out she was pregnant. When Elizabeth greets Mary with praise saying, "Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb," Mary responds in a joyous song. Known as the "Magnificat," Mary sings her praises to God as an act of faith and proclaims the greatness of God. As I read over these verses I felt a deep connection with Mary. (And to be honest, quite possibly my first connection with Mary... ever.) Her desire to praise God is one for which I long and one that I admire. I found in her words praise for the work that I am doing at My Friend's Place, praise for God's work in my life, and praise for God's people. What song of praise do you have to lift to God in this hol(y)day season?

Emily's Song of Praise

My soul reaches out to God and praises God with great magnitude;

my spirit dances to the abstract rhythm of the Holy Spirit,

for God has embraced the loneliest of the lonely.

God, my life-source, has blessed me from the beginning with

experiences, people, and places.

Praise be to the Divine for all things bright and beautiful.

God has shown mercy to those who stand in awe of Her goodness.

God has shown me care and compassion through case workers

and direct service counselors.

She has looked down on all her people with concern.

God has knocked me off my high horse and given me insight

into the lives of these youth who are beautiful and unique.

God has used me to nourish the hungry stomachs of Her children with food

and their souls with hope.

God has helped me remember my heritage and history as a Christ-follower,

and as a member of the United Church of Christ;

a history that calls me to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with My God.

God promised a full life here and in the next

and for that I give thanks, for God's grace has showered me

and will continue to drench her people forever.

Praise be to the one whose birth we await,

Emmanuel, God with us.

And now for something completely different: I will miss you all this Christmas. Homelessness doesn't stop for the holiday season, so I must remain here in LA. Send traveling mercies with my family as they come to visit in December and know that I am thinking of you and praying for you all as the busyness of the holidays approach. Safe travels in all that snow and good luck bearing the frigid weather!

Peace, love, and all things good,

Emily

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You can listen to the Taize song, "Magnificat," here.

"Magnificat anima mea Dominum."

My soul doth magnify the Lord.

[transformation]

Just some thoughts on transformation via stream of consciousness. Let's first start by having you read my casamate Hannah's blog where she explains the situation. Read her blog here. Now that that's out of the way, allow me to reflect on this a bit.

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Some people say "Everything happens for a reason." With this phrase comes a harsh assumption: God allows bad things to happen to people. That word "allows" doesn't fly in my book. Leah spoke to this in a sermon (that can be found here) in which she explores the question "If God loves us, why do we suffer?" It speaks to the depth of grief we hold in our souls when we think God is behind the awful things that afflict us. So check it out when you get a chance (and then watch all of her others sermons. They're great:]).

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Nonetheless, here's what followed the discovery of Hannah's eaten shirt: a thorough cleaning of everything in that closet. Hannah mentioned some really nasty things but there was certainly more. It was a disgusting cave in there and we somehow (over the course of a couple hours) Dave, John, Hannah and I delivered it from its misery. We put stuff on the curb for people to take (which they did) and we threw things out (filling up all our curbside trash cans) and we cleaned everything with clorox and a vacuum. By the time we were done with that, I was on a cleaning spree which led to the makeover of our cluttered living and dining rooms. By the time we were done, the first floor looked marvelous. I stood outside the newly renamed "Shitless closet" door with Hannah, looked at it, and said, "See what transformation can come from such a gross and awful thing?" We laughed, she told me to blog about it, and so here we are.

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Also, as Hannah mentioned in her blog, she has been the recipient of a lot of unfortunate things over the past few months: computer and jewelry stolen, scabies (hope that was public knowledge...haha), moths eating her clothes... let's just say it hasn't been picture perfect (although, whose life ever is?). Some may say that God is punishing her for X Y or Z, but in fact, I think "shit happens" and God helps you deal with it. We are supposed to turn to God when we are "afflicted in every way... perplexed... persecuted... and struck down"** and trust that with our faith and God's love for us, somehow we will not be "crushed... driven to despair... forsaken... or destroyed."** So, no, God isn't taking anything out on Hannah.

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Instead this is our opporutnity to recognize the importance of transformation. And while sometimes it may be spiritual transformation or physical transformation, other times it can be a literal and material transformation. We were given the opportunity to totally revamp our closet and while it may have been disgusting for reasons we'd rather not discuss, it was re-energizing. I can now walk out of the bathroom and not feel anxious and overwhelmed for half a second when I see all the shit laying around in the closet. It is literally like taking a breath of fresh air look in there. And for that, I praise God because breathing is important (... duh). I guess that's what having faith is like... breathing. In one aspect it is much harder than breathing... but being able to take a deep breath after being in the midst of affliction is transformative in itself. Whenever I'm in deep conversation about matters of faith or am in the middle of a stressful issue and I finally feel settled about the issue at hand, I naturally take a deep breath, signifying that my heart is at some sort of resting point and I can walk away from the current issue. (Props to Leah for helping me figure that out about myself...)

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So tell me: what are your thoughts on transformation? What experiences of transformation have impacted your life greatly-- whether they are physical, material, literal, or spiritual?

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** These excerpts came from 2 Corinthians 4:7-18. I preached a sermon on this passage last summer and it can be found here in my blog.

[amazing grace]

THIS is the kind of grace I have experienced

[God]

It's moments like these when I realize and understand that God does exist and is an active force in my life.
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We were on our way home from work one night this week and decided to take the bus instead of the train thinking that rush hour was mostly over and it may be faster. As the bus ride progressed I began to realize that the bus ride is taking a lot longer than planned. Thoughts rushed through my head: "we should have taken then train. This is taking forever. It's crowded and loud. I'm really tired and just want to be at home. Why did i decide to do this? Gah, that was stupid. We would have been better off on the train." Then, a seat opened up next to a middle-aged African American woman towards the front of the bus. I sat down next to her having no idea what was about to ensue.

She started playing the ringtones on her phone at a high volume. Then she noticed the Hispanic toddler sitting on his dad's lap across the way turn to look at her. She held her phone closer to him and started singing along. I could hardly understand the song... beat, yes. lyrics, no. She played the same ringtone about four times for him. He seemed less than enthused. Then she brought it back to her right ear which, on a bus, is not far from my left ear. For roughly 15 minutes we bounced and nodded and hummed and sang to about 6 different ringtones on her phone. I said to her, "I wish I knew the lyrics! I would totally sing along!" She didn't even take a breath to listen! She just kept being her joyful self and continued singing along.

"Now approaching Vermont and Olympic." It was my time to get off the bus. So I rose to head to the door, turned to her and said, "Thank you. You made my day." She asked me my name, I told her, and she said, "My name's Sandy. It's lovely meeting you. God Bless. Have a good night!" "You too Sandy!" And off I went.
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God surprises me all the time.
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Another moment that only proves to me that God exists in people.

Last week I took Thursday and Friday off of work. Monday when Dave and I get to the bus, we get on and the bus driver (who we tend to see more frequently than others) says, "You're back!!" Dave turned around and said, "She noticed you were gone."

Seriously, LA Metro drivers have awful jobs, as far as I can tell, and yet this bus driver payed enough attention to notice I was missing for a couple days.
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The ways in which I feel loved are sometimes the least expected.

