~Immigration~

You know, for being such a "Christian" nation, we aren't very Christian..

Leviticus 19:34

³³ " 'When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. ³⁴ The alien living with you must be treated as one of your native-born. Love him as yourself, for you were aliens in Egypt. I am the LORD your God. (cf. Exodus 22:21, 23:9; Deut. 10:19)

Psalm 146:9

The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked.

Matthew 25:31-46

I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

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Those traveling over the border just want to make a better life for themselves... what's so wrong with that? By forcing them to stay in their own country, we are perpetuating a problem. We must stand with them and help them feel welcome. We are the richest country in the world... I think we can spare jobs to save lives.

States of BLISS & Yearning// The Lawbreaker and the Evangelist

John Bell is a smart guy. He saved evangelism for last knowing that, most likely, people would not read further on in his book had that been his first chapter. Fortunately for all of us, his idea of evangelism is what I was hoping to hear.

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The UCC has a hard time claiming evangelism because we have this typical notion of what we feel everyone else thinks it is and so we feel as though we can't make it our own. I've always relied on the quote "Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary, use words." I'm all about the action and being kind and doing justice. Not about helping others say the prayer that will help them accept Christ.

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This final chapter was based on the scripture from John 4:5-26... the story about Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman at the well. Bell first points to the fact that Jesus is a law breaker... He talked to someone he wasn't supposed to talk to, he depended on a woman which was against the cultural laws, and he drank from the same vessel she drank from. "This is the Lord whom we worship, this is the Christ to whom we sing, to whom we pray, behind whom we follow. And he is a lawbreaker" (105). And I'm ok with that. We have to forgo the norms and what is "proper" to reach out to the lost and the poor and the downtrodden. If we only keep to the law, we will be limiting ourselves. Jesus would not have been able to reach out to this woman had he not broken laws.

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The second bit of this chapter is about the woman becoming an evangelist. She is so transformed by this experience that she doesn't know what else to do but tell people. That's what most people do that are touched by Jesus... and I think it's appropriate. When something exciting and amazing happens in our lives we want to tell the whole world! So she does! Bell points out that he doesn't know how people who oppose the ordination of women take this text because here, as in many other stories in the Bible, women are bringing the good news. I had my fair share of amazing experiences in my life that I want to tell others about, so why shouldn't I be able to preach the gospel?

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This conversion moment for her was special because Jesus didn't use words to draw her in, and quite honestly, he didn't do something for her to help her understand who he was. No. He built a relationship. He didn't start by saying "I have come that you might have eternal life!" or "Would you like to know about an untapped spiritual reservoir?" She would have ran away... and ran fast! Jesus' "method of evangelism... is to engage people in doing what they can and not force them to grapple with what is beyond them" (108). He asked her to get him a glass of water, something she was capable of. Just like when he approached Peter, Andrew, James and John to become not just fishermen (for fish) but fishers of men (and while I'm not a fan of that latter phrase, it serves well for this story). Jesus uses our talents and abilities to help others use theirs so we can all feel the transformative power God has. Jesus didn't ask others to be a rabbi... we don't have to ask others to be evangelists or pastors. We are simply asked to give God what we can. Even if we can only put two talents in the offering plate, it is enough.

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"For it is when we use the potentials God has given us to advance the purposes of his kingdom that we become partners with, rather than strangers to, our Lord" (108).

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"Preach the gospel at all times, if necessary, use words." (St. Francis of Assisi)

States of BLISS & Yearning// Table Talk

Bell talks about Jesus' conversations at the breakfast/lunch/dinner table in all the stories in Luke, since Luke does have a bizarrely large amount of eating stories. The one from which he draws the majority of this chapter is the line from Luke 11 (after Jesus doesn't wash his hands): "Did he who make the outside not make the inside too?" Here, Jesus was willing to eat with these guys and be kind, but they're worried about the fact that he didn't wash his hands... There is never a dull moment in conversation with Jesus.

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Bell says it appropriately: "For in the face of these paragons of propriety, these exemplars of religious behavior, he exposes the fraudulence of their existence which no one else had noticed, namely that all this show, all this obsession with detail, all this prissiness about what was right, was a cover-ip for the lives of interior inadequacy" (97). They are so nitpicky about the stupid stuff, but its all a scam... they do that just so people wouldn't realize how broken they are inside. they've had a breakdown.... a breakdown which has been identified as a disconnect between your outer and inner person.

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It matters not whether you are outwardly perfect or pious or good mannered. As long as it is at odds with a damaged, denied or emaciated inner self, it doesn't impress God.

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I think if we figure out our inner life, the rest will follow. Just like, when I am engaging in spiritual practices and spend time with God, the rest of my life is on the right track. So, how's your spirituality? How's your prayer life? Are you broken? Pray for healing. Have you done something ill-mannered? Pray for forgiveness. When life seems like it is closing in around us, we can only turn to God. If we lack that relationship, and rely only on outward appearances, we crumble to the ground because we have nothing to stand on... no relationship grounding us.

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Trying to get people understand you by false talk and false actions does you no good. We need to be real with each other; have real conversation, not petty nothingness. It's not like we're hiding anything from God by pretending to be someone we aren't. Close that gap between who you are on the outside and what you lack on the inside. That is what God is interested in. Spend time intentionally rebuilding your inside. When we reject that, we reject God's creation for:

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"Did he who made the outside not make the inside too?"

States of BLISS & Yearning// Five Missing Women

John Bell talks about five women who, without them, we may not understand the exact kind of courage we need. But not we, as in all of us, but we, as in all of us women. In the story of Moses, Shiprah and Puah (who were midwives) defied the government because they felt it was wrong to kill all of the newborn male babies, per Pharaoh's request. They flat out lied to him in order to save hundreds of lives. The other three women, for the most part, are not mentioned in the Bible but are in the Talmud (ancient Jewish commentary). The other three women are as follows: Jochabed (Moses' mom), Miriam (Moses' sister) and Bithiah (Pharaoh's daughter who picked up Moses from the river). All five of these women worked to defy the norm just to save a single baby's life.

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For some of us, our denominations still do not allow women to be in the pulpit, or even some of our friends do not thing we belong in the pulpit. For some, they are allowed, but the church's bigger task is "empowering women in the Church by allowing their aspirations, their insights, their defiance, their passions, to be put fully at the service of the Gospel "(90). We aren't there yet. "How long O Lord" the psalmist cries on in Psalm 13:

(MSG version)

^1-2 Long enough, God— you've ignored me long enough.
I've looked at the back of your head
long enough. Long enough
I've carried this ton of trouble,
lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies
have looked down their noses at me.

^3-4 Take a good look at me, God, my God;
I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me
or laugh when I fall on my face.

^5-6 I've thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs,
I'm so full of answered prayers

I don't think this is God's doing, as this Psalm kind of suggests. "I want to look life in the eye, so no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face." We're all bound to fall on our face sometime. And it is in those moments that our enemies (safe to say, at this point, men) will take that moment of vulnerability and make it the purpose for denying our ability to be ministers. They just can't handle the fact that they fall on their faces sometimes too. They have looked down their noses long enough. it is our turn. Our turn to fight back. Our turn to be courageous. Our turn to take what is important to us and do something about it. Our turn to be heroines.

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Everyone must remember these women. Women need to remember them so as to take on their courage. Men need to remember them because they are the ones who still, in 2010, have the ability to change the systems.

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Yesterday, in Rev. Hewitt's sermon (at Ivanhoe UCC in Mundelein) he mentioned that Tabitha, in the story of Acts, was claimed a disciple because of her life-giving acts. This is the only time disciple was used in a feminine form in the Bible... that means that Tabitha truly was a disciple. And when people use the argument that women can't be in ministry because all of Jesus' followers were male, we now have something to counteract that. We are just as capable. God calls us all to ministry in all kinds of ways and no person can take that from us.

