.A living, breathing hope [video].

Here is the video of my sermon given on the first Sunday of Advent at Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church.

A living, breathing hope. 

.love came down.

Advent songs are hard to come by. I usually stick with my trusty old "O Come, O Come, Emmanuel." And this year there is a good, new version out by a band called The Civil Wars. I mean, breathtakingly good.


But in this post I want to highlight a song that is all about love as the sole purpose of Christ's birth. We are using it for the advent series of our alternative worship service, <awaken> , on campus.  This song, these lyrics, the emotions... grabs me beyond comprehension. "Love came down and the earth stood still."




   

A teenage girl and her soon-to-be.

A simple trip far as they could see.

The sky was clear and the hour serene.
But did they know what the night would bring.

Lonely hearts strung across the land
They've been waiting long for a healing hand.
My heart was there and I felt the chill
Love came down and the earth stood still
Love came down and the earth stood still

Shepherds stirred under starry skies
Tasting grace that would change their lives
The angels trembled and the demons did too
For they knew very well what pure grace would do.

The hope of the world and a baby boy.
I remember Him well like I was there that night.
My heart was there and I felt the chill.
Love came down and the earth stood still
Love came down and the earth stood still
Love came down and the earth stood still

.A Living, Breathing Hope.

Sermon :: Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church :: Advent 1 :: 11.27.11

(video coming soon!)

On this Sunday every year we hear the same sermon about keeping watch for a glimpse of hope because the Christ child is on his way. This year, I am a little hesitant to talk about hope in this way for the following reasons: 

·      Occupiers at Occupy Oakland were tear gassed, beaten, and shot with non-lethal weapons.

·      An earthquake, a 3.9 on the Richter scale shook the bay area.

·      An unrecognizable package was detonated by Berkeley police at the Mormon School for Ministry, housed across the street from Pacific School of Religion.

·      A man with a gun entered the UC Berkeley Haas School for Business and was shot on site.

·      Another earthquake, this time 4.0 on the Richter scale, hit the bay area.

·      Students at OccupyCal are beaten for their peaceful protest.

·      And in most recent news, students linked arm in arm at UC Davis are casually pepper sprayed by cops.

In my world for the last few weeks, it felt like nothing was going right.

With that in mind…Let us pray… (God may the words…)

In our first scripture this morning, we hear of Jesus telling the disciples to keep awake for they do not know when the master of the house will return. Now, we all know that Jesus is alluding to when he comes back to earth. And for 1^st century Christians to whom the book of Mark was written, this was an imminent return. Jesus was coming back tomorrow... next week. They thought Jesus was coming back really soon. You see, it was during this time that Christians were suffering under the persecution of the Roman Empire. And so this imminent return was even more significant because the sooner Jesus came back, the sooner they could escape their scary and dangerous reality. Jesus gave them hope because when he came back things would be made right.

So now it is now about 2000 years later. Jesus still hasn’t returned in the way early Christians were expecting. And with events like the ones I mentioned taking place, any sense of hope feels lost.

So lets explore this idea of hope. What is it that gives us hope? Is it the fact that Congress just kinda sorta made Pizza a vegetable? Does that restore hope for our children’s future? Or what about the 2012 Republican Debates? Or maybe it is the completion of those debates that bring hope? All kidding aside… will President Obama pulling out the troops by January 1 restore your hope in peace and justice? Will corporate change provoked by the Occupy Movement restore your hope in the power of nonviolence? Perhaps after the holidays wind down and the New Year begins… perhaps THEN we will be able to muster up the courage to be hopeful. But for now, at least for me, this hope feels lost.

You’re probably thinking, “Gosh... we send her to seminary and she gets all negative about the world. What are they teaching her?!” I know, I know, it sounds like the good news of the Gospel this morning isn’t exactly good news. But! It is. I promise, good news is yet to come. 

So here we are, progressive Christians living in a crazy chaotic world full of death and destruction, injustice and patriarchal systems, natural disasters and appalling national decisions. So what do we do? Pray to God and then sit back and relax trusting that God will do it all? Do we violently push our way to the root of the systems in an attempt to right the wrongs? Or perhaps we find ways to think creatively and use the skills we already have to create a better future?

Imagine that: imagine using the gifts and talents that we already have in our possession to further the Kin-dom of God. Using our skills and strengths to do what we can to bring hope to the world.