[it's not ok]

Sexism has never been more apparent to me than it has been in these past few months. While most all -isms come up in my work-- racism, ageism, ableism, homophobism, etc-- none has been more apparent to me than sexism. I've never lived with guys before and my friend base has, for the most part, consisted solely of women for most of my life so perhaps this is the change that has propelled my sudden anger and rage towards comments and messages of blatant or accidental or hidden sexism and the over/misuse of women's bodies for any number of things.
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Let's start here: I know, I know... I set myself up for this: I am volunteering with a Catholic organization... but what kills me is that I have three incredibly passionate and intelligent women in my house who have never once thought of being in ordained ministry because in the religion they were raised, it isn't allowed. I had a conversation with another female JV the other day who sounded really passionate about the church and wanting to become a lay person within the Catholic Church. However, it was discouraging because I see in her qualities for church leadership, but she won't grasp onto them because she feels as though she can't go farther than a lay position. On one hand I respect the commitment to one's tradition... but when your tradition stifles your Holy call in the world, something's not right.
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Then there are the comments. We have gotten into debates within our house because one of the guys said something they didn't realize was offensive. Fortunately, we accept it as a learning moment and move on. But when those kinds of comments are repeated over and over with no regard for another person's gender, it's not ok. I walked into the house today after being out to lunch with Shannon... Dave and I engaged in conversation:

Dave: How was lunch?
Emily: It was great!
Dave: Did you have some good girl talk?
Emily: Um, firstly, no; secondly, I don't like that phrase. It suggests gossip and implies things.
Dave: Do you just hate everything with the word "girl" in it? And I don't think it means that.
Emily: Then what does it mean?
Dave: Talkin' about boys!
Emily: Um, no.
----
So, whether or not he was joking, I don't know. However, it's "jokes" like these that make me angry. They're unnecessary... particularly when guys make jokes abut them because they don't know how else to deal with the bigger problem. It's sad and pathetic.
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Then there's the more serious issue of safety. As far as I'm concerned, no man will ever understand what women go through walking down the street-- between the whistles and the "cat calls" and the comments, it is degrading. One of the guys in our house thinks it is ok to walk around downtown Los Angeles at 12:30am in the Warehouse District with three girls. Nothing about this screams "ok." I was told by a wise friend that when a group is together, you bend towards the most vulnerable... if that means a gay male, ok. If that means a female with past sexual trauma, ok. If that means the person that feels the least safe, ok. But you change your ways to accommodate for the vulnerable.
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Why is it that Rihanna gets abused and then sings lyrics such as, "I like the way it hurts." ?? What kind of message does that send? And why are other musical artists singing songs that speak of not wanting to disrespect a girl, but then lists off all the things he likes about her body? Why is that appealing to people? Our minds become numb to societal ills when these are the things we are fed.
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Society has built these assumptions about women that oppress them... us... in ways that cannot be broken. Why is it that my desire to show the world what I've got has to go through barricades of stigma and beliefs and societal walls based on lies and fear?
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How do we fight back? Education (as we are doing in our house) is a first step. But what can we do beyond that to stop the abuses?

[Psalm 118]

Love this. Love them. this is how I'm feeling these days.
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[sidenote... we need to decrease the use of "he" as a pronoun when referring to God...]

[food for thought]

Jesus said, “You will indeed listen, but never understand, and you will indeed look, but never perceive. For this people’s heart has grown dull, and their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes” (Matthew 13:14b-15a).
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“Today it is fashionable to talk about the poor. Unfortunately, it is not fashionable to talk with them.”

- Mother Teresa
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[sacred text]

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle.Don't burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy [people]; be inventive in hospitality.
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Romans 12:9-13 (Message version)

[Petey's]

this is why I love Petey's (the more affectionate name for our market at which we purchase the majority of our produce, PeterPan Market).
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13 apples
5 tomatoes
5 oranges
10 carrots
2 avocados
1 head of lettuce
5 peaches
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$11.10
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And we're supporting locally.
.
love it.

[music]

I love. love. love. love. that music breaks cultural barriers.
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When a Korean pop song manages to lay a tight beat, you know you're in good company. Even if you're surrounded by nothing familiar, a good rhythm really sooths the soul.
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[Violation and Love]

Below is the article I wrote for the Nov. church newsletter.
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Sometime between 6 and 8:30pm on Thursday September 23rd, my community's house was broken into and burglarized. Two doors were found open, a screen taken off and window opened, a drawer thrown onto someone's bed. Immediately I realized two computers, someone's purse, and a whole bunch of precious jewelry. Gone. Sensations of violation and anxiety rushed to my head and my heart. It felt as though the ground had fallen out beneath me. I was panic stricken and angry. My computer was gone. Someone had broken into our house. Trespassed our private property. Violated our space and our being.

One of my all time favorite songs is by the Gabe Dixon Band and says, "All will be well... even after all the promises you've broken to yourself." On some level, I promised myself I would be safe. We all knew going into JVC that nothing was guaranteed. We were told to not bring valuables with us for the year because theft was always possible. But never... NEVER did I think that it would be us. For the first time in my relationship with this song I thought, no... all will NOT be well. Our safety has been tossed to the wind and blown away. Our sense of comfort was suddenly no where to be found. The police, who we called three times over the course of 4 hours, never showed up that night. We felt ignored. JVC couldn't do anything for us at the time and our landlord wouldn't answer his door. We felt helpless.

With that said, I have two options: The first is to explain to you my "God moment" when I realized that my cup overflows from all the people that love me and support me. Then there's the second: to explain some thoughts surrounding the feelings of violation, which, believe it or not, was also a "God moment." Because I couldn't decide which to share with you, here are two different alternate endings, if you will, that came from this experience.

ONE: Of course, I immediately called my mother. Then I called two of the most comforting and beloved friends in my life. Both of them in some way told me to look for God's blessing or to just simply look for God in the situation. My friend Zayna said to me, "I know it will be hard to see but God is there for you somehow right now. Keep an eye out." What God said in her words was "keep an ear out" because in those moments of feeling helpless, alone, violated and angry, I had found God in the conversations that happened that night. I realized that the love and support from people in my life outweighed all the awful feelings that came from this experience.

Yes, our house was broken into, our stuff was stolen, and our safety was now in question. However, God's faithfulness to and love for us overcomes all the fear and anxiety and danger that has settled in my heart. We sang in church this week, "Great is Your faithfulness, great is Your faithfulness. All I have needed, the Lord has provided... strength for today, bright hope for tomorrow. Great is Your faithfulness, God unto me." I have never believed that more than I do right now in the midst of chaos. God has been faithful through and through. With every breath I take these days I praise my Creator because with God "all will [always] be well."

TWO: Reflect back: In what ways have you experienced violation before? (And don't look over those "small" violations... because any size violation is violation.) It is an awful feeling, right? If violation is not something you experience everyday, reflect on how you dealt with it the first time for a moment...It's been a week (as I write this) and I am still stuck in this reflection. For a few days following the robbery I tried to make sense of it. Make sense of what I was feeling, what I was thinking, how to respond, what to do, what to say, how to express my anger. Then it hit me. I realized that it wasn't that easy to process particularely because I had never been violated before.