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I am proud to belong to a denomination that ordained the first woman in the 19th Century and continued to ordain women... because, there is neither "jew nor gentile, slave or free, male or female" for we are ALL one in Christ Jesus. Claim your passions and aspirations and pursue them.

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"Remember them, especially Shiphrah and Puah, because they share the profession of midwife with God who, when the waters break, delivers her people" (92).

States of BLISS & Yearning// The Renaming of God

Right now, name what you are. You have as many words as you want... but name it/them/those things.

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Did the fact that you are a child of God pop up in there? My guess is probably not. You see, we don't think of ourselves like that typically... We think of all the typical and general things we are. John Bell writes about Abram and Sarai (Genesis). They were named for a purpose. Abram, because he was the 'high father' and Sarai, since she was barren, a 'mockery.' But God, who has this transformational power gives Sarai not only a new name, Sarah, but a child as well. God's doing in both Sarah and Abraham's ('Father of many') situations, is gives them new names that point out their potential. God does not define us by our problems. What is your potential?

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God also names the nobodies (1 Peter). We, in the United Church of Christ, get this. We know this, claim this, and believe this. God knows that this religion is not just for the elite. God invested and continues to invest supreme value in those who felt they had no worth. This letter from 1 Peter tells them "Once you were not a people; now you are God's people." Only God, who has chosen the vulnerable, would call them God's chosen people. They are claimed by God as "trophies of grace." God does not define us by our problems.

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So then in Luke, Jesus comes to a women who was essentially a hunchback and calls her a daughter of Abraham. Whoa! Jesus cures her, rids her of the stigma that comes with being physically different, and claims her as a part of this bigger family. She had been avoided. She probably hadn't been able to look someone in the eye for years. She was probably presumed to be mad. But then, with Jesus' few words, he expresses to her that she is a recipient of God's love and that she is made in God's image. "Jesus... who sees beyond what others notice", recognizes "the beauty within." God does not define us by our problems.

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So then as was expressed in another chapter, because God does this and we are all created in God's image, we too, as the church and as the body of Christ are called to this ministry as well... this ministry of renaming. It is our responsibility to assure people that no matter what they claim themselves as-- addicts, the abused, the divorcee, the single parent, the physically or mentally challenged, etc.-- that they are children of God just as much as the next person. God sees beyond all of the labels and problems, and so should we... "God does not define us by our problems of our past."

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"We are children of the living God.

That is your name.

That is your true identity.

Live up to it."

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Answer this question again: Who are you?

States of BLISS & Yearning// A Word in Public

Ok, so I've always had this weird opposition to the decalogue, the 10 commandments. Growing up in Christian elementary schools, I had to memorize them over and over. But as I've gotten older and wiser, I've been trying to figure out just how I can manage to uphold them when they're part of the old texts that I wrestle with. Perhaps, as Bell has said in previous chapters, I struggle because there's a lot of truth in them. That could very well be the case. However, there are some with which I disagree to some level or at least have pondered about their importance/cultural relevance. For example, before we get into the chapter, I hate the "honor your father and mother" rule. I mean, it's important to honor authority figures but not when they are abusive (physically, verbally, etc.) or when they being immoral in the workplace. We also have to stand up for ourselves. Or we need others to stand up for us because we are the vulnerable in that situation. Then, the whole "don't take the Lord's name in vain".... what does that even mean? To be vain is to be cocky, narcissistic, or self-loving. So are we not to call ourselves God? I don't do that anyway... If that is what that means, then I can be satisfied with that answer. Other people's answers just don't suit me. Let's get on with the chapter.

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Apparently, these weren't hardcore terms of legislation, but were called the "Ten Words" identifying that they were statements of a caring God. Ok, that's fair. And that actually makes me appreciate it more. They are "words of grace and care given to humankind by a God who responds to the cries of those who have been wronged" (74). That's interesting because I thought they were the rules that were calling out who had done wrong. But, we're on this sort of liberation theology track and I can appreciate that, to some extent.

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He goes through a few of the commandments and speaks to each of them and their relevance today. (Also, he says that in saying "you" it means the entire nation of Israel, so we make them communal, not just personal.)

I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me.

So rather than carving huge statues of Mars, the god of war, as the Romans did, we have a weaponry industry with factories producing tens of millions of land-mines that end up getting dropped on the innocent in Mozambique and Angola.

You shall not make for yourself an idol.

Instead of looking up to Eros and Aphrodite, we instead turn to tabloids which tell us about celebrities and their sex lives, yet also lifts up those who seem to have a modest lifestyle. It just doesn't seem right. I would also say, we get on this dieting bandwagon, thinking we need to do everything in our power to look like certain people... not true.

You shall not steal.

If we're talking communally or corporately instead of individually, how do we as a nation respond to this today? What if it is "applied to the way in which third world economies are milked dry by the express design of Europe and America demanding two dollars return for every dollar loaned?" (75).

At this point Bell interjects with something he can just hear people saying to him about how we shouldn't take the 10 commandments and apply them "willy-nilly" to life today! But, he says, you can't apply them to your personal life because they were written when individualism was secondary.

You shall not murder.

What if instead of applying this to abortion (over and over and over) we applied to to child labor. You shall not make purchases from companies or even give loans to countries that encourage and allow child labor practices. That's murder too, you know. There are so many other problems out there.

You shall not covet your neighbors wife (or your neighbors stuff).

John Bell says it best. "If such a gracious word leads us to question the right of highly profitably industries to create, through advertising, an unnatural thirst or lust for their product, particularly among those who cannot afford it, we will enter far more disputed waters" (76).

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When looked at corporately/communally, we come to understand these words from a caring God who understands the cries and needs of the vulnerable. When seen this way, "they become... words of hope and liberation" (77) not words of social control. God's intentions are not to constrain us until we have no lives. God gave us life to have it to the fullest. But not just us, all people. All children, women and men that are oppressed around the world... God gave them life too. When we are corporately ruining peoples lives, we are not allowing them to live out their God-given potential. We have a lot of work to do on this earth while we're here. God calls us to be aware and be concerned for the vulnerable. That's what these commandments are for.

States of BLISS & Yearning// Against the Monoculture

Go read Genesis 11.1-9 and Matthew 15. 21-28. The story of the Tower of Babel and that of the Syrophonecian woman. What could these possibly have in common? John Bell explains this wonderfully...

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To put it simply, God did not create this world to have a monoculture. Rather, God created us to be living in this world with each other, understanding cultural differences, and appreciating them. The Tower of Babel is an example of what God does NOT call for. This skyscraper that is only built because of pride and their own conceit... but God wouldn't tolerate it. "When any building, any enterprise, becomes an all-consuming passion, it displaces God and with God all those whom God shelters-- the poor, the weak, the marginalized" (65). I mean, this has been going on for centuries, right? People destructing parks and homes to build large buildings for their own satisfaction and self-aggrandizement. God does not call us to displace people or ruin creation just to serve our own needs. Around the Tower of Babel they spoke one language. God also does not call us to be one people, a monoculture. "The differences that exist among nations and cultures, that make other people hard to understand or attractive, are there by divine design" (66).

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So what does the Syrophonecian woman have to do with this? Everything. She is the example of diversity. Jesus makes it clear to the disciples after their exchange about dogs and eating the scraps, that " the grace of God, the love of God, the healing power of God, is not just for people who are like them" (69). You see, Jesus healed her daughter even though she is not from the same geographic region or the same religion as he. Using the term "dogs" was Jesus' way of challenging her. She challenged back and Jesus was happy. Bell seems to think he may have even had a twinkle of admiration in his eye. Nonetheless, the disciples weren't pleased that he had healed her daughter. He said "because of [her] faith" her daughter had been healed... because of her non-Jewish faith and your faith NOT in me... See, God calls us to divine diversity. God does not want us all to be one. That would be stupid.

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This goes along well with recent events on campus. Last week our giant pride flag was defaced and SAGE put it back together quickly. Because of that, they moved it and put signs by it, and called a rally together. We met Friday and created a human pride flag and then spoke out against hate. UCC Fellowship wrote a letter to send in to the Leader and we created signs for around the mall. The letter is below. It speaks to the unity AND diversity God calls us to. I think it speaks to this idea of being "healed and held together in Jesus Christ" as Bell writes.