“From the fig tree, learn its lesson:” Jesus said, “as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts forth leaves, you know the summer is near.” Church, did you hear that? AS SOON AS its branch becomes tender and PUTS FORTH leaves, you know that SUMMER IS NEAR. As soon as we put forth our gifts, you know that hope is near. Verse 30 of our text says: “this generation will not pass away until all these things have taken place.“ We are here to carry out the Kin-dom of God even if all else feels like its gone to the dogs. We are here to use our skills in all their various ways because where someone else falls short, we may pick up the slack. You see, we are the hope we’ve been waiting for.

There is this theme of vigilance and accountability in the Mark passage that reminds us to remind each other that we have these gifts and skills, talents and abilities. And not only that we have them, but to encourage each other to USE them!

In verse 7 of our second reading today from First Corinthians, we are told that we have been enriched in Christ so that we are not lacking in any spiritual gifts as we wait for Jesus to come to earth.  You see, Paul was writing to Corinth because there were a variety of issues ranging from lawsuits to sexual immorality, divisions among people to idolatry… hm… they all sound related, don’t they? They also sound a lot like our world today.  He was reminding them of the need to work together to combat these issues in order to bring about the Kin-dom of God. It was this reminder that each person has been given gifts BY God to use FOR God. It is not that hope relies on us because God is constantly working through us. God is working through these talents and skills because it is God who bestowed them upon us.

Marianne Williamson, quoting JFK, said, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” This quote by Williamson often stops there. But what comes after this is just as important. She goes on to say, “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.” Amen?! That sounds like a challenge to me. We are being called to claim our identity as fully-capable children of God whose gifts and skills and talents are beautiful and wonderful and we are called to use them to re-instill hope in the world and to manifest the glory of God within us.   

Perhaps if we give voice to them and acknowledge them in each other’s presence we can hold each other accountable to utilizing them in this world where so much of it is needed. So, church, tell me… and this is not a rhetorical question. What are some of your gifts? Don’t be afraid! Speak them out loud! ......... I know there are more, so as the day unfolds feel free to speak them out loud to each other. 

The day I started planning out this sermon I got a quote in my email from Wendell Berry, the insightful Catholic farmer, whose poetry is familiar to many.  He wrote reminding us that from this experience of life, we know that human failure is altogether possible because we have done it over and over and over again...And that if we were trying to look for optimism we would be kidding ourselves. Like I said earlier… all hope feels lost. But, then he says this… “On the other hand, we want to be hopeful, and hope is one of our duties. A part of our obligation to our own being and to our descendants is to study our life and our condition, searching always for the authentic underpinnings of hope. And if we look, these underpinnings can still be found.”

And if we look, these underpinnings can still be found…

I am convinced that this hope can be found within us.  It is in this season of advent that is now officially upon us that we are being called to hope. “From the fig tree, learn its lesson:” Jesus says, “as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts forth leaves, you know the summer is near.” Embrace your tenderness. Feel your spiritual gifts rise to every occasion. Bring them to the table. And BE HOPE. Don't just be hopeful. Don’t just say and look. But do and act. Make hope an action. As you wait for the Christ child to arrive in the coming weeks, know that you are a talented, fabulous child of God. And know that you are a living, breathing embodiment of hope. 

 Amen.

.music to the soul.

(Re)discovered Andy McKee the other day. Forgot how amazing his music is. This is a favorite. 

enjoy. 

.soul(full) movement.

just wanting to dance...
feeling the beat...
the cadence of the sounds.
the Holy rhythm
pulsing/loving/moving
in and out, up and down,
causing a righteous ruckus.

they tried to stay still but
just....
......couldn't.
mother hushing,
waving fingers,
shaming them for the
movement
of the Spirit
with(in) them.

suppression
suffocates the beauty
and replaces it with
fear.
the unabashed
movement of life
and love and
strength
dissipates with a single
"shhhh."

embodiment
is all they wanted.
these children,
who so clearly love
all that is Holy,
enveloped by soul(full)
rhythms.

Sacred Ground is all
they/we
stand
on.

.fear and love.

I was taught by a friend in class today that in Western culture, good is the opposite of evil. That's how we live life and, as a part of that, our religious beliefs. We think in these terms, label people/places/things in these terms, categorize in these terms.

However, in the Asian/Pacific Islander culture(s) they hold a different dichotomy to be true. They believe that love is the opposite of fear. So we made a list of our fears... and then a list of things that come to mind when we think of love. Then my friend said this...

"The things I'm afraid of are the things I haven't learned to love yet." 