The night we were robbed I realized that my clients here at My Friend's Place and, for that matter, vulnerable people all around the world are violated every day. Whether their possessions get stolen, their bodies get used, or someone steals their identity, they are violated. On many occasions (a number which amounts to more than we could ever imagine) this happens every day of their lives. Some of the youth here at MFP get their stuff stolen daily. Others (if not the same youth) are taken advantage of because their mental illness does not allow them to comprehend the danger. The list could go on. However, here in Los Angeles I am experiencing a little bit of what the Jesuit Volunteer Corps really wanted me to experience. But more importantly, I am experiencing that to which Jesus calls us. I am living in solidarity with the poor and the vulnerable. It is a gift to experience this and I wouldn't trade these feelings for all I've learned.

[love]

[Allow my head to think quickly and my fingers to type immediately for just a moment.]
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My heart has broken.
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I had realized this before but never to this extent.... the fact that some of these youth have no one in their lives to love them.
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A client told me today that he comes in to MFP everyday and thinks, "These [staff members] have good jobs, people to love them... they are livin' the life..." He's right. I have people to love me...
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I didn't realize how much the love of friends and family during the deepest, darkest moments of my life meant to me. How much that love flowed through me and encouraged me to keep on keeping on. I have taken love, one of the most precious gifts someone can give, for granted.
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But now I do realize that love is necessary. The mandates to "love your neighbor" and "love your enemies" are crucial. How could I ever forget that now? I can't. Love overflows.
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So, my job is to make him (and the rest of the clients) feel loved without overstepping boundaries. But how? Fortunately, I realized at the end of our conversation that he believes in God (that's one approach). I feel like saying, "God loves you... and wants the best for you... " but if I had been homeless and on the streets for 10+ years, I'm not sure how I would feel about that statement... then again, it isn't about me.
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I'm reading Copenhaver and Daniel's book, "This Odd and Wonderous Calling" (which is awesome by the way) and this morning I read a chapter on prayer by Copenhaver in which he explains the only way to learn how to pray is to pray. I suppose this means for me that the only way to learn how to talk about God and ask those questions of strangers is to do it.
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All I can do is try. Maybe it will work and maybe it won't. Here's to learning by trial and error in the efforts of making all people feel loved in some way.
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[choices]

Today I had my first real sense of being on a budget. Being a part of JVC, we are paid roughly $580 a month. Altogether there are seven of us in a house. Rent is roughly $2030 a month and we each get $100 a month for our personal stipend. After that, we get $90 a month for groceries. However, we compile that money giving us $630 for the month for all of us. Now, you must understand--rarely do I use my full stipend. I know I've only been at this for a month and a half, but I don't require much to survive. So let me explain what happened...
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At the beginning of this month, we took a trip and used the gas I had left in my tank... roughly 1/3 of a tank. That following Sunday before church, I was in somewhat of a rush but needing gas badly. So, I stopped at a gas station, only to realize you can't pay inside and can only pay by credit card. Well, since I only have cash per JVC, I had to use my credit card to purchase $40 worth of gas. Upon first thought I felt really bad about it. Then I decided, instead of just letting it go and feeling awful, I should take $40 out of my stipend for the month, go on $60 and call it good. That way, next month (which is rapidly approaching now) I can just take out $60 from our joint account for my stipend. I can't really figure out if that works right or not, but I think it did, so let's run with it.
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Now for the next part. I'm starting to get sick. Ugh. Not really timely, although if it is due to stress, that makes sense. I went to Walgreens after church today because I've been known to shake a cold with some Zicam and Orange Juice. And because my symptoms just started I thought this might work. We'll see if it actually does. However, I realized that I don't have enough cash left in my stipend for the month for both of those items. I needed an $9 bottle of Zicam and a $3 dollar bottle of orange juice. Ok, I had exactly $12 dollars left for the month. Well, then there's tax, right? So I had the other $40 from the gas purchase tucked away in my wallet. I had three options: A) Use my credit card and feel guilty B) use the rest of my stipend money and then some from the $40. C) Not purchase one of the items and hope I can still shake the cold.
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Let's explore the implications of this pending decision...
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One of the core values of JVC is simple living... hence the $100 stipend. I ran into a problem.. I don't *technically* have enough money to help make myself be not sick. For the the people in this world that are scraping by as a part of everyday reality, I finally have felt a little of your pain. However, I realize that most people who have hourly-wage paying jobs can lose their job at the drop of a hat if they have to take a sick day or miss a day of work because a member of their family is sick. Then once they lose their job they can wind up on the street homeless or scrape by on even less and try to find another job. Some illness's go untreated because the money to purchase the proper medication is not available. It's one of those decisions some people must make: feed my family or get proper medication? It must be a horrendous position to be in.
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I made the decision to buy both items, use part of next months stipend and go from there. I felt that with the current issues at hand (being robbed [more to come on that], handling the safety issues, stress at work) that it would be best to do whatever i can to get better as soon as possible.
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So as we are attempting to live in solidarity with people who experience these decisions everyday, choices have to be made. So maybe JVC and simple living and standing in solidarity this year isn't just about "doing as the Romans," per se. Perhaps the fact that I realize this and ask these questions and debate it is enough.
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May my desire to please God in this way be enough.

[MFP]

check it.
we do pretty good work.
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Click on this--> My Friend's Place

[simply]

It's amazing what can make you happiest when you're living the simplest.
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a successfully home-cooked meal
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a new lightbulb in the socket
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a clean bathroom sink
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the company of others
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a ride home from someone with a car
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a lone trip to the grocery store
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this picture i took at the Rose Garden:

[two things]

first things first: I equate the act of washing dishes to the act of washing of feet. that's all.
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secondly... go to Smithfield Bargain's myspace and listen to them. They are brilliant. It's deep and soulful and quirky and incredible. I am obsessed.

[Yom Kippur, 2010---I plead guilty]

Below is a piece written by Bradley Burston for the Huffington Post. It's a wonderful prayer and reflection on Yom Kippur. I think it definitely brings up sins and shortcomings where I would not have even thought to go. I struggle with "sin" language and discourse but I think instead of "pleading guilty" we should be reminded of our humanness. our vulnerability. It keeps us humble. We aren't God. We aren't perfect. We aren't unworthy failures. We are children who mess up but run back to a God whose arms are always wide open, waiting for us to return.
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Lord, prepare me to fast.

Help me turn this life around.

Help me look anew at people whom You made perfect, and whom life has made like me: wounded, nasty, guarded, bile-driven, vengeful, resigned, cynical, uncertain that what is broken, rust-bound, wrong-headed, can be turned around.

Pound on my heart. Find the list I have lost in there. Read it back to me, so I can't claim not to have heard.

This is the list: This is the year the war ends. This is the year I change the vocabulary of my blood. This is the year of pride in peace. This is the year when the world begins to turn around. This is the year when people, whoever their parents, are one color. The way You made them. Perfect.

Lord who created the brothers Ishmael and Isaac, Lord who makes victims to teach lessons, Who sustained them in expulsion and exile and binding and the shadow of murder, prepare me to detox from the war inside. Lord who created my ancestors, who left them as children with poison in the blood from fates they did not deserve, save me as you saved them.

On this day when we boycott the pleasures and distractions and feuds and art which medicate and blunt and crutch, cleanse us of the disappointments and the failures of this year, which we have come together this day, this fast, to bury.

This is the list:

Asham'nu - This is our confession. It is written that we will seek You out only when we admit that we have done wrong.

Bagadnu - We have betrayed You. We have made gods of stone and tile and asphalt.

Gazalnu - We have stolen, and called it reclaiming.

