+Lent2010: Power and other things+

Tonight I experienced the power of young adults in ministry.

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So often youth/young adults are pushed to the side because if they aren't going into ministry, they don't have much to offer. Well, those people are wrong. It is refreshing. As I am caught up in the ministry crowd at school, it is good to see young adults willing to make worship happen, even when they aren't planning on going into ministry. Tonight we saw two of our college/post college students drumline-it-up between scripture and reflections. There were several others who spoke at some point and at some length. Most of these young adults have rarely participated in services before. Most likely it is in part happening because we have an awesome new associate pastor whose goal is to draw the 20-40 crowd to church. But besides that, they are still willing.

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And they weren't just willing, they were amazing. They didn't have to participate just because our new pastor wanted them to... they did it because they found it intriguing and they came up with awesome ideas for songs and the ritual action and the message... It was incredible.

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It was particularly refreshing after the bland service I went to at Andover-Newton (it was a UU service, but I'm not blaming anyone... it just wasn't up my alley...). I love Awestruck... I wish we could make Illuminae that moving... Illuminae needs something else and I can't figure out what it is.

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Maybe we need to empower... empower students who have various gifts and encourage them to use them. Perhaps they just need some motivation. Maybe they just need someone to believe in them, to push them, to trust them.

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I think we have so many issues because youth are raised in environments in which they are told they can never succeed and they are scum of the earth... but I am, and we all should be, here to tell them that they too are sons and daughters of God and deserve every bit of support and help as every other child of God.

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So this has turned into more than I was planning... but anyway... Young adults have power beyond their imagination... I wish they, and especially others, would realize it, embrace it, and encourage it. We all have different gifts for a reason.

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USE THEM!

+Lent2010: Fuzzy Feelings 1+

So here I am in Boston, Massachusetts. Tomorrow I will be exploring Andover-Newton Theological School (ANTS) in Newton Center, MA. It's where the senior pastor at my home church, Tom Ott, went to seminary. It's a great school and I am really drawn by their interfaith work, their classes, their chapel, and their location.

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Tomorrow will be a test. It will be the first seminary at which I am doing an official visit and is one to which I have never been before. It will be interesting to see how it goes. I'm not trying to expect anything because as I have learned in the past, it is better to be expectant, not expecting something. I'm expecting it to be a good, learning experience.

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After all, I may be spending 3 years of my life here, down the road. We'll see. The song entitled "Boston" by Augustana says:

She said I think I'll go to Boston...

I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California

Well, that's about right... get out of California.. I will be in LA for the next year and then go onto seminary. Weird. We'll see if I get the fuzzy feelings tomorrow.

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After all, the fuzzy feelings is really what it's all about.

+Lent2010: wanting...+

I want to be one of those people that is spiritually disciplined... I want to know that I have prayer time every day... that I see everything as a product of God... that I know the Holy Spirit is moving in every part of my life...

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I don't know how to be that...

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And i know it isn't just going to change overnight, I know I have to work at it... but...

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I just don't know...

+Lent2010: Meditation+

Meditating is HARD!

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It's nice to give your mind a break, but I feel like even when I'm sitting in the dark... and in silence... my head just keeps spinning...

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and spinning...

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and spinning...

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I continue to think about everything and anything I need to do, want to do, forgot to do...

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I need to continue it after Lent, though, that's for sure... I like it. Maybe I'll even... (gasp!) make it 10 minutes instead of 5.

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ah, peace.

+Lent2010: Love+

Jesus said, "³⁰Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' ³¹The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'There is no commandment greater than these."

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I saw people all day today getting angry because there was a line, or being perturbed by a little wait, getting angry with their kids, becoming outraged at nothing, and giving looks like you've never seen before.

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Jesus said, "Love your neighbor as yourself"...

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I wonder if all those people love themselves...

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What does it mean to love yourself?

+Lent2010: Suburbs+

"Complaint is only possible when living in the suburbs of God." -- Hafiz

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I love this... not because of what the entire sentences says, but because of the idea of having "suburbs of God." I think complaining is important-- on some level. For some people, it is the only way they know how to have conversation. But for others (and I think for most) it is a way to release tension and vent... we all need to vent once in a while because we can't build things up and internalize them. I tried giving up complaining for Lent a couple years back. Leah told me it wasn't a good idea for the reason I just stated. And it makes a lot of sense. It is a good rule for some, but not everyone.

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I mean, sure you can say, "I am a child of God and I follow Christ and so I have nothing to complain about because God made the world and God will work it all out..." Yes, but we are human and we have our own stuff going on that is important to keep track of.

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Anyway, I don't want to focus on that... I want to talk about suburbs real quick. Suburbs are outlying residential districts of a city... Elmhurst is a Chicago Suburb. It is crammed in between other suburbs, busy, and active. When we are going going going, focusing on solely the temporal, and so close to the city but never getting quite there... we're too caught up in our own thing. we need to get out of the suburbs of God and get into the city. So maybe there are more people, and maybe it is just as busy, but we're not on the outskirts anymore... we're CLOSER... we're in the thick of it.

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That's where God wants us... in the thick of God. Being closer to God. Being a part of God.