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In light of last week’s defacing of the pride flag, we, the students of the United Church of Christ student fellowship have something to say. Elmhurst College is a school of the United Church of Christ (UCC). The UCC is a Protestant Christian denomination that seeks to extend God’s extravagant welcome to all people as a united and uniting church. The United Church of Christ is built on the idea “that they may all be one” (John 17). We, the UCC students at Elmhurst College believe in a unified world beginning with a unified campus community.

The UCC is ‘Open and Affirming’ which means no one’s baptismal identity can be denied because of his or her sexual identity. We affirm all those who identify as GLBTQ as children of God. One of EC’s many core values is diversity. While we believe in unity we also value a “college community that honors, learns from, and contributes to the richness of human diversity” (College catalogue, 9). This includes students, faculty and staff of all sexual orientations, gender identities, and gender expressions.

We recognize that while not all religious traditions affirm the GLBTQ community, all traditions affirm love and kindness. Therefore, we urge the entire campus community to denounce hate and all forms of hate crimes. We stand in solidarity with those who seek justice, love, and kindness (Micah6:8)

We extend our love and support to SAGE (Straights and Gays for Equality) and the rest of the GLBTQ community on Elmhurst’s campus and in the wider community. Know that we, the UCC students of this UCC institution openly welcome and affirm you because:

“No matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey,
you are welcome here.”

States of BLISS & Yearning// A Changing God or a Changing People?

This question, at first glance may be obvious... Does God change or are we a changing people? Well, of course God doesn't change... change requires having a timeline of sorts and God is outside of time...God can see everything from the beginning of time to the end of time right there, in front of her.... Therefore, God can't change. Right?

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I would beg, as would John Bell, to disagree. Hosea 11.9: A change of heart moves me, tenderness kindles inside me. and Jonah 3.10: God relented and did not inflict on them the punishment [God] had threatened. This would begin to suggest, then, that the Bible is a record of God changing God's mind with regard to humans. "All the time, it seems, God's compassion, God's love is moving in ever-widening circles. At one time God loved one family and destroyed all other families. Then God loved one tribe and destroyed all other tribes. Then God loved one nation and destroyed all other nations" (57). This means that if we are made of God, and in God's image, we too have to change our mind in regard to people. Our love towards others should be made evident. This means we can see some of those "tricky bits of the Bible" in a new light. All those war scenes that are just so bloody and gory are suddenly looked upon as an opportunity to embrace concern for all humanity.

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Bell suggests that these two questions also come with a price. The price for God being a God of change is that then that also means that we too must be a people willing to extend compassion, sympathy and love to all people... individuals, groups and nations. It is just that simple. It's hard, but it is simple.

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The other question is if we are a people who change. I think before even going into the question we could answer this saying, yes, we are a people who change. But let's explore. This question is about "gradually discovering the truth about God" (59). The people of the Old Testament felt that they needed to kill anyone who was different from them. But then as the prophets come around, they come to understand that God isn't always on their side. This revelation helped them to understand a bigger and fuller picture of God. (this is the point when you should go read my sermon two posts below and then come back and read this blog all over again.) This is the same in the way we grow up. As we experience more and learn more, we come to understand more about life and people around us. "So we may see a gradual development of people's understanding of God, a gradual changing and enlarging of their picture of God until, in the fullness of time, God comes in Jesus, and the whole picture is on display" (59).

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It is a struggle, though. It's difficult. Whenever Jonah realized he would have to change his mind about his situation, he was uncomfortable. Changing the way we've understood God for years is just hard. We've grown to love God or hate God depending on our understanding. But God is bigger than we think and the price for worshipping such a God is that our ideas of God will always be changing.

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"The price for believing the first is that our human sympathies, like God's , have to go beyond individuals to crowds, out of the personal into the political. The price tag for the second is that our understanding of God has constantly to grow, to change, to be renewed" (61).

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Where do you stand? Do we have a choice? Or must we pay the price of both? Is God changing? Are we changing? What events or decisions in your life have caused your idea of God grow, change or be renewed?

States of BLISS & Yearning// Tricky Bits in the Bible

John Bell is good. He takes this chapter and tries to help us understand that we can't take the Bible in all parts literally... but we can't also just negate its importance or lay more emphasis on some parts than others. He takes to heart the UCC claim "We take the Bible seriously, not literally." While I struggle with this myself, I will say that as Bells says, Liberal Christians have so often avoided some of the major subjects: miracles, geographical heaven, bodily resurrection of Christ, among others. Again, for me this is both challenging and frustrating. I'd like to think I have a good grasp on my interpretation of the Bible, but I also know I struggle with it. Because I don't take the Bible literally, I must interpret it, but to what extent? I am all about taking passages figuratively and then finding the divine in them: example-- The bodily resurrection of Christ... whether or not it really happened, the concept is important. The idea that death does not have the last word.

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I suppose that is really my whole view on the Bible-- whether or not it really happened, I can find something important about it that is necessary to my faith and my beliefs. But now that I think about it, it isn't a strong position. Whenever you get a theology degree from a college, they don't talk about this. It isn't as though you take a Biblical Criticism class... I suppose that's save for seminary. I mean, between my experience at Cornerstone and having one of the most amazing mentors ever, I have learned a lot about how to figure out these "tricky bits in the Bible" but I'm not confident in my position yet.

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Bell gives the example of Desmond Tutu and others who protested against the government. It says clearly in Pauline writings that we are to submit to authority.. so then, what do we do about this? Well, Bell suggests three things. The first is that perhaps God is telling us something we don't want to hear... (not the case for this instance). The second option is that we must disagree with it... or at least debate it. "One of the most disrespectful things we can do with it is swallow it hook, like, and sinker" (48). I mean, if we didn't do this, women would still be in the same oppressive situation they were in for centuries. But thank God they disagreed!

The third option is to refer the word of God to the Word of God. His example is that when Paul says to submit to authority, Jesus questioned authority. "...it was the word of Jesus that shed light on the words of Paul" (51).

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Scripture can be awkward... and confusing... and frustrating. BUT John Bell ends the chapter with these words that are just so perfect for this:

"Whatever the situation, be assured that God allows us to converse, to argue, even to disagree with the word. Because God calls us into a dynamic not a static relationship with him. And in a dynamic relationship sometimes there are moments of supreme and absolute agreement. And sometimes there are moments of misunderstanding and argument. These are signs that the relationship is alive and not dead. These are signs that it is grounded in love" (51).

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We must take the Bible seriously, though not literally. Conservative Christians must realize that it is ok to disagree and debate for that is what brings the relationship to life. Liberal Christians must realize that there is stuff in the Bible they just don't want to hear, and that's when (most of the time) they take it for lesser value. Nothing in the Bible is less important than anything else in the Bible. It is that which grounds us in Christ and allows us to lean on God. The Bible was written by living, breathing humans anyway. While it is the word of God, there is also the Word of God and that distinction is important to make too. I think we give Paul too much room... although he has some amazing stuff to say, he was human too. We are human, ordained by God for our various tasks, and we make mistakes. So what's the difference?

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God has a lot to tell us about our history, our current lives and our future in scripture. It's time we take it seriously... not lightly.