Dibarnu Dofi - We have learned to say one thing to the world, and something different to one other.

He'evinu V'hirshanu - We have caused others to sin. We have warped our tradition to suit the politics of the moment.

Zadnu - We have allowed our anger to overrule our judgment, our values, our compassion.

Hamasnu - We have been violent, and blamed the wrongdoing of others for our wrongdoing.

Tafalnu Sheker, Ya'atznu Ra, Kizavnu - We have lied to ourselves and others in order to justify our actions. We have given poor advice in order to serve our own ends. We have altered the truth to serve our aims, and spread the lie as if absolutely true.

Latznu - We have made light of the suffering and the humanity and the dreams of those who are unlike us.

Maradnu, Ni'atznu, Sarar'nu, Avinu - In the name of land, we have sanctified rebellion against leaders, our own and those of our allies. In our anger, we have taken vengeance against innocents, and sinned against nature.

Pashanu, Tzarar'nu, Kishinu Oref - We have committed crimes, we have persecuted others. We have been stubborn to an extreme, unbending and insensitive.

Rashanu, Shichatnu, Ti'avnu - We have engaged in wickedness, corruption, abhorrent acts.

Ta'inu, Ti'tanu, Sarnu M'mitzvo'techa - We have gone astray, we have been led astray, we have lost our way.

Lord of Ishmael and Isaac, for their sake if not for ours, heal our children and our childrens' children. For their sake if not for ours, grant them life, inscribe them for health, seal them for joy.

May our children see each other for what they are, sisters and brothers. And after all that they've gone through, for their sake if not for ours, inscribe them for a year of peace.

[everyday life]

So, now that I have internet at home, I have better blogging capabilities :) How lucky you are. So I thought I would update you all on my life at home. Firstly, here's my nook. And here's my other nook where all my posters from my wonderful church people reside.
I live in a robin's egg blue house that is shared with my korean landlord and his family (1137 1/2), as well as an hispanic family (1139). We live at 1137. We love it. It has total character and is filled with clutter here and there from the past few years of JVC kids. The couches are worn in, some chairs are broken, the shower curtain rod is being held up by a string, and the walls are thin. And we love it. That is true beauty, my friends. We have visited several of the other nearby JVC houses and ours is definitely the best. (Perhaps we're just biased.)
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Here are various pictures of my roommates (props to hannah for the pictures):

Here is John with a peg leg. Don't judge. He thinks he's a pirate... we don't tell him otherwise... (just kidding...)


This is Ben. He's from Texas. Again, Don't judge.
This boy has dance moves.


And here's everyone else. Dave (who's from Evanston), Hannah, my colombian chica who shimmies like no one I've ever seen, Kat, my roommate and a very cool cat... (hahah... no pun intended, although, I'm not sure that's even a pun.), and Shannon, the hilarious pizza cooking mastermind and my hiking buddy.
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My roommates are wonderful people who live and breath faith and social justice. We discuss the touchy subjects. We share in fellowship every day. We love each other despite our faults.
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Then I remember it's only been a month. We have eleven more months of this. We're excited about it. We're ready to face the challenges and the joys as they come. It's going to be a wild ride, folks. Buckle in and keep all extremities inside the vehicle.
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I'll leave you with this. Last week Shannon and I went for a hike in Will Rogers State Park. Here's one of the views from the top. It was REALLY nice to get out of the city and breathe some fresh air. There isn't much of it here.

[keep the hope]

This line of work can get really discouraging in a split second. Anything from a kid who was sober suddenly starts using again... to ... she got a job and forgot to show up one day so she loses that for which she worked so hard. It happens. Just like that. In the blink of an eye.
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But then there are those moments when you realize how much good [not just you but your organization] is doing. When you realize that the clients actually appreciate all that you're trying to do for them. And it isn't just about you feeling appreciated but it's about meeting the needs of the youth even when they seem to mess up over and over again. It's about giving them a shirt even though they just got one... but it's also about keeping them accountable. It's about the conversation and the relationship behind that shirt.
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I was walking to work this morning and as I came upon our building, I saw three of our clients hanging out on the sidewalk. A girl had just walked up to them and sat down. On her back she carried a sleeping bag attached to a large backpack full to the brim... which included a ukelele. They all acknowledged me and stopped me in my tracks. The clients were raving about MFP saying how awesome it was and telling the new girl about all our services. They then introduced me as one of the counselors at MFP and I introduced myself to her. They invited her in for our 10-11:30 drop in slot and I told them I would see them then.
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It's amazing to me that these kids love it here. Some days when fights break out and people get angry and people storm out, it seems like no one appreciates the work that goes into helping them. However, they are surviving day to day because of us, and it is our hope that we make a long lasting impact on them. So, here's to keeping the hope. The hope that they will be safe. The hope that they will get off the streets. The hope that they will become self-sustaining. That they will "live a life worthy of the calling to which [they] have been called" (Eph. 4).

[my neighbors]

This is the article I wrote for the October Congregationalist at FCCBC.
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A church member commented on my Facebook status the other day asking me, “Who is the most interesting person you have met?” to which I replied, “There are quite possibly too many to count.” My organization serves approximately 90 youth a day. We hand out the necessities (socks, underwear, razors, hygiene supplies) while providing showers, opportunities for case management, a clothing closet, life skills and employment workshops, and a space to safely rest and chill. Each morning and afternoon I help with various activities including handing out food, working the clothing closet and doing a weapon check. (Was that a gasp I just heard from 2000 miles away? Fret not. This is honestly the least worrisome part of my day.)

For those of you who know the beloved speedwood band, “Lost & Found” you most likely know their song in which they sing, “Ask who your neighbor might be, you’d be surprised to see… take a chance some times.” Every day I go into work and I take chances, over and over. I am interacting with our clients each day in an attempt to help them get back on their feet. I am building relationships with the youth who have been deemed “interesting” or perhaps just filthy: transsexuals, meth addicts, avid marijuana smokers, kids high as kites, pregnant girls, alcoholics, runaways… the list goes on.

Those are the titles that everyone else gives them. Do you want to know who I really serve? The kid who was kicked out of his house because his parents found out he is gay. The developmentally delayed girl whose mom just died and her dad didn’t feel like dealing with her anymore. The family whose medical bills were so outrageous they couldn’t afford to feed their child and keep up their lease. The guy who ran away from home because his parents are drug addicts. The girl whose father abused her physically, sexually and verbally. In other words: my neighbors, the children of God. These are the people I serve. These youth are some of the brightest and strongest people I have ever met. They are creative and talented and perseverant. Those are the kids I want people to see. The ones whose lives have been ruined by trauma but whose spirits are hopeful and whose motivation is greater than their fear. Go take some chances… after all, you never know who your neighbor might be.