+Lent2010: Oh, God...+

"How funny god is.. mmm?!" -- Yoda

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So, I thought maybe I would read todays StillSpeaking devotional and it would have some awesome insight into my seminary visit this weekend and trying to figure out whether or not I want to go here. See, I keep saying, I'm worried my nostalgia will get the best of me and all of my memories of SYI will come flooding back. I'm so comfortable here and feel like I belong... but I know just because I'm comfortable doesn't mean I'm meant to go here... after all, that's what happened with college the first time around. I told that to one of my friends (that goes to PTS) and he said, "Don't let it." Easier said than done, my friend. I love this place with a lot of my heart... but I don't want to go here if that's the only reason. (I hate driving in Pitt anyway...)

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So back to the stillspeaking devotional... the writer for this time around used a passage from Joshua 4 to talk about how things in our past can be stumbling blocks and prevent us from seeing new opportunities and possibilities that may lie ahead.

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At this point, I'm thinking, "Awesome... God is speaking to me through this email... I can't let my relationship with PTS get in the way..." and then the author of the email wrote, "But just as the past can be a stumbling block, it can also be a stepping stone." Really... REALLY KENNETH SAMUEL!? Of course... God isn't going to make this easy. I know, I know... I have at least 4 other seminaries to visit. Maybe I will feel called to one specific one and it will be so blatantly obvious I will have never had to worry about it. OR perhaps, as I said the other day and as Laura mentioned tonight, maybe me coming to SYI was an introduction to PTS because without SYI I would have never known of this seminary...

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Darn double-edged sword... It gives me lots to think about... pray about... and discern about... This is only the beginning of a process. I like it though :)

+Lent2010: Weather and Hope+

There is something so powerful about a change in weather. People are in a better mood. Things seem easier. Life seems better. It can made a bad day a good day.

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I just went for an hour long run because it is 61 degrees outside. Holy cow. It's always about finding joy in the little things. All of next week is supposed to be in the high 40s. It isn't the 60s, but I will take it. I will take any positive energy that comes from the weather. It makes me feel better and lets face it... I wear my emotions on my sleeve so when I am in a happy mood, everyone around me becomes happier too :) That is the way it typically works with anyone, right?

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This is why I always hope for sun on Easter. It makes the resurrection that much more real. If Jesus came "back from the dead" on a rainy day, I'm just not sure it would have the same effect. And in my experience, Easter is much more enjoyable when the sun is shining and I can wear a skirt to church!

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This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

+Lent2010: Oh, Facebook+

The Inward/Outward today talked about having an empty soul. Somehow I have found that connection to a decision I made today... a minor one regarding facebook. In solidarity (or perhaps just for my own good) with Ally, I have quit facebook for the week so I can get back on track with homework and important stuff like that. I'm sick of kicking myself for spending too much time on it when I know I have so.much.other.stuff.to.do.

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So here's to emptying myself of the stupid stuff and filling myself with that which is nourishing and good.

+Lent2010: Judgment... on yourself?+

From Romans 2---Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself.

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So, the amazing Lillian Daniel wrote the stillspeaking devotional for today and she talked about how in her house no one can offer suggestions or discuss what everyone else is giving up for lent. This is fair. She says its because they each pass judgment on each other based on their ideas for fasting.

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But, what if you are the one passing judgment on yourself in the first place?

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Let me give you context. I have forgotten a couple times (fortunately on Sundays-the little Easters) that I am supposed to be doing this everyday. Where's the line between a goal and a burden? Not that I don't enjoy doing this, but I judge myself every time I forget to do it. For example, I literally almost got into bed about 10 minutes ago and then realized that I had forgotten... "Ugh... shoot. I can't NOT do it... it's my lenten... thing!" Hm. So what does that mean?

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Well, I haven't had someone judge my lenten additions. However, I find myself questioning the purpose... I have kept up with my daily meditation and am finding it really helpful. It may even become habit! (Although I sometimes remember to do that last minute too.) I feel like I should be able to manage so many things: homework, meditation, prayer, blogging, extracurriculars, exercise, eating right, meetings, time for myself. That's a lot. Not to mention the burdens of my heart... the concerns of my friends and family... the health of some friends and family members... what is one to do?

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Well, hold on. Can you actually judge yourself? Now that I'm thinking about this I'm wondering... what constitutes a judgment? Criticism. Yup, you can judge yourself. Well what does that do for the scripture verse from Romans? It's obviously not a vice-versa situation... I suppose I just need to keep to my lenten goals. It's part of the process, right?

+Lent2010: Prayer pt.2+

Sometimes I don't think prayer always works... but then there are times when it is evident.

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Tonight I started working on my sermon for the ministry team outing on April 18. I will be preaching to a congregation of about 12 whose numbers will be doubled by the ministry team participants. Of these 12, most are in AA, there are a few blind and a few deaf people, as well as a couple disabled. It is multi-ethnic and has a wide array of ranges. It's a UCC mission church which means that several UCC churches in the area support it with their offerings of money, time, and talents. It's really a beautiful thing.