+==Sermonizing {007}==+

"Transformative Communities" (given for Ministry Team at St. John UCC, Chicago, IL)

Psalm 30

Acts 9:1-20

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I was in New Zealand this time last year studying abroad. I had emailed the chaplain whenever I got to NZ because I wanted to find a community in which I could thrive where I could release my spiritual and religious side. Knowing how secular the country was I thought it might be a problem. Really, I just wanted a place to belong. She told me I had two options: Christian Club and Student Life. I would find them milling around during Orientation week, so I figured that would at least make the process a little easier. I ran into a Christian Club member. She handed me a tract, ask me if I knew God and invited me to their first meeting. I said thank you, yes I do, and ok thanks! I had no intention of ever going. The tract scared me. So then I found a student Life member and whenever I went to the meeting it felt like a petty, 6th grade Bible study. We were talking about times when we had betrayed our friends and how Jesus wouldn't have done that. It didn't have the depth or richness I was looking for. So I emailed the chaplain again and she offered to pick me up for something else that Sunday night. So I ended up at her house with several others: Rachel, Andrew, Mike, Sarah, among others. This group was eclectic and random... young and old.... but they had one thing in common: they were ridiculed for their faith. They had left the church for various reasons ... but here they were at the chaplain's house. I found this group… and they… they were a community...
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Let us pray.

God, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of each of our hearts be acceptable in your sight for you are our rock and our redeemer. Amen.
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We heard in the dramatized scripture this morning about Saul. We’ll get to know Saul later, but let us recognize that, Saul, if he was here today, would have been forcing Rachel, Andrew, Mike, and Sarah to the edges of society. You see, they had been pushed to the edges by people who thought their theology and ideas about God were wrong. This group called themselves “Exile” because they felt like they were in exile. Some of them left the church because they had a bad experience. Others left because they felt like the people did not love others the way Jesus calls us to. No matter their reason for leaving, they were welcomed with open arms at Exile.
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Last week the scripture was about the walk to Emmaus. On that road Jesus came to a couple disciples walking down the road and he played dumb, asking them questions about all that had happened those past few days. They had no idea it was him. When they came to a house for the evening, Jesus broke bread. As they gathered in community and as he said those words, Jesus revealed to them that it was him… the risen Christ. They weren’t physically blind…. They were just so disconnected from the overwhelming power of God since their most beloved leader and friend was gone.. gone from the earth and apparently gone from the tomb. This week, our scripture is about a similar, but very different experience.
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You see, Saul was a persecutor and when God called him out on it and said, “Go to town, and you’ll figure out why I’m sending you there once you get there.” Saul rose to his feet with eyes wide opened… but he found himself blind. His friends had heard God too but were paralyzed with fear. They didn’t know what to do with themselves… but they led him into Damascus where he waited and waited… didn’t eat and didn’t drink for three days.
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In the meantime, God was calling on Ananias to go help Saul. Ananias is like, whoa… God.. you know I don’t like him. Seriously… he’s not nice and has been persecuting people for as long as I can remember… There’s no way….we would probably do the same, right? I mean, if I was asked to intervene on behalf of God to our enemies, I would feel uneasy and unsure and… afraid.
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But did you hear what God said to Ananias? “None of that matters anymore… I have much to show him!” Whoa!!! None of the words that he had said to people… none of the things he had done to people… none of it mattered anymore because God was going to show him everything. Well that just didn’t seem fair, did it? God was going to show Saul everything after all he had done? All the persecuting? All the slander?
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BUT when the scales fell from Saul’s eyes… when Ananias touched him and said to him, “Saul, God is calling you”….he was transformed. His name didn’t go from Saul to Paul haphazardly… He had changed. God transformed Saul with the help of Ananias.
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You see, this story, just as the one about Emmaus, isn’t about physically seeing anything. Saul wasn’t transformed because he could suddenly see color and see people and see what he was doing. He was transformed because now he could see the world the way God saw the world. When we are living for ourselves… when we are ignoring God, our focus is too narrow. The scripture says Saul didn’t eat or drink for 3 days… When we lose sight of God we become spiritually famished... We thirst for God’s word and we are hungry for God’s love. But when we are nourished… when we open ourselves up to God, we can see how God sees. We understand the fullness and the breadth of God’s creation. We see the whole picture.
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It is when we are most vulnerable that we come to understand just how much we need others. When we are famished or ill or unstable… and we don’t know how to help ourselves, we must allow ourselves to be open to others. Because… because God works through others in our lives, if we are closing ourselves off to that, we deny God’s amazing power. So then, when we allow them to help us, that is when we are transformed.
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So whatever happened to that community in New Zealand? Exile became my spiritual home while I was abroad. It didn’t replace what I had at home. It didn’t pick up where I had left off. I realized the eclectic group that made up Exile embodied God… God was living in each of them and I had to realize that my life would never be about replacing the community from which I came. Instead, I gain new communities that transform me in unexpected ways. I couldn’t maintain my spiritual life on my own in New Zealand. No, I needed people. I was vulnerable and had no idea what to do with myself or my spirituality… or lack thereof. I needed people. I needed Exile to help me wrestle with spiritual issues and bring me closer to God when I was so far away from home.
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Our Psalm for today said, “When things were going great I crowed, ‘I’ve got it made. I’m God’s favorite. God made me king of the mountain.’ Then you looked the other way and I fell to pieces.” Saul thought he was the king of the mountain. Sometimes we think we are the king of the mountain, too. The Psalmist fell to pieces just as Saul was knocked off his high horse. Saul finally realized what he was missing whenever the scales fell from his eyes and he shouted “JESUS IS THE LIBERATING KING!” God had freed him from his egotistic, selfish lifestyle. The Psalmist writes: “You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance.” You changed wild lament into whirling dance.
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We need not mourn for God has transformed us. God is constantly transforming us. Saul the persecutor became Paul the advocate. We can’t build up God’s kingdom if we are living for ourselves. Because we can’t build up God’s kingdom if we’re closing ourselves off to seeing the way God sees the world.
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God rid of all of Saul’s issues and transformed him.

God takes all of our issues and transforms us too.
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For some people community is the only way they have experienced transformation. It’s hard to do it on our own and most of the time, we can’t do it on our own. We have to be vulnerable. Saul had Ananias. – Saul allowed Ananias to touch him and declare what God had in store for his life.— I have the Niebuhr Center at Elmhurst College. – had I not allowed myself to be broken, the Niebuhr Center would not have been as much of a support to me because of my resistance.—Some of you have your community at First Congregational in Geneva. – where you are vulnerable with each other in order to pray and care for each other. – You all have this community here at St. John. -- where you allow yourselves to be real with each other… and what a community this is.— God uses each of our communities no matter where they are to help transform the way we see the world.
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God created us to be vessels of God’s love. Soon we too will be shouting: Christ is the Liberating King!!! For Christ has risen. Christ has risen indeed. God’s love overcomes all the hate and evil in the world and transforms the world.
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“I can’t keep quiet about you. God, my God,” the psalmist writes, “I can’t thank you enough.”
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God has turned our wild lament into whirling dance.

God has transformed our lives.

And because we can’t place a period where God has placed a comma,

God will continue to transform our lives forever.
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Amen

---Hiatus pt. 2---

Leah is here and I've been spending some amazing time with her, so I am not going to get to John Bell today. Maybe I will get around to it this afternoon, but for now, I'm not going to plan on it.

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But, here is my favorite part of an excerpt from an article on the Sabbath from the "On Faith" section of the Washington Post:

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"...We shouldn't run scared from the ecclesiastical associations that cling to the Sabbath like earth to roots. Religion is the source of most forms of transcendence in our mostly very mundane lives, whether or not we now pray or believe. Religion has given us storytelling, poetry, music, art, and theater; it has occasioned the founding of universities; it has been responsible for great advances in architecture. There's no reason not to let religion lend us one of its most powerful social ideas--the Sabbath--as well."

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I think we often forget the importance religion has in our lives.. I use "our" very broadly. It has influenced people's lives in some way whether they're religious or secular... and it may be conscious or subconscious. Either way, we forget. And I think this is really well said. Taking up sabbath could be revolutionary for our technologically-dependent world.

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That article can be found here: http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/guestvoices/2010/04/remember_the_sabbath.html

States of BLISS & Yearning// The Discipline of Imagining

So we've already dealt with the past (remembering) and the present (waiting) which means we must also touch on the present: Imagining. John Bell says this:

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"It is indeed a barren creed which proclaims that God delights not in red or orange, but in clergy gray; that prose is better than poetry; that monologue is better than dialogue; that mental concepts are superior to physical illustrations; that dullness is somehow next to godliness" (36).