Naming our fears gives us the ability to get rid of them and I think naming them gives us the ability to love them (in)to life/death. In this process of wrestling with them and ultimately loving them, we are opened up to the grace of God. Calling out our fears helps us realize that there really isn't that much to be afraid of because there's a lot more love where they came from.

And with the season of Advent upon us, I leave this:

"The light shines in the darkness but the darkness did not overcome it." (john 1:5)

.inclusion and integration.

In the book, Revelations: Latin American Wisdom for Every Day, today, tomorrow and Saturday's quotes  find resonance together. They raise the necessity for the weaving together of culture and relationship in all of humanity.

"Integration has never happened through self-interest and money, but through the thread of culture, through that dense tissue of strands joined together by shared values." --Federico Mayor

"We are Indian, black, European, but above all mixed, "mestizo." We are Iberian and Greek, Roman and Jewish, Arab, Gothic, and Gypsy. Spain and the New World are centers where multiple cultures meet-- centers of incorporation, not of exclusion. When we exclude, we betray ourselves. When we include, we find ourselves." Carlos Fuentes (bold addition is mine)

"The divine is in the human." Jose Marti

**(props to Leah and David for bestowing this incredible gift to me a few years ago)

.salvation.

...still discerning the bit about the orange sky... 

but I know my salvation lies in the love of the Divine.

This is my prayer...

.injustice beyond comprehension.

Tonight, at 11:08pm EST, Troy Davis, an innocent death row inmate was murdered by the state of Georgia after 20+ years on death row. Below is the liturgy I wrote for our impromptu vigil on campus. "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." (MLK Jr.)

-------------------------------------------

One:: We gather in this space together this afternoon to pause and to recognize the execution of Troy Davis. We gather here at PSR knowing that we are not alone. We are praying and keeping silence with millions of people all over the world who acknowledge the injustice that is being done in these next moments. God have mercy.

Many:: Hear our prayer

One:: For these long 22 years since his sentence, people of all ages, races, and religions filled with passion and conviction over the case of Troy Davis have been united, working for justice and peace all around the country. While we give thanks for this unity, we recognize that this is a case that has done harm. God have mercy.

Many:: Hear our prayer

One:: We come together to bear witness that whenever a life is taken, humanity suffers. The death of Mark MacPhail is a tragedy, but it does not legitimate the murder of another. God, help us to work towards a day when all nations would cease taking the lives of their citizens in retribution for criminal action. God have mercy.

Many:: Hear our prayer

One: Holy one, we ask that your Spirit moves through the state government of Georgia and ask that you give courage to those on the Board of Pardons and Paroles that they would be filled with compassion and love. God have mercy.

Many :: Hear our prayer

One:: In the words of Troy Davis, “They can take my body but not my spirit, because I have given my spirit to God.” Holy one, we ask that you take Troy in peace and without pain. May his spirit live on in those whose lives are now, more than ever, committed to the cause of justice, wherever it may be needed. God have mercy.

Many : Hear our prayer

Let us pray…

Divine being of all possibility, we pray today for openings through which justice and peace can walk arm in arm. How often people seem caught in webs of fear and denial, hatred and arrogance. Too many of those who would speak boldly discover their voices muffled by self-interest.  Holy one, make us instruments of your peace. Give those of us with voices strength and courage to stand in the face of oppression and violence that we may speak up for the voiceless.

                  We pray today for the state government of Georgia and the Savannah Police Department that they might come to know Your love and compassion.  May we be examples for future generations of public love… of visible justice. Help us to be bold people full of life in the face of certain death.  Set alight your world so that it may tremble with hope instead of fear.

                  We pray also for the MacPhail family who lost a family member in this tragedy and we ask that your peace which passes all understanding would comfort his family in this time of grief and pain. While we cannot fathom the depth of their anger and sorrow, we lift them up in prayer and ask that your healing powers continue to work in their hearts.

Hear now our prayers both spoken and those on our hearts….
……………………………………………

Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream.

All these things we pray in all your many names… amen.

(Prayer adapted from “the well is deep” by Virginia Rickeman; and Amnesty International)

.Just Don't Know [video].

The spoken word video you have all been waiting for!

This is the first time I shared my spoken word piece with the public. I did it as part of the Scripture for one of the days I preached in LA. The other scripture was Psalm 31:1-5, 15-16.  The audio is sorta whack, so listen close. Here is the written poem as posted in my blog a while back.

.delicacies.

Sometimes I think the point of the Dove wrappers are not to tell you whatever the message is inside, but rather to remind you that if you open it up hurriedly, you will probably rip the message and not be able to read it. And who wants that? 