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The lectionary for that day includes Acts 9:1-20. I preached on this passage a couple years ago, but with the help of a friend am finding a new way to look at it. However, my idea talks about seeing and hearing God in the everyday ventures of life. How am I supposed to tell these people who can't see or hear that they need to find God?

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Well, I remember that prayer works sometimes (:]) so I decide to pray before I delve into my writing/note taking process. I ask God that she would illuminate the readings so I may produce the words to speak to these people in April. I am using resources and pulling up different verses of the passages (Acts 9:1-20 and Psalm 30) to try to put something together. Fortunately, I think I've got it.

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Encouraging people to use all their senses to experience God's world the way God experiences her world. We can't have this pigeon-holed view of the world. We are converted by God, as Saul was converted to Paul, to see greater things.

+Lent2010: the presence+

It seems to say, if you want to last, hold on to nothing.

If you want to know love, let in everything.
If you want to feel the presence of everything,

stop counting the things that break along the way.

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It wouldn't be fair for me to blog tonight. I have a headache the size of Alaska. Yes, Alaska. Don't judge.

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p.s. this is my 100th post. I should throw a party or something.

+Lent2010: Untitled+

I told myself I would be writing everyday but I didn't think about what to write when I felt like I didn't have anything to write. This is one of those times. The daily devotionals didn't really strike me... I didn't have any awe-inspiring moment today. I don't know. I suppose I am just not thinking critically enough... plus its 12:15. I need to sleep.

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Praise God for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

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That's all that comes to mind.

+Lent2010: Joy+

I love meeting people over again...

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tonight I ran into one of my friends who I see everyday but we never hang out. She's always doing homework and I always pass by on my way back from a meeting. It's a fun relationship.

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But tonight was different.

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Tonight we talked for over an hour about our lives/faith/callings/etc. and it was incredibly random. At one point I told her i should go and let her get back to homework and she said no, she is always too busy doing homework and missing out on her college experience and getting to know people. I told her I have been feeling that way for WEEKS! It was amazing. We chatted and laughed... and laughed some more. We learned so much about each other it was shocking.

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The Inward/Outward for today goes perfectly:

We all underestimate our need for joy. If we are not careful, we live as if our schedules are our lives. We cross one thing after another off the list. At the end of the day, we have completed our chores, but we haven't necessarily been present for our own experiences. (Mary Pipher)

+Lent2010: Prayer+

Simone Weil said: "Nothing is more difficult than prayer. In all other tasks of religious life, however exacting, one can sometimes rest, but there is no rest in prayer, up to the end of one's life." (Courtesy of Inward/Outward)

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I think this speaks to the power and importance of prayer. Because of some situations currently going on, I will admit that I have probably prayed more in the past several days than combined in my life. I've become more comfortable with prayer. Instead of calling my mom on my walk back to my room, I'm praying. Instead of just falling asleep right away at night, I pray.

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Weil's comment really drives home this idea of praying with every step... with every breath. Thomas Merton once said that the only words we need to pray are, "Lord, You know." That's easy. Weil suggests prayer shouldn't be easy... so how do we reconcile this? There's responsibility on my part as a Christian to recognize the world's concerns, the joys of my friend's lives, as well as the sorrows, the pain and shortcomings in my life..... But maybe it is in those quiet moments that we can just say "God, you know..." and let that be enough.

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It isn't easy... especially because we have so much weighing on us... and that's the point of prayer, right? To give it to God... and let God worry about it... But when we pray we bring all of our hurts and issues to the forefront of our minds... and it puts it back on our shoulders... what's that about? What does it take to hand something over to God? I don't know how to do this...

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It's hard. Simone Weil even said so...

+Lent2010: Growth+

M. Scott Peck, 20th century
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

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I sat with a scholar of mine when I was at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary for the Summer Youth Institute and discussed her feelings about having to speak in front of the rest of the group. She's outgoing, funny, and well-loved. Her problem wasn't speaking... her problem was being vulnerable. She was going to reveal part of her dark past to 30 people she had met less than two weeks ago. They didn't feel like strangers anymore... but they were.

I had told her twice that good stuff can come from an awkward situation. She didn't like that the first time around... the second time she just brushed it off.

But then there was the time in the bathroom. We met up coincidentally in the bathroom and she said something about it again. I said plainly: "Growth comes from discomfort, you know." She finally got it. A light bulb went off; she had a revelation. It made sense. She finally realized she could grow from this position of vulnerability.

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As most, I am very bad at taking my own advice. Most of the time they say that when you preach, you're preaching to yourself first... this is more than likely always true for me. It's hard to accept. I can preach it and give that advice, but I don't always follow it. But Dr. Peck (and I :]) are right. It is only in those moments of discomfort when we go where we have never gone before; when we reach for something we never thought was attainable; when we search for answers we once thought weren't worth searching for. It is when we push ourselves we realize that something is possible... even if that possibility is still a failure, we will have learned from it. That's what is important.

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The other day I lost my pin off my bag that said: "Do one thing everyday that scares you.-- Eleanor Roosevelt" I loved that pin... and I love the quote. It is something I embraced in New Zealand... but have yet to figure out here at home. I'm still adjusting in a sense. Either way, it's a good motto to live by.