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I love these words. Somehow, people got into the habit of making worship boring. I think they say it has to do with reverence but I don't believe it. After all, "if we are made in the image of God, then we are in the mold of a great imaginer" (37). My art professor even recognizes that. She graded my paper on creativity a couple months ago and told me that I have a very creative creator. Why, yes, I do. Which means that we must all be creative beings. This is why, I think, some people ONLY go to Awestruck at my home church. It's an alternative worship service that uses the screens and images, tactile rituals, and engaging music. In the words of someone who shouldn't be named here, "It makes the Sunday service intolerable!" And it does. I love my church. All of it. But after you have been to Awestruck, NOTHING can compare.

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I always say I don't have much of an imagination, but that's a lie. As long as imagination and creativity aren't the same, I can say I have the former, but not much of the latter. But with the help of Awestruck, I would certainly say that I have been exposed to new ways of doing things which helps me in terms of creative worship. Also, having a mentor that is incredibly creative is extremely helpful. Learning how to create meaningful altar spaces has been enriching, and it sounds lame, but I'm serious.

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Bell remarks that no reformation, no renewal, no pioneering evangelism "ever succeeded because a committee of men meeting in a rectangular room came up with the right formula" (40). God doesn't just interact with our intelligence. God made, loves, and interacts with all of our being. It takes time to be imaginative (just like remembering and waiting) and is totally against everything society and our culture tells us, but "it is not countercultural to God" (41).

---Hiatus---

I will be off to a tournament tomorrow so here is a hiatus post to keep you busy thinking..

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/8621278.stm

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what is up with the world? why is this all happening at the same time?

States of BLISS & Yearning// The Discipline of Waiting

Waiting.

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What was the last thing you waited for?

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An email? A text? A facebook post? Your food? What was it?

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For me, it was a text. My answer should be more like... Easter. Lent should have taken me through this waiting period until Christ had risen. That's what Advent is about too. Waiting for Christ to come into the world. 40 days. 25 days. NOT 2 minutes. an hour. We are a culture of busy-ness and therefore a culture of instant gratification. We can't stand if someone doesn't text us back within a few minutes... or if they don't respond to our post on their wall within a day. When we think of technology we don't think of landline phones or morse code machines, although at some point they too were technology beyond belief. Today we are up against the trendy cell phone, too many deadlines, and the Concord Jet. Things that come and move fast. "If we have a complaint about technology today, it is that we are unable to keep up with it. We are impatient to discover more; we resent having to wait" (25).

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We have more information on the Internet than ever. We sit in our dorm rooms waiting for webpages to load and instead of being patient we yell at the computer like its going to help. We don't allow things to gestate. Perhaps in that moment we are waiting for the Wikipedia page to load, we could be thinking about whatever it is we're looking up and think of an answer. Instead of spending the time looking for and through a dictionary, all I have to do is press my dashboard button and type the word. I don't even have to press 'enter'... it comes up automatically.

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We can't expect instant answers to complex questions. We can't expect love after first impressions. We can't expect a child to be born before nine months. Pregnancy may be the only symbol of waiting in our culture today. That waiting time is important to life.

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WWJD? Wait. The Pslams are full of waiting and Jesus was full of waiting (31).

"waiting for three days between hearing the news of Lazarus's death and going to the grave"

"waiting, wasting time at a well with a woman who wasn't of his own race or class"

"waiting in the garden until the time of arrest and telling his disciples to watch and pray"

"waiting for three days in the tomb before resurrecting into life"

Waiting is important. countercultural. a spiritual discipline.

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Instant decisions can be bad decisions. If you go to the doctor after having a headache for a few days, the doctor doesn't instantly diagnose a brain tumor. We are people who act before we think. We need to learn how to be slow to speak.

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Waiting allows us to develop relationships. If we based every relationship on first impressions, we could wind up out of luck and out of friends. "Off-putting first impressions give way to a deeper appreciation" (32).

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Waiting is a must in order to have real intimacy. This goes for human relationships and divine relationships. We wouldn't tell a stranger everything about us. "Why then should we expect God to reveal to us what is deep, or imagine that by some quick fix formula we can develop a lasting intimacy with our Maker?" (33). We have pastors for any given length of time because if they revealed all they knew to us in the first month, we wouldn't need them anymore. Our pastors are there to help us on our journeys by revealing to us week after week something new.

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Lastly, waiting is a sign of love. We wait for hours for the people we love. But the plumber who said he would come between 9a and 4p--we have no patience. Why is that?

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If we truly love God... we must be willing to wait.

"We must wait on God... on God's word... with God's people... for the right time" (34).

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God won't give us instant answers. We need to wait. Pray fervently and continually. Give thanks for that relationship and then wait. If we love God we will wait for an answer. God isn't the plumber or the tv repair guy. God is someone with whom we are intimate because God knows every detail of our lives. We must wait to discover all that God has to offer for our lives. We must realize that God's transformation in our lives comes continually. Waiting is an important part of who we are as children of God.

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What are you waiting for? How are you waiting?

States of BLISS & Yearning// The Discipline of Remembering

I've never thought of remembering as a primary discipline of the Christian faith. Bell is clear to state that we cannot think of discipline as negative, but rather as a branch of learning, like history is a discipline. Go it? Ok so then still, what does this mean? There are always disciplines that come easier than others. He makes the example of prayer... it should always be as natural as breathing... but there are still some instances in which we have to learn how to inhale and exhale... So you know, like when doing push ups and sit ups, you get so caught up in the doing that you forget to breathe...

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It is in remembering that we either realize that the past was more exciting than the present or, on the flip-side, worse than the present. "If, rather than accurately calling to mind the events of the past, we casually speculate, invent or embroider, then sentimentality or subjectivity may assume the mantle of truth; and an imagined past, ultra-bloody or rosier than the sunset, will replace reality" (19). Replacing reality is not what we're looking for.

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We've all done it... we've all been in a situation and wished... only hoped that it could be back to the "way it was." We always wish that... you know... we always say "Oh, I remember when things were like that... why can't we go back to that?" We do this instead of embracing the now. "There is a Back-to-Egypt brigade in every congregation, and there is a Back-to Egypt corner in every soul" (20) as in the face of uncertainties we would love to back to what was... even though, most likely, what was wasn't really even all that great.

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However, it isn't all bad. Remembering these things of the past allows us to bring emotional and spiritual energy to our current pessimistic feelings about the present situation. If we are accurately remembering we can really get a good look at our past and realize how far we have come. I recently looked back at last spring, as I was writing my sermon, and was thinking about how I accepted a leadership position on campus extremely hesitantly. But in that I realized that it has now been almost 9 months since I stepped into the role and I recognize how much I have grown and how much the organization has improved. On days when I think I can't do it, I remember that there was another time when I didn't think I could do it, but I have been doing it and so today is just another day.

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"Whenever you do this, do it to remember me," Jesus said as he broke bread at the table. This act of remembrance is liberating, Bell says. It is liberating because while we partake in this most sacred meal, we make known to ourselves the grace of God which transforms us and we re-present the reality of Christ's sacrifice. It is in this meal Christ is made known to us and made available to us. It is in this meal we recognize the love of Christ.

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Perhaps it is good to remember (haha) that the opposite of remembering is dismembering. And our society likes to think that the latter is the norm, the more prominent. We are dismembering families by targeting the volatility of youth. We are dismembering churches because we fail to unify as the body of Christ. We are dismembering the world because we fail to take action. But the spiritual discipline of the Christian faith is remembering.

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Through this remembering we "are put in touch with our roots in all their radicality and vulnerability" (24). Through remembering we understand that the God who has gotten us through the winters and good fridays of our lives will bring us to a new day once again. Remembering is a good habit-- as long as it is done in the right spirit. It takes time, but remembering can heal our pessimistic souls. Remembering Christ's love brings us to the depths of our spirituality. Remember, for it is makes known to us the possibility of re-experiencing the present in a new light.