[fear, faith and dinner guests]

Sunday in church we talked about Jesus in Luke 14:7-14. Well, it was more than just about Jesus. It was about Jesus standing up for the poor, crippled, destitute, and lonely [shock, shock]. He was explaining to the Pharisees with whom he was dining saying, “Do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
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In college we were told before every major event where trustees and board members would be in attendance to make sure we make friends with them and presented ourselves well so that we could make connections for our futures and maybe even impress them so much they donate more money. Higher Education is based upon this notion. In fact, most systems in the world today are based upon this greedy notion of reward. We’re even taught when we are little to be good so we can get more in return. However, when we do that, Jesus is asking us, “What are you doing?!”
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Last week I got into a little tiff with a client everyone tends to deem difficult. He got an attitude with me when I was instructed to do something by our executive director that left him confused and frustrated and angry with me. However, I too was just as confused. I was not told what was going on but I did was I was told anyway and ended up arguing with our client about the current situation. I told him I would help him figure it out as soon as possible, but for now he needed to just hold on until we got the situation under control. This was my first interaction with him… therefore leaving a negative impression. The employee in me said to go back and clarify the problem with the help of the executive director. The non-confrontational person in me said to just let it blow over. And the executive director said both were possible, as long as I attempted to make the next interaction a positive one. Let’s just say I’m still waiting to make my move…
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I could be like the Pharisees and ignore him, continuing to build rapport with the clients I enjoy talking to or the ones who seek me out consistently. I could do that.
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Or I could take the road less traveled by… the Jesus road… the road I trod gathering the disliked and hard to deal with and sit with them.
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Rev. Rachel this morning said, “It is fear that keeps us from being involved in what we know is right.” And she’s right. But I have overcome that fear many other times in my life. (Mostly in terms of my own discernment process and nothing yet that was life threatening or dangerous, but still.) I took a risk, stepped on the plane to New Zealand, and overcame my fear of being uncomfortable. I took a risk, applied to JVC, and moved to Los Angeles, overcoming my fear of being on my own. Rachel’s story was different than these moments, but I think the moments I have experienced build up allowing me to find and muster up courage for the struggle for justice and peace in my community and in the world.
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Rev. Rachel insisted that we must “be nice to the people that make us want to cross the street.” We must “be nice to the people who scare us.” We must “be nice to the people… the very last people.” I must be nice and continue to attempt to build a relationship with the client I dealt with last week.
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The other text for Sunday was Hebrews 13: 1-8, 15-16. (This passage begins with one of my new favorite phrases: “Let mutual love continue.”) In v.7 we are told, “Remember your leaders, those who spoke the word of God to you; consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.” This is something for which I have always yearned. I have some incredible and absolutely amazing mentors in my life. And when I look at where they have been, what they have gone through and how their faith has persisted through all of that, I am in awe. I stand among and learn from some unbelievably faithful people. And I am grateful… so, so grateful to be surrounded by that. Rev. Rachel said at the close of her sermon, “And if you need faith, take some of mine… I will sit with you and talk with you and set the table with you.”
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So take from the faith of your own mentors and leaders and friends, even. Invite the poor and the lonely and the crippled to dinner. Set the table for the people who make you nervous. And perhaps you will discover something more beautiful about God than you ever could have imagined.
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And perhaps we’ll have fewer empty stomachs to fill too…

[there's more to it]

just a general note... Cali weather is great, but I walked out with a jacket on because it was chilly this morning... by the time I got to work I was sweating... wow. something to get used to, that's for sure.
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On a more serious note... I was waiting for the subway last night and saw a woman who was yelling at the wall. It would be my guess that she was schitzophrenic but that's just an assupmtion. Either way, she was yelling at the wall to give her a belt because she didn't have one. "My pants are falling down and I need a f*cking belt! Give me a G-d Damn belt! Can't you see my pants are falling down?!" They were. They were at her knees and she was mildly exposed. I had about 30 seconds before the train was to come and I was really close to pulling off my belt and giving it to her.
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But then I realized, it's about so much more than just a belt...
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But if we are to do what Jesus calls us to, in that moment, perhaps it was JUST about the belt...
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i don't know...

[living the questions]

Here is a conversation that happened just this morning between myself and our executive director at MFP:
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heather: so, are you a coffee drinker?
emily: no. I'm not a big "hot drinks" person. I want to like tea, but I struggle with that too.
h: yea, I feel you on that.
e: And my roommates think I'm crazy because unlike some/most of them, I don't drink alcohol or coffee or smoke, so they ask me what it is I spend my money on.
h: so then what is it? Do you collect things? Do you like music?
e: Yea, I love music. But I don't know... it's not like I replace it with anything because I never started with any of it.
h: So then, what is it that makes you happy?
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We talk about living the faith questions of life all the time, right? Making sure we're constantly asking questions of ourselves that help us become more engaged in the text and with each other. But today, I'm living a different question. What makes me happy now probably won't be the same in ten years. So I'm living with it. I'm trying to figure it out. I don't know what makes me happiest. According to my last post, it is working in the church or for the church. But is that really it? Is that really what makes me happiest?
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So let me ask you that which Heather asked me... what is it that makes you happy?

[my love]

maybe I'm getting ahead of myself and maybe I'm making early assumptions... but God's call is God's call, right?
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I had a conversation with the Committee on Ministry of the SW Assoc. of the Michigan Conference of the UCC (phew, that's a mouthful) last December and they had asked questions of me and my year of service including: What happens if you get to the end of the year and don't want to go to seminary anymore? Will you follow that? Will you recognize it?
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That hit me like a ton of bricks. I got concerned and I opened myself up to God's call on my life. I thought that yea, maybe I would recognize it. I hoped that I would follow it, even though it wouldn't be what my heart had been set on for six years. But perhaps something new would arise in me.
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It hasn't.
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Don't get me wrong--I love the work that I'm doing here at MFP. Absolutely love it. But it isn't where my passions lie. I miss talking about the church... I miss having the deep theological conversations. I miss being in that environment. I love working for the [wider] church. And I know my work now is benefiting people all the same, but it isn't the same. I have to sneak on my computer at work in the morning just to read my Inward/Outward or Sojourners or Still Speaking Devotional. It's frustrating. And here at MFP, I can't even talk about my faith with the youth because we're not a religious organization... which is actually why I chose this place (which means I guess I can't complain). But I'm not trying to complain. I'm just recognizing and responding to God's call. I loved being at church on Sunday and singing NCH 391 by heart. I love blogging about theology and faith. I love talking with people about their spirituality and their relationship with God.
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[deep breath]
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I suppose this all means that this year, I need to be finding myself ways to do all these things outside the workplace.
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It is certainly the road less traveled by... and I guess we'll see where it leads, with God's help, of course.

[putting on an apron]

So here we are... one week of work down. I feel like I've been here for months. It's challenging, you know, managing everything and trying to be your best at work, contributing everything you can at home. It's not just challenging, it's exhausting, quite frankly. Being a grown up is hard. Manageable, most days, but hard.
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I've been going to church at Mt. Hollywood Congregational just a few miles from my house. The pastor, Rev. Rachel Cuipek-Reed is phenomenal. Her love and compassion and passion for the church and the congregation is more than evident in her words and actions. The church itself is small but has a huge spirit. Right now (read: it's summer) there are only a handful of people but it is incredibly diverse. I love it. Today Rachel preached on Jeremiah's call AND Jesus healing on the sabbath. It was a perfect mix of words to preach if for no one else, then me, this morning. Praise be to God. She talked about one of the presenters at a Church Revitilization conference she went to in Atlanta a few weeks ago. The presenter said that instead of helping the "new member class" gain their sea legs by offering his help and support through the coming weeks, he tells them to "Take off your bib and put on your apron... You can of course eat the meal, but you must also be the host. You can of course eat the meal, but you must prepare it."
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This was essentially the call of Jeremiah... "Do not say I am only a child...I have put my words in your mouth... I have appointed you a prophet to the nations... " Take off your bib and put on your apron. God provides for you to be the host and do your work as a part of the Kingdom of God... as a part of the church.
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In my hectic and chaotic days at My Friend's Place, I often get bothered by the busyness and forget the impact and importance of my work. But now i know. I need to strip myself of that bib and put on an apron because that was Jeremiah's call and that is my call too.

