[harsh words]

And I quote: "So what?! I get put in jail for two or three days. That's life, baby!"

.

Two of our clients in a relationship got in a bit of a spat today and wound up yelling at each other for a while. In the midst of the conversation this sentence came out of her mouth... and now, several hours later, I don't remember at all what the context was when she said this. This is the life my kids lead... They are in and out of jail... mostly for fare evasion... They just want to get around town and because they don't have the money to do so, they wind up getting caught by the police, getting ticketed, then receiving warrants, which they avoid... therefore winding up in jail. And to them, it's become part of everyday life. The thought of going to jail petrifies me. Yet these kids deal with it so often. I don't have any thoughtful response on this other than "it sucks." And I wish I could make it better and easier.

===============

And I quote: "I'm a heroine addict and when i was shooting up last night i missed so now my arm is really swollen and it hurts."

.

I've never actually heard someone say that they are a heroine addict. It really hit me. I don't know why. I don't know what nerve it struck. But wow. To actually hear someone say it makes it so real. It IS real. And that scares me.

[a tribute]

To Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. who changed the world with his hands and his voice and his love...

"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity."

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that."

Amen and Amen

[beautification]

I understand that tagging trees is not the greatest thing in the world, and for the sake of Hollywood, particularly not on the boulevard. But the Los Angeles/Hollywood Beautification team is painting the bottom 5 feet of palm trees brown to cover up the gang tags.

.

There must be another way to get rid of it... because it doesn't look "beautiful" if that's really what they're going for...

[Life Together]

Who knew living in community would reap the following:

• Conversation upon conversation about the "chore chart"
• Random jam sessions
• Deep and fruitful conversations
• Learning how to get rid of unnecessary items
• Fake insults... and real ones.
• Incredibly bizarre bonding moments
• Unexpected and sincere encouragement

Maybe someday soon I'll come back and reflect on Bonhoeffer's "Life Together" as he touches on the costs and joys of living in community.

[February Congregationalist]

"To love someone is to reveal to them their capacities for life, the light that is shining in them." -Jean Vanier

You see, Jean Vanier knows what it's like to reveal to others the light that shines from within. Vanier is the founder of L'Arche, an international organization dedicated to the creation and growth of homes, programs, and support networks with people who have intellectual/learning disabilities. His organization strives daily to light the candles within those whose flames are snuffed out everyday by society. Simply put, Vanier understands.

.

And now I too understand. When I read this quote it hit me like a ton of bricks: this is my purpose. I am at My Friend's Place to help the youth recognize the willpower and strength they have within themselves to build a self-sufficient life; to help them recognize that there is more to life than doing drugs and living on the streets; to give them the tools needed to pull themselves up out of the ditch and get back on the road; to build up their confidence so they can go boldly into the world knowing that their life matters; to help them be the person God is calling them to be.

.

I can't count the number of times my parents said, "We only want the best for you," or "We know you can do it." (Thanks Mom and Dad!) Between the dance classes, sports camps, mission trips, summer programs, experiences abroad, and everlasting support given to me by my parents, I have had such rich opportunities and each one lent itself to helping me search for my inner light. However, not everyone is as fortunate as I to have parents who love you and care about you.

.

Most of these youth have never had a sense of support in their life. As a matter of fact, many of them have been kicked out because their parents simply didn't care about them. Can you imagine growing up feeling as though your life meant nothing to the person to whom it should mean the most? This is why My Friend's Place exists. We provide that support, those resources, that sense of confidence in each of the 80-100 youth that walk through our doors during any given day. Our mission is to help youth build a self-sufficient life. To use the words of Vanier, we are revealing to them their capacities for a much better life. I see hope in the eyes of these young people everyday, and it is upon that hope I stand and advocate for each of them. Their lives matter just as much as the next person and that is something of which I am convinced.

.

Who do you love? What capacity do you wish to reveal about the people you love? What flames have not yet been lit? Who do you love so much to perhaps even let go of them so their light can shine? What flames need to be lit within you? Who can you identify to help you with that....besides God?

[feelings and realizations]

This gut-wrenching feeling.

It's been around for three weeks.

Homesickness?
That's what I named it.

I convinced myself thats what it was.

Living into that pain.

I realized.

That's not what it is.

I miss church.

I miss familiarity.

I miss family.

But not like that.

This is something deeper.

Some deep longing whose grief went unmatched.

Until it hit me.

Like a ton of bricks.

It's not the longing for physical places and people.

It's the realization of fulfillment.

Or should I say, a lack thereof.

A lack of satisfaction.

A lack of pleased emotions.

I don't come home satisfied.

I struggle

and I will continue to struggle.

For at least I've recognized it.

At least I paid attention enough to know,

with God's help,

that my deep gladness

is not meeting the world's deep

need.

The world has so many needs

and I'm meeting one

but I am not dwelling

or rather, working

where my gladness lies.

And I always say,

"But that's where we learn:

in the midst of discomfort,

that's when we grow."

I am uncomfortable and just

maybe

I'm not stretching enough.

But I know

with deep dwelling conviction

that my heart

and my passion

and my soul

lay in the depths of people

and of ministry.

But here I am...

in the midst of people

doing real life ministry.

Perhaps Buechner meant

"The many places

God calls you to

will meet the worlds deep need

but only so far as you

are willing to broaden your

idea of what brings you

joy."

I love my work and especially

the youth.

And one day I will be at the

crossroads

where my deep gladness

meets the world's deep

need.

But until then, I will

love the time

enjoy the journey

learn as I go.

It doesn't get any more

holy

than that.