States of BLISS & Yearning// Dubious Beatitudes

For the next twelve days I'll be reading through a book called "States of BLISS & Yearning" by John Bell, who is the founder of the Iona Community in Scotland (they're so cool. Look them up!). It is a book about "the marks and means of authentic Christian spirituality" and I thought it would be a good next step. We've discussed how to recognize vocation and how to survive even the depths... now we'll figure out what it means to truly be a Christian and what kind of spirituality one may have in order to survive those depths. This series of blogging will be different than the last. I will sort of give my own thoughts related to the chapter, but also on tangents... so read the book on your own because this isn't necessarily a summary of each chapter. I have a lot more of my own thoughts floating around. Make sense? Let's dive in...

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This first chapter is on "Dubious Beatitudes." Dubious can also mean doubtful and while Bell didn't say anything about this specifically, I think it's right for us to be an equal mix of doubtful and faithful. We have to remain faithful in all things just because that's what it means to be Christian. But as I have had explained to me before, Thomas was a disciple ahead of his time. He was asking legitimate questions about Jesus and questioning... if we're not questioning we're not opening ourselves up to the mystery of God and we're not allowing questions to ruminate in the deep depths of our souls. We can't ever know all the answers. On some level we have to accept the mystery and embrace the questions.

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Moses, David and Paul all have two major things in common... they were spiritual giants and they didn't have it easy. Between Moses's speech impediment and his bringing the Israelites to the promised land he had struggles. David was victorious for God since adolescence but also had to cope with the grief of being a murderer and adulterer. He was God's chosen, anointed by Samuel. Paul, having been changed from Saul, the persecutor was theologically astute and managed to deal with disputes among local churches. He then ended up persecuted for his faith and work.

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St Francis of Assisi, St. John of the Cross, Hildegard of Bingen, Julian of Norwich, Martin Luther, and St. Teresa of Avila (among numerous others) would all agree... they were spiritual giants who didn't have it easy. "All the true saints of God never got what they wanted, did what they liked, or lived on cloud nine" (11). I find myself relating as I am going off on a year of volunteer work. I am giving up my comfortable lifestyle to live with and among the poor, the prostitutes, the sick, and the rebellious. I will probably find myself struggling to make sense of it all, but then again, it only makes sense. It only makes sense that I would give a year of my life after having 21 years of comfort. I will never stand with Moses, David or Paul on their level of devotedness to God, but it is certainly something to look towards.

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"... Those who wish to know the deep joy and consolation of faith will be required to experience other less attractive depths" (15). And yes, L.A. will be full of less attractive depths but it is the sacrifice I must be willing to make in order to come to understand the fullness and meaning-fullness of faith in God. I want that. I want a more meaningful life and as I quoted Rev. Emily Joye McGaughy yesterday, "There's no getting out of the mess if you want a meaningful life." One cannot know joy without first knowing sorrow.

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How do you relate to God through your spirituality?

What kind of less attractive depths will you experience?

*Let your life speak: Ch. 6*

The concluding chapter of Palmer's book is a good one (but then again, which of them haven't been?). He takes the idea of vocation and talks about it in terms of seasons... This is really cool because when you think about it, seasons are never ending... No matter how hard we try, winter always comes after fall and summer always comes after spring. This is similar to how I feel about holy week... we always experience good fridays... our communal meals of maundy thursday... our resurrections, and everything in between... we experience it all as part of our life. And as we have been learning, even through the good fridays... and the winters, we keep on learning and growing.

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Autumn

I love autumn. It's still warm enough outside to golf... the leaves are pretty... it's still flip flop season. Autumn is a paradox within itself, though. We see the leaves eventually turning brown and dropping to the ground.. dying. As those leaves and other "things" from the tree fall though, we are reminded that seeds are being planted for the next spring. On the surface, we have this sad picture of foliage but what is really happening is the embedding of seeds for new growth. "How shall we understand autumn's testimony that death and elegance go hand in hand?" (99). Palmer explains that in a paradox, the two things do not cancel each other out, but rather "cohere in mysterious unity at the heart of reality" (99). They need each other.... just as we need life to understand death, and death to understand life. Autumn embodies wholeness.

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Winter

I'm not a fan of winter... I suppose I am really just not a fan of winter in the midwest. I like having distinct seasons. I just don't like the long drawn out snowy nights when it gets dark at 4pm. You have those days when you just feel too cold to function and your car won't start because it is just that cold. It's depressing. "The winters will drive you crazy until you learn to get out into them" (102). Palmer relates this (which he heard from a friend living in the upper midwest US) to vocation.... The fear and sadness that exists will overtake us if we don't address it. Remember, we can't BE the fear that holds us... we must replace that with the trust... faith ... and hope that is embodied in spring!

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Spring

This is probably my favorite season. It isn't too hot-- I can still play golf and go running without getting heat stroke-- and the flowers and trees are freshly blooming. It's gorgeous. The rain that comes, while I don't like it all the time, brings a nice, real green-ness to the grass... something no other season really provides. Palmer relates the word 'humus' (decayed vegetable matter that feeds plants) comes from the same root for 'humility.' "It helps me understand that the humiliating events of life, the events that leave 'mud on my face' or that 'make my name mud,' may create the fertile soil in which something new can grow" (103). So often we get caught up in the ugliness of life... and as the Rev. Emily Joye McGaughy has said, "There's no getting out of the mess if you want a meaningful life." We have to make it through winter to see spring... We have to understand that life is not always full of new growth. Sometimes things have to die in order for something to grow.

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Summer

Summer is just plain fun. There's always fun things going on, relaxation happening, and late night basketball games when it's light at 9:30pm. Palmer says, "Where I live, summer's keynote is abundance" (106). We are always in an ebb and flow process... sometimes we have produced an abundance. Other times we find life scarce. But, typically nature takes care of us with a good balance of both. When it comes to humanity (not agriculture) we have to create an abundance. "It is created when we have the sense to choose community, to come together to celebrate and share our common store" (107). Finding a sense of community creates an abundance of the non-tangible, and even some of the tangible. Not only are we able to give when others are in need, but we build that kind of place where people are comfortable enough to be vulnerable to receive what they need as well. "Community is abundance." We function on behalf of the whole, on behalf of each other and from that we are transformed. We must accept the abundant grace that comes with our common life together.

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We are constantly evolving, changing and transforming. We are living through the good fridays and winters so we can experience the easters and summers to their fullest.

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Be in community. Be transformed.

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Stay tuned for the next book based blog.

*Let your life speak: Ch. 5*

Palmer's chapter on leadership provides some really helpful points for all people. He starts by pointing out that we are made for community and if this is a fact, then leadership is everyone's vocation... "everyone follows and everyone leads" (74). This is so true... I know I am both leading and following in different capacities... but what I know to be more true is that we are made for community. I just wrote a sermon on being a part of community and how transforming it can be. (I'll post it when I'm done with it.) Community changes the way we look at the world... divine community helps us see the world the way God sees the world. And when we see the way God sees, we have the ability to comprehend the bigger picture and leaders who see the big picture are always the best leaders.

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A good leader, Palmer says, is able to recognize and understand the way "inner shadow and light" work in the world. "By failing to look at our shadows, we feed a dangerous delusion that leaders too often indulge: that our efforts are always well intended, our power is always benign, and the problem is always in those difficult people whom we are trying to lead!" (79). When we don't admit and recognize our faults, we fail as leaders. Good leadership comes from people who have figured out their inner darkness and can lead others "to a place of 'hidden wholeness' because they have been there and know the way" (81). Keeping ourselves spiritually centered is really important. Even if you are spiritual, recognizing when you need "me-time" is so important.

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I know that I will only stay sane if I do one of two things every day: pray (or do something spiritual) and go for a run or walk/ go play. Keeping myself centered is important for me as a leader and simply as a human, but also for everyone else. I know that when I'm unhealthy I'm stressed and angry at the world and that doesn't do ANYONE any good.