[Passover Remembered: by Allah Bozarth-Campbell]

(We were given this poem at orientation and it moved me to tears. I pray it does the same for you.)

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Pack nothing.
Bring only
your determination to serve
and your willingness to be free.

Don’t wait for the bread to rise.
Take nourishment for the journey,
but eat standing, be ready
to move at a moment’s notice.

Do not hesitate to leave
your old ways behind—
fear, silence, submission.

Only surrender to the need
of the time—to love
justice and walk humbly
with your God.

Do not take time
to explain to the neighbors.
Tell only a few trusted
friends and family members.

Then begin quickly,
before you have time
to sink back into
the old slavery.

Set out in the dark.
I will send fire
to warm and encourage you.
I will be with you in the fire
and I will be with you in the cloud.

You will learn to eat new food
and find refuge in new places.
I will give you dreams in the desert
to guide you safely to that place
you have not yet seen.
The stories you tell
one another around the fires
in the dark will make you
strong and wise.

Outsiders will attack you,
and some follow you,
and at times you will get weary
and turn on each other
from fear and fatigue and
blind forgetfulness.

You have been preparing
for this for hundreds of years.
I am sending you into the wilderness
to make a new way and to learn my ways
more deeply.

Some of you will be so changed
by weathers and wanderings
that even your closest friends
will have to learn your features
as though for the first time.

Some of you will not change at all.
Some will be abandoned
by your dearest loves
and misunderstood by those
who have known you since birth
and feel abandoned by you.
Some will find new friendships
in unlikely faces, and old friends
as faithful and true
as the pillar of God’s flame.

Sing songs as you go,
and hold close together.
You may at times grow confused
and lose your way.
Continue to call each other
by the names I’ve given you,
to help remember who you are.
You will get where you are going
by remembering who you are.
Touch each other and keep telling the
stories.

Make maps as you go
remembering the way back
from before you were born.

So you will be only the first
of many waves of deliverance on these
desert seas.
It is the first of many beginnings—
your Paschaltide.

Remain true to this mystery.
Pass on the whole story.
Do not go back.
I am with you now
and I am waiting for you.

[The Summons: by John Bell]

We sang this song at our missioning mass at orientation for JVC. It really struck me. Read it not just as lyrics, but as though God is speaking to you... right now.

The Summons by John Bell

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name? Will you go where you don’t know and never be the same? Will you let my love be shown, will you let my name be known, will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name? Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same? Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare? Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you let the blinded see if I but call your name? Will you set the pris’ners free and never be the same? Will you kiss the leper clean, and do such as this unseen, and admit to what I mean in you and you in me?

Will you love the ‘you’ you hide if I but call your name? Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same? Will you use the faith you’ve found to reshape the world around, through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

Lord, your summons echoes true when you but call my name. Let me turn and follow you and never be the same. In your company I’ll go where your love and footsteps show. Thus I’ll move and live and grow in you and you in me.

[life editing]

"Under constant revision is the poem that I be..." [Blue Scholars]

Here I am. under constant revision. Not the kind where you erase whatever's been written, but the kind of revision to which you add new and wonderful things. Life is constantly new and wonderful.

and under revision.
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"Writing what it is into what it ought to be..." Revision for me has always been a chore. Something that takes a lot more time to think about and work on than the original piece... whether that be poetry or a story or (heaven forbid) my history thesis. It was always a hassle. And I think that's mostly because it meant that the first time around wasn't good enough. I hate not being good enough.
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But now I've realized, thanks to the Blue Scholars and I guess props to God too, that it's never been about "not being good enough." It isn't even about improving. It's about building. Building upon. Building blocks. Building something new. Treading a different road. Having new experiences. Taking chances. Living life.
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That's what I did in Pittsburgh. That's what I did at Cornerstone. That's what I did in Guatemala. That's what I did in New Zealand.
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And that's what I'm doing here in LA.
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I'm giving myself more to work from. I'm learning from trial and error. And as much as I may hate it, it's good. It's humbling. I've never really understood that word... "humbling".... but now I get it. And it is an incredible feeling.
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Back to revisions. As a poem... my life is constantly being revised in the sense that I am building and adding and changing. That's what life is about. Being challenged and encouraged amid the revisions.
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Tell me, what parts of your poem are under revision? What have you experienced? What's being built? What's changing?
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Praise be to God for these things.

Go listen to Blue Scholars: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzDfFr-5Tbs

[beginning days]

