*Let your life speak: Ch. 1*

So, the Lenten blogging is over... (aaand it went ok) but I see myself needing to discern more and more everyday. And, what do I do when I have a lot of discernment to do? Pray and read Parker Palmer's book, "Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the voice of vocation." So here we are blogging about Palmer's book and its applicability to my discernment process... This is the fourth time (at least) that I have read this book, and I find something new in it every time. So I pray that this series will be of use to you as much as it is to me and that through my processing you may come to understand your life and find ways to let your life speak, as well.

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"I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about... or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions" (4). Wow, this hits hard. I feel as though I have never represented anything real in the world because, at this point, how could I understand all that my life "is truly about"? Palmer is speaking as a 61 year old man who has a whole bunch more life experience than I... a whole bunch more time to have figured out what his life is truly about... a whole bunch more. So how do I accept that?

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Well, it's all a process, right? "The soul speaks its truth only under quiet, inviting, and trustworthy conditions" (7). I'm hoping that's part of the process too. In my room here at school, these conditions (particularly quiet and inviting) are hard to find/make for myself. I have some of the loudest roommates in the world and while I wouldn't trade them for anything, it is still hard to get peace and quiet. (In all honesty I'm looking forward to warm weather so I can sit on the mall and blog!) SO... I get quiet... invite God, and my soul, and my self to sit together... and I trust. Then what?

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Well, I pray, I suppose. In the quaker tradition (Palmer's tradition), you sit for a couple hours in complete silence. There's something called a "clearness committee" from the Quaker tradition. For me, I would sit with my discernment group from church and put a few of my questions out on the table. Then, we would sit there for two hours (maybe even three) not answering my questions but letting them ruminate... inviting them into the space... Allowing them to be. The people in my discernment group would ask me questions back. Not having conversation about it all, it would be just questions and silence... I do have to say, my group is a wild bunch of church folk that find it hard not to laugh. So, if nothing else, it could be a good test... hah.

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Back to Palmer... Trust means finding firm belief in something and if I'm going to firmly believe the answers my soul (and God) reveal, well, then that means taking the good with the bad. "I must also let it speak things I do not want to her and would never tell anyone else!" (6). Even in my discernment group I must embrace the questions that seem hard... ridiculous... out of the question... impossible... unbelievable... because in that space I am trusting that God is helping me understand my discernment. A Burundian proverb says, "Asking leads to knowledge." (I feel like the people from Burundi must be quaker... or Rabbis... Just kidding...). That embodies all that Palmer is talking about... asking questions.. whether they are answered aloud or not... asking them is what matters. Putting them out there to be heard.

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"It is a silence that forever invites us to fathom the meaning of our lives-- and forever reminds us of depths of meaning that words will never touch" (8).