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As leaders we have to know who we are and claim it... it isn't the power or the position that defines us... it isn't the control or the knowledge we claim over others... "it depends only on the simple fact that we are children of God, valued in and for ourselves" (87). Once a leader recognizes this, suddenly their leadership becomes about the other... not themselves. It is about God and God's transformational love shone through others. The leader helps the community understand what it can do and allows other to do the rest. You see, there is this general sense of "functional atheism" even within the Christian community. They assume that "ultimate responsibility rests with us" (88). However, it says somewhere in scripture that we do what we can and God will take care of the rest. Caedemon's Call, a Christian band, sings in their song "Two Weeks in Africa", "We put the walls up but Jesus keeps them standing...He doesn't need us but he lets us put our hands in." We are a community infused with God's love and spirit to liberate the oppressed and feed the hungry.

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However, things don't always go as planned. For a long time (and to a little extent now) I had a fear of failure. No matter what I did, it felt like if I didn't do it well enough I failed. And failing seemed so extreme but I didn't know what else to call it. Palmer relates this same feeling to the denial of death... But he says (in the spirit of Easter), that death touches everything... but death does not have the last word. "By allowing something to die when its time is due, we create the conditions under which new life can emerge" (91). This has been so important to me over the past couple years as I have learned to work with my failures and find the growth within them.

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Our inner self is private, right, because it's INNER. But the beauty about community is that it asks us the questions that can only be answered when we look into our inner self. Our communities ask the questions that get to the core of our being. We can't be fearful of others... we can't be afraid of vulnerability... we have to embrace it and accept it. Palmer reminds us that religion was only ever born out of fear... they "originated in the struggle to overcome this ancient enemy" (93). Be not afraid. Everyone has fear... Be not afraid means... literally... do not BE the fear we have. Replace that fear with trust, hope and faith.

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That's when we can be good leaders.

When we have fear, but do not embody it...

When we embrace community as helping our inner selves...

When we accept our faults but learn how to use them to grow...

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"Now we stand on ground that will support us, ground from which we can lead others toward a more trustworthy, more hopeful, more faithful way of being in the world" (94).

=Practice Resurrection=

Below is a piece written by Wendell Berry and was used for Inward/Outward's daily blog. It reminds us to practice the resurrection in all that we do because resurrection means liberation...

Manifesto: the Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion--put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.

Practice resurrection.

*Let your life speak: Ch. 4*

Chapter 4 "All the Way Down" is all about Palmer's struggle with depression. I haven't experienced depression but I have been in some pretty low places while struggle with some issues. I could go on and on about the chapter but not having personal experience or being able to relate too much isn't going to be helpful for anyone. So, since he had some pretty profound things to say that are general, we're going to take it from there.

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Palmer had a discussion with a women in which she asked "Why do some people kill themselves yet others get well?" All he could say was "I have no idea." He felt awful about his answer, but what was he supposed to say? I mean, really? A few days later, she had sent him a letter saying that the thing she was holding onto most was those four words- I have no idea. "[His] response had given her an alternative to the cruel "Christian explanations" common in the church to which she belonged-- that people who take their lives lack faith or good works or some other redeeming virtue that might move God to rescue them. [His] not knowing had freed her to stop judging herself for being depressed and to stop believing that God was judging her. As a result, her depression had lifted a bit" (59). This makes me sick.

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Why do we have people in the church telling others that they aren't worthy of life?

Why do we have people in the church guilting people into taking their lives?

Why do we have people in the church letting people commit suicide because it's God's plan?

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What kind of awful answers are we giving people?

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I thought the church was about community and Christianity about hope? We just passed through Easter and for me, that's all the resurrection is about... HOPE. Palmer discusses love-- A kind of love "in which we represent God's love to a suffering person, a God who does not "fix"us but gives us strength by suffering with us. By standing respectfully and faithfully at the borders of another's solitude, we may mediate the love of God to a person who needs something deeper than any human being can give" (64). Well, if we can learn something from Palmer here, it is to tell the truth so someone who is depressed. Perhaps that will save them more than our petty answers. Accept the grace, the "inexplicable grace"of God and give them "I don't knows." You may be saving their life.

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Palmer refers back to a time when he imagined someone coming to him and attempting to get his attention but try after try he does not respond. This is what happens when we don't listen to God. When we aren't paying attention, we can get ourselves deeper into our issues than we would have ever liked. This "person" was trying to get a hold of him before his depression hit. This is, of course, not to say that depression was what God wanted for his life, but when you don't listen to God, your life isn't going to be easy... That sounds harsh, but I can't think of any other way to say it. I don't mean it harshly...

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Paul Tillich describes God as the "ground of being" and I think more than God being that, God grounds us. God is that on which we depend.... God is that which made us... but God grounds us. God humbles us. God brings us back to earth to realize that we aren't God. We are beings of wholeness that must learn to embrace our weaknesses, liabilities, darkness... When we recognize those things, "I.. give that part less sway over me, because all it ever wanted was to be acknowledged as part of my whole self" (71). We have our own human issues. We can never be God. We get so wrapped up in trying to be a perfect person, but it isn't until we recognize our our faults AND embrace them, that we can be a whole human.

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It's hard.

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But God is more powerful than our faults. God's love for our lives takes our faults head on to encompass them with all of God's being. God's ability to transform our lives is incomprehensible.

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Parker Palmer wrote a poem after he triumphed over depression. This poem explains God's transformative love and power in our lives:

Harrowing

The plow has savaged this sweet field

Misshapen clods of earth kicked up

Rocks and twisted roots exposed to view

Last year's growth demolished by the blade.

I have plowed my life this way

Turned over a whole history

Looking for the roots of what went wrong

Until my face is ravaged, furrowed, scarred.

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Enough. The job is done.

Whatever's been uprooted, let it be

Seedbed for the growing that's to come.

I plowed to unearth last year's reasons--

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The farmer plows to plant a greening season.

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"The farmer plows to plant a greening season"....

What are you plowing? What are you planting?

*Let your life speak: Ch. 3*

Palmer reflects on the idea of way closing... doors closing... opportunities being shot down. He reflects on his own experience and how that has helped him discern his calling(s). Most people say, "When one door closes, another one opens." But thinking logically, that's not always the case and as Palmer talks about his own, it isn't about finding that open door but embracing the one that has closed.

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For him, that door closing is not another opportunity that has gone by the wayside. That door represents a limit. We all have limits and potentials. We all have things we're good at and things we're not. Palmer challenges us to see those closed ways/doors as God telling us that it just isn't for us because that's not where our deep gladness is. For example, he was fired from his sociology assistantship. Instead of thinking of it as a negative experience and something at which he failed, he came to recognize it as an opportunity to recognize that sociology is not where his gifts, talents, and heart is.

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Although it is easy to see a way close, it isn't always easy to understand. This is why prayerful discernment is so important. Asking God is always a good way to go, but even talking to our friends and family... finding out what we are good at and maybe they told Palmer-- "We didn't think you were good for that job anyway." This can get tricky... but if you find the people that know you best, they often have a good feel for what your gifts are... even more so than yourself. This is important: "... When I constantly refuse to take no for an answer, I miss the vital clues to my identity that arise when way closes-- and I am more likely both to exceed my limits and to do harm to others in the process" (43).

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He discusses the ecology of life and how we are like organisms in an ecosystem: "there are some roles and relationships in which we thrive and others in which we wither and die" (44). This is where I'm finding myself. Which ecosystem next? Well, I know LA is next... but after that? Is it Berkeley? Lancaster? Twin Cities? Denver? I don't know yet. I told Emily Joye (our new--and amazing-- associate at church) that this spring I am shedding control and embracing ambiguity. I just had this discussion with Rev. about how I need to stop worrying about seminary stuff... I'm not going to be certain for at LEAST 6 months, so I need not get all frustrated with the process. That's why it's a process.