"We don't have much"... "but it's enough."
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That was said in our house tonight and it really hit me. We are living simply. There's no doubt about it. Our house is bigger than we thought it would be, but it's simple, you know? Minimal furniture, not a whole ton on the walls, old stuff, in need of repairs, enough food... but not a lot.
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This JVC business is hard. It's a total learning experience. Don't get me wrong, I knew both of those things coming in, but it's now more real. We are not only working at a direct social service organization, but we are living in community, living simply, and cultivating our spiritualit[ies]. It's a lot of work. Not to mention, we have to get used to an entirely new [big] city.
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It's just a lot.
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But I'm ready for this challenge. I'm ready to see how God works in the lives of those who have little [meaning: both my community and those at my organization]. For those of you who haven't heard much about my org, it's amazing. The website is myfriendsplace.org. It is a drop-in resource center for homeless youth in hollywood/LA. We serve ages 12-25 and their children. We teach parenting classes, have a free clinic stop by, give youth a place to shower and get some hygiene supplies, have a meal, do employment workshops, help them learn how to use the internet effectively, offer them food and clothes to take home, and more. It's a safe place to hang out without judgement-- which is something they really need. We have a few hours for drop-in during the morning and then again in the afternoon. Last friday, we went to My Friend's Place (MFP, my organization) to meet up with Frank, my boss. He took us around the city to each of the organizations with which my casamates and I will be working. Dave, one of my casamates from Evanston, IL, is also working with me at MFP. Anyway, so Frank took us to see all of our places and everyone's org really fits them and we all love them. Here's the rundown:
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Kat: Caracen (Central American Resource Center)
Ben: Chrysalis (Homeless Employment Center)
John: Homeboy Industries (Gang -Rehab)--- LOOK THIS PLACE UP!
Shannon: Disability Rights Legal Center (self-explanatory)
Dave: MFP
Hannah: St. Francis Center (mostly a food bank)
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Needless to say, we will be having most excellent dinner conversation.
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So, like I said, we are doing more than just work. We have to figure out how to work as a community. We share our resources, our money, our time and our talents in order to make life feasible. Our first task when we got to the house was splitting up bedrooms. We have 5 of them and 7 of us, so four people have to share two bedrooms. We got it figured out after maybe two hours of talking and deciding what would be best. Ben and Dave are sharing one room, Kat and I are sharing the other (we have a balcony!). Everyone else has a single room. The second task was cleaning. Our house is not very clean. I mean, it just looks like groups of people have been living in it for a few years... which they have. Junk has just accumulated over the years so we went through the main floor these past two days and just cleaned it up and threw stuff out. There's a lot of JVC related stuff that we aren't getting rid of for nostalgia's sake, but otherwise, it's being pitched. We feel better about it already. Kat and I are going to start on our room today in the midst of doing laundry and shopping for non-food items.
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Speaking of food, yesterday went on our first grocery shopping trip. We managed to buy most of the basics and dinner supplies for around $90. We go to the PeterPan Market around the corner. Here's what I love about this situation... we are living in Koreatown, go to a Central American grocery store, and see all kinds of people everyday. Dorothy, we're not in the midwest anymore! And I love it. I've been craving diversity, and I finally got it! For the year we each receive $90 per person, per month for food. That gives us $630 to eat every month. I think we can do that. It sounds ok. We were left with a lot of food (some good, some bad/old) from the last people, so that helped some too. We'll be scraping the bottom of the bucket some months, but for now, "we have... enough."
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Last night (Saturday) we cooked the first meal for our house. Well, Hannah cooked the first meal for the house. Shannon helped her while the rest of us were cleaning the house. We're going to have some chores to divide up amongst us because while Hannah is a GREAT cook, we're going to need to share in all that responsibility. I've got Fried Green Tomatoes on my list to make :) Here's what we had:
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Parmesan Roasted Potatoes
Green Salad with tomatoes and avocado
Peas and Carrots
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It was amazing.
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So there you have it. That's my update. As I write it's Sunday morning and we are all off to church at some point. I'm going to Mt. Hollywood UCC at 10:30 while everyone else is going to St. Brenden's Catholic at 11. There was interest by a few people in our group to go to my church sometime, which I think would be awesome because really, Jesuits are just UCCer's with a Catholic flair. Most, anyway...
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I can't get online too much at home so I'm hoping I'll be able to post at least once a week. We have to spots in our house that get internet-- Johns room and Hannah's room. So, we'll try! If not, maybe I'll take a weekly Saturday trip to a coffee shop or something.
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I currently have so many things I want to post (songs/poems) but I'll just pick one and share the others later.
I just found an Inward/Outward (inwardoutward.org) post that I printed off in my journal. It's fitting for right now... how serendipitous...
--
"What does it mean to be a disciple of Jesus today? Discipleship today still involves risk and personal upheaval. It involves the relinquishment of our job security, personal comforts, family protection and allegiance to the culture. Discipleship to Jesus requires solidarity wit the poor, adherence to nonviolence, love for everyone, community life, public action for justice, contemplative prayer, eucharistic celebration, and worship of the God of Life. It opens the possibility of failure, loss of reputation, irrelevance, loneliness, pain, suffering, persecution and imprisonment. it not only calls for an alternative personal, social and economic way of life, but demands that we give up our very lives to accompany Jesus as he continues to carry the cross today in the nonviolent struggle for justice and peace.-- John Dear
.
Amen.

-let this be my prayer-

The Christ's Breath (by: hafiz)

I am
a hole in a flute
that the Christ's breath moves through,
listen to this
music.

[side trips]

"I took the road less traveled by and that has made all the difference"...
.
That phrase takes on a whole new meaning when you stop off in the middle of no where to see some of the most beautiful things.
.
God's creation?
incredible.

::write::

So, I love getting mail.

1137 S. Irolo
Los Angeles, CA
90006

write me. after august 15.

::goals and expectations::

So I was asked by a friend what my goals/expectations for this coming year are...
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simply:
-I do not set expectations because it seems silly. Rather, I am simply expectant that the things to come are going to be good and challenging.
-If I can make one kid's life better next year, I will be satisfied. That is my goal.

not-so-simply:
I don't know what this year is going to look like and I'd rather not make assumptions. Goals are hard to set for this kind of work. But for myself, I hope to gain the most from this experience... to live on the no regrets policy... and to work on my emotional boundaries. I'm really bad at holding my emotions in check. It will be a challenge to focus on keeping "their stuff" separate from "my stuff" but not in a way that makes me apathetic to the issues of homelessness and poverty. My sympathetic nature can sometimes become too empathetic which seems like it shouldn't be a bad thing, but it can be. Either way, this will be good practice for the future.

Because I'm working at a drop in resource center, we do not house the youth. Instead, our goal is to inspire and encourage the youth to build self-sufficient lives. With that said, it is my goal to inspire at least one child of God... inspire, help them realize that they are valued, and improve their life. That is my goal. I also hope to gain a lot from living simply and living in community. The skills I will gain through that experience alone will be incredibly fruitful. And lastly, to grow in my spirituality. It is my hope that I would come to discover new ways to experience God. I don't know what connects me most to God right now. Being in such a time of transition has me all over the map in a lot of areas of my life. But I'm ready to explore.
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All in all, I am ready and hopeful. Ready for a change, hopeful for growth. Ready for adventures, hopeful for experience. Ready for challenge, hopeful for inspiration.
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Rumi, the 13th century poet, once wrote, "Oh soul, you worry too much." So, I'm trying not to. Bring it on.

-we are one-

"We are one, after all, you and I.

Together we suffer, together we exist and

forever will re-create each other".

-- Pierre Teilhard Dechardin

love and journey

I received a lot of love on my birthday. And to say "a lot" would be an understatement. I felt so much love that I felt overwhelmed. Significantly overwhelmed. My tears were not of sadness, but of profound adoration for those who love me so and for those whom I love dearly. I received a lot of cards on my birthday since everyone at church knew.. and below is a poem someone quoted in a card to me.

....

These are the gifts I ask of thee, Spirit serene;

Strength for the daily task,

Courage to face the road.

Good cheer to help me

bear the traveler's load.

And for the hours of rest

that come between,

an inward joy of all things

heard and seen.

-- H. Van Dyke.

......

Let it be so.

Ariel by Sara Booth

Please god, don't let me get trapped
in one of those pastel worlds
where everything is white bread,
iceberg lettuce,
45% cotton 55% polyester,
Muzak.
I want to live copper, blue-green, burgundy

satin and sailcloth
the sea at midnight,
the sky at noon.
Don't let me live earthbound
with my eyes on my lawn
or in my neighbor's windows.
I want to soar
sail
splash
like a kite.
Let me frame the sky
and hang it on my wall.
Let me keep the mountains
in a box under my bed.
----

Amen.

courage

Right now, I could ask for nothing more than courage. People keep saying that what I'm doing takes a lot of courage. I wouldn't say I have courage. I would call it faith. Faith and hope and trust in my God that this year is going to work. That this year will be fruitful and joyous and challenging. That this year will bring new a new mindset, a new way of thinking, a strong relationship between me and God; me and humanity. It isn't courage I have, but it is courage I need. Courage to make this journey. The courage that Howard Thurman talks about in his poem....

----

Give me the courage to live!
Really live-- not merely exist.
Live dangerously,
Scorniging risk!
Live honestly,
Daring the truth--
Particularly the truth of myself!
Live resiliently--
Ever changing, ever growing, ever adapting.
Enduring the pain of change
As though 'twere the travail of birth.
Give me the courage to live,
Give me the strength to be free
And endure the burden of freedom
And the loneliness of those without chains;
Let me not be trapped by success,
Nor by failure, not pleasure, nor grief,
Nor malice, nor praise, nor remorse!