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BUT I do need to figure out which place is going to be the ecosystem in which I may thrive. I need to "stay true to what I know about myself" (47) and that should help me decide too. After all, the seminary at which I end up will be my home for another three years. It has to embody qualities I appreciate and need in order to live to my fullest. It has to be able to open me up to new possibility, help me realize my potential, and bring me to new revelations. Palmer says that when he does something that is out of character or not of his nature, way closes behind him. I've done that. I went to Cornerstone... it totally wasn't right... and i new it the day the Christian Ed. major was rid of. Actually, I knew it the day I came to finally understand what the UCC was all about (June before school started) but I couldn't do anything about it then. Nothing was going well, I was depressed and school was harder than it needed to be. I transferred. Instead of taking it as a failure, I realized that it just wasn't for me. It wasn't where I needed to be to thrive...

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That place, was Elmhurst. So here I am, thriving and growing. But time is almost over and it's time to find that next place. Through my experience I have learned what Palmer says on p. 52: "We will become better [pastors] not by trying to fill the potholes in our souls but by knowing them so well that we can avoid falling into them." I have been figuring out my potholes... figuring out what it is that I need to avoid... figuring out what it is that empties me and isn't REALLY a part of me... Avoid that, and we could have smooth sailing.

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"We must learn to embrace the opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials. We must honor our limitations in ways that do not distort our nature, and we must trust and use our gifts in ways that fulfill the potentials God gave us" (55).

*Let your life speak: Ch. 2*

"Now I become myself.

It's taken time, many years and places.

I have been dissolved and shaken,

Worn other people's faces..."

-Mary Sarton

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That is the quest for vocation in 21 words, Palmer tells us. It's so hard to be yourself when you see people all around you accomplishing what you want to accomplish... and being that kind of person you have always wanted to be. When we are young we are easily impressionable. We see others and do whatever we can to be them. After all, theologian Craig Barnes (from PTS) says our lives are not about what we do but who we are. So then, why not find someone we want to be like and take on their personality, sayings, mannerisms as our own? Well, because that isn't who God is calling us to be.

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Palmer quotes Rabbi Zusya who said, "In the coming world, they will not ask me: Why were you not Moses? They will ask me: Why were you not Zusya?" That's a good enough answer. Moses is not who God is calling EACH of us to be... ___(your name here)___ is who God is calling you to be. We are to be our true selves. In the quaker tradition, that true self is our inner light or "that of God." That's powerful... our TRUEST self... is that which is of God. Imago Dei...We were made in the image of God... ALL OF US... with each of our interests and thoughts and ideas... Now, THAT is a powerful God. A wonderful God. One that embodies all of creation. It is awe-some to say that I have the same God as my Cornerstone friends, my pre-seminary friends, my Muslim and Jewish friends, and others around the world. AWE-some.

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More on discernment... So Palmer talks about how we can find ourselves on our journey wearing other people's faces. I've done this. You've done this. We've all done it. It's stupid and sometimes we don't even realize we're doing it. I did this for three years... when I realized it, I didn't know what to do with myself. After I had already committed to something with my "face" I had this grand realization about my life... my life as a Christian... as a member of a community... and as a member of the United Church of Christ. I finally realized what it meant to really be.

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"The deepest vocational question is not 'What ought I do with my life?' It is the more elemental and demanding 'Who am I? What is my nature?'" (15). I was too busy figuring out what I was going to do with my life to figure out who I truly was. You cannot do unless you are.... Buechner's famous definition of vocation is "the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need." In oder to figure out how to meet the world's deepest need, you have to figure out your deep gladness. It doesn't work the other way around. In order to figure out who we are, we also have to figure out WHOSE we are. "God's. I am God's" I wrote next to that sentence in Palmers book (17). What a breathtaking idea. I am first a child of God.

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The second part of this chapter deals with the darkness that comes with a journey into vocation. A journey isn't all about ups..but it isn't only about downs either. The first time I read Palmer's book, he helped me recognize something I couldn't name... a fear of failure. He was afraid of failing in the scholarly world... his fear of failure was different from mine. At first, when I thought of transferring from Cornerstone, I thought... "Well, this sucks. I've failed at making decisions. I chose to go here and I am failing by transferring." How wrong I was. I realized that decision wasn't one of failure but one of life... life-giving opporutnity. I was getting a new start. In that time of being at CU, I "had denied my true self..." but if I had "[remained] "at my post" simply because I was paralyzed with fear, I would almost certainly be lost in bitterness today instead of" going where I needed to be to grow and develop into the person God is calling me to be (36).

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Every journey into vocation has the chance to bring us closer to matching our "deep gladness" with "the world's deep need." I've already had one of those journeys and there are only more to make-- JVC. Seminary. And then some.

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This whole process of discernment is spiritually exhausting, but totally worth it. I discerned JVC. I know it is going to be incredible and incredibly challenging all at the same time, but I am ready. The ambiguity of seminary right now is killing me but I know that by the time I get all my visits done this fall I will at least be closer to figuring it out. I mean, I'm closer now than I was a year ago. I didn't think I would be as far in the discernment process so soon... but here we are and I'm down to four seminaries.

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My time as a JV in Hollywood/LA will help me identify more of my deep gladness and more of the world's deep need. My time as a seminarian will help me with that too... However, first things first

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In the word's of Anne Lamott, we'll figure it out... "bird by bird"...

*Let your life speak: Ch. 1*

So, the Lenten blogging is over... (aaand it went ok) but I see myself needing to discern more and more everyday. And, what do I do when I have a lot of discernment to do? Pray and read Parker Palmer's book, "Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the voice of vocation." So here we are blogging about Palmer's book and its applicability to my discernment process... This is the fourth time (at least) that I have read this book, and I find something new in it every time. So I pray that this series will be of use to you as much as it is to me and that through my processing you may come to understand your life and find ways to let your life speak, as well.

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"I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about... or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions" (4). Wow, this hits hard. I feel as though I have never represented anything real in the world because, at this point, how could I understand all that my life "is truly about"? Palmer is speaking as a 61 year old man who has a whole bunch more life experience than I... a whole bunch more time to have figured out what his life is truly about... a whole bunch more. So how do I accept that?

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Well, it's all a process, right? "The soul speaks its truth only under quiet, inviting, and trustworthy conditions" (7). I'm hoping that's part of the process too. In my room here at school, these conditions (particularly quiet and inviting) are hard to find/make for myself. I have some of the loudest roommates in the world and while I wouldn't trade them for anything, it is still hard to get peace and quiet. (In all honesty I'm looking forward to warm weather so I can sit on the mall and blog!) SO... I get quiet... invite God, and my soul, and my self to sit together... and I trust. Then what?

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Well, I pray, I suppose. In the quaker tradition (Palmer's tradition), you sit for a couple hours in complete silence. There's something called a "clearness committee" from the Quaker tradition. For me, I would sit with my discernment group from church and put a few of my questions out on the table. Then, we would sit there for two hours (maybe even three) not answering my questions but letting them ruminate... inviting them into the space... Allowing them to be. The people in my discernment group would ask me questions back. Not having conversation about it all, it would be just questions and silence... I do have to say, my group is a wild bunch of church folk that find it hard not to laugh. So, if nothing else, it could be a good test... hah.

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Back to Palmer... Trust means finding firm belief in something and if I'm going to firmly believe the answers my soul (and God) reveal, well, then that means taking the good with the bad. "I must also let it speak things I do not want to her and would never tell anyone else!" (6). Even in my discernment group I must embrace the questions that seem hard... ridiculous... out of the question... impossible... unbelievable... because in that space I am trusting that God is helping me understand my discernment. A Burundian proverb says, "Asking leads to knowledge." (I feel like the people from Burundi must be quaker... or Rabbis... Just kidding...). That embodies all that Palmer is talking about... asking questions.. whether they are answered aloud or not... asking them is what matters. Putting them out there to be heard.

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"It is a silence that forever invites us to fathom the meaning of our lives-- and forever reminds us of depths of meaning that words will never touch" (8).