Give me the courage to go on!
Facing all that waits on the trail--
Going eagerly, joyously on,
And paying my way as I go,
Without anger or fear or regret
Taking what life gives,
Spending myself to the full,
Dead high, spirit winged, like a god--
On... on... till hte shadows draw close.
Then even when darkness shuts down,
And I go out alone as I came,
Naked and blind as I came--
Even then, gracious God, hear my prayer:
Give me the courage to live!

----

May it be so.

[Find your way home]

"Find Your Way Home" is a book written by the women of Magdalene, "a two-year residential and support community for women coming out of correctional facilities or off the street who have survived lives of abuse, prostitution and drug addiction in Nashville, TN."

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Below are quotes that I really appreciated from the book.

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"No matter where we are, we are better coming together than living separately."

.

"Our journeys all start and end with God, and everything we do is a step toward our returning to wholeness. Because grace is our beginning, we are worthy of all good things."

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"Even though we may feel lonely when we cry, we are never truly alone. Our despair is part of a larger chorus howling for justice that stretches back to the prophets."

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"I find this circle is like church for me-- at least how church is supposed to feel. It feels like a loving group that is sharing a common goal, and there is no reason to try and take power or give up your voice."

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"The heart of the matter is that God is in every person and that every person should be treated accordingly, with love and respect."

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"...I'm so thankful God didn't give up on me."

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"It is not a problem to be lost. It is only a problem if you think it is impossible to find your way home."

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"What we are feeling and experiencing is not a sense of being lost but the wonder of discovering something new."

.

"Finding the humor in anything is a sign of grace."

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"We need to be servants of one another, everyone with a different job."

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"Everyone is giving. Everyone is receiving."

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"...radical love can change the world."

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"The only way I can know you is if you tell me you have been in the ditch, too."

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May it be so.

{reminder}

This is my biblical mantra for next year... "Jesus said, "Don't load yoursel[f] up with equipment. Keep it simple: you are the equipment." (Luke 9:3 MSG)

.

What Jesus said

serves as a reminder

or maybe even a

first

thought. He said

the words we need to hear

the words that give us

peace

love

hope

courage to go on.

What Jesus said

hits me hard

like a ton of bricks.

convicted.

Live simply, he said.

Don't load yourself

up,

he said.

What Jesus said

reminds me that I am

enough.

I am what I am,

just like

God is

what God is.

I am reminded

that I am what I

need.

No more and

certainly

no less.

Material objects are

futile.

To live a life for

Christ

all we need is to

let God be God

in us.

through us.

with us.

In God we

live and

move and

have our being.

That is more than

enough

for me to keep living

and moving

and being.

It is a reminder

to me

to love people with

my equipment.

To love people

with

all of me.

Keep it

simple,

he said. Because

you

are the equipment.

+==Sermonizing {008}==+

Fragility and Power

Text: 2 Corinthians 4:7-12

How many times have we heard the verse from scripture that tells us to love the Lord our God with all our heart, all our soul, all our mind, and all our strength? A lot, right? And how often do you find yourself loving God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength? It’s really taxing but it is our existence that depends on these.

Our mind, soul and heart are typically exercised in church and fellowship all the time. But what about our strength? What about our bodies?

Paul says that death is at work in us… death is at work in us, around us, all the time, and everywhere.

We have bodies carrying extra weight.

We have bodies carrying infected cells.

We have bodies that are broken from injuries.

We have bodies that are broken from arthritis and bone loss.

We have bodies that are struggling to hear well and see clearly.

These physical limitations and problems are everyday reminders of Christ’s death. Paul says in the text, we are “always carrying in the body the death of Jesus.” This DOESN’T mean we should be upset with Jesus because since he died, HE’S the one causing all of our physical issues… we can’t be upset because Jesus didn’t let death have the last word and as can be seen by the text, Paul doesn’t either. Paul goes on to say that we carry the death of Jesus “so that the LIFE of Jesus may also be made visible in our bodies.”

Sometimes our limitations are fleeting or short-lived. Other times, an injury limits our mobility for the rest of our lives… or perhaps an illness brings us to monthly doctors visits. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to be healthy and keep in shape, a party comes along and the dessert tempts us, throwing us off the diet bandwagon for what seems like the umpteenth time. Sometimes no matter how hard we try to fight it and no matter how many vitamins we take, or orange juice we drink, we still get sick.

Some days it seems that no matter how hard we try, the world is working against us. We are afflicted in every way, perplexed, persecuted and struck down.

We are, as Paul says, clay jars... fragile and weak… more vulnerable than we would ever like to admit. As we will discover in our prayers in motion, we all have our own stories of fragility and vulnerability, life and death. But let me first share my own experience.

Last summer, I went with a group of youth and young adults to Guatemala. On the third day of the trip, following lunch, my group went up a mountain just a little way to install stoves at the house of a few families. After installing the outdoor stove I went to lean on the concrete wall to get a breath of fresh air and as I was leaning looking over the cornfields and at the mountains in the distance, my vision got blurry, my hearing started to fail me and I collapsed, hitting my head on concrete… twice. I was out cold for 45 seconds. After I came to, they got me back to our hostel and with the help of the doctor on our trip, I was rehydrated, given medicine to stop the nausea and make the pain in my head and neck go away… all the while wondering if I had a closed head injury or if I was going to wake up the next morning. All afternoon I had demanded doing things on my own, wanting to be independent, but I realized that I couldn’t do anything on my own……… That night, I was so upset about missing devotions that everyone gathered by my bedside to do them. You could feel Emmanuel, God with us, in the overwhelming sense of community that the group provided as we sat in the dark recalling the days events. Fortunately, that day, I was struck down, but I was not destroyed. Praise be to God.

It is when our clay jar is shattered… when we are in our most fragile moments, we experience God. And it is in those moments we realize that our brokenness matters not, because it is God’s power that works through us—no matter how fragile… how weak… how delicate we may be. It is in those moments that we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. That power belongs to God and does not come from us.

One of my favorite songs comes from a small community called Church of the Beloved and in their song entitled, “Broken,” they sing the following words:

You are broken, I am broken, everyone is broken


Stay, there is peace beyond anguish


life beyond death, love beyond fear


Bless, bless and do not curse. 


Pull brokenness far from the shadow of curse


put it under the light of the blessing.



Praise, praise to you Lord for I never realized 


broken glass could shine so brightly.

We are broken. Broken in every way. Christ’s death is visible in us in our ailments and our disabilities and our illnesses and our everyday struggles. And that is real. There is no denying it and no getting around it. It is discouraging and infuriating. But it is a part of who we are, whether it is short-lived or ongoing. Everyone is broken.

Through those experiences, we come to various conclusions about our bodies, both positive and negative… but the conclusion to which we should arrive is the one in which we realize our ability to understand more about ourselves and about each other through those conditions. We share in our joys and sorrows as we move through the various stages of life. And as we share with each other, we reveal truths about who we are as humans and as people of flesh. We reveal strength and hope, courage and love.

Leonard Cohen once said, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” Let the light shine in through your fragility. Love God with not just your heart, soul and mind, but Love God and love people with whatever strength you can muster because even when our brokenness makes us feel incapable, it is evident that the power enabling our lives comes only from God. We must accept the fact that our bodies are a place of truth and revelation for others and when we do, we will begin to see the life of Jesus in each others lives.

Let it be so.