How often to we handle matters (of the heart) (of the soul) (of life) delicately?
We are so rushed and impersonal that we don't do much with intention these days... 

Thank you, Dove, for reminding me to live fearlessly with intention. 

.breathe.

For those caught breathless as the events of 9/11/01 took place ten years ago... and even again today...

I offer you this.

Don't forget to breathe...

.Reclaiming Testimony.

Testimony.

When you hear that, what do you think of? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you find yourself feeling uneasy? Is it something with which you are not very familiar?

I recently read an article for class called "Testimony" written by Bishop Thomas Hoyt Jr., the current bishop of the Christian Methodist Episcopal (C.M.E.) church. I found the article stirring in me a familiar feeling that felt unfamiliar due to the topic.

Growing up in a white, relatively conservative church within a progressive denomination, the word "testimony" didn't get thrown around a lot. To me it always felt like one of those super-revival-y words that I equated with super conservative churches... of both African American and White cultures. But, as I read on about it, I found that it can be and is a really valuable Spiritual practice.

"The practice of testimony is one that people sorely need, particularly in a society where many voices sound yet where public speech that is honest and empowering is rare." (emphasis added)

As someone who has been working to find her voice, I can't raise this up enough. People have stories of God's love and presence in their life that were and continue to be transformative. These stories need to be shared. Testimony is almost necessary to communit(y)/(ies).  We hear of it in courtrooms and personal relationships and churches. It brings people together by recognizing someone's experience as Truth.  "In testimony, a believer describes what God has done in her life, in words both biblical and personal..." In order to fully understand the scope of testimony, we need a little history lesson.

History
Testimony has always been around, but it seems to have taken hold in African American churches "derived from their experience of marginality in the American context... Even though the civil rights movement brought relative justice and ended the universal system of apartheid, the black masses are still caught in a web of selective apartheid." This existence gave way to a variety of expressions: fear, love, hope, joy, sorrow, guilt, struggle.  In African American churches you can experience testimony through preaching, teaching, singing, praying, and shouting. On fire with Spirit, people verbally acknowledge the presence of God in their life. It is a way in which "words of freedom are spoken and heard."

The African American community has much in common with that of the Ancient Israelites from the Old Testament. Their slavery in Egypt and exile in the wilderness is similar to that of African American enslavement and a continual seeking of justice.  "Such testimony comes to life within the context of a story larger than the witness's own personal experience-- but this biblical story can also embrace and transform that experience."

Preaching
Preaching, as Hoyt says, is a shared practice. It is not just about the giver (preacher) and receiver (congregation). It is a communal practice that requires response. Preaching as testimony means the preacher speaks Truth to injustice. We hear these kinds of sermons all the time, but how often do we act on them? When Truth is preached, oftentimes it is hard to hear because we (I use that term generically, but mean typically White/privileged people) don't want to admit that we are contributing to the injustice in some way. The preacher's task is to dig deep within Scripture and society and speak the Truth in love to those listening.  "As Paul knew, this does not always mean that the preacher will pronounce what the community most wants to hear. The testimony of preaching is a prophetic testimony, one that makes compelling claims on both preachers and hearers." (emphasis added) We must, as people of faith, act on the word preached for the sake of the Gospel.

Singing
"If you would know the real life and history of a nation or people, study the testimony it makes in its songs." When words fail me, I pull up my iTunes and search for a song that hits me deep in my gut and puts words to feelings. Songs (and lyrics) speak volumes for people's state of being. "The songs that African American people have sung in history... have all helped them make sense of their lives in this country." Many times they would sing songs that gave them hope of a better future (in Heaven and on Earth) because when enslavement was their life, that's all they *could* hope for.

Living
Being a living testimony is another way to embody the love of God for people. Philosopher Paul Ricoeur says that testimony applies to "words, works, actions, and to lives which attest to an intention, an inspiration, and idea at the heart of experience and history which nonetheless transcends experience and history." Actions speak. Loudly. We are called, as people of faith, to be(ar)  witness to God's presence in the world. We are a people of Truth and reconciliation, faith and justice, bringing hope and life in the midst of death and despair while recognizing that it is God who has brought us this far.
....

So, as a member of the United Church of Christ, a progressive denomination, I want to reclaim testimony as a spiritual practice by speaking Truth to power in thought, word, song, and deed. And on this day, this 10th anniversary of 9/11, I ask you: What testimony do you have to speak or sing today? What are you being called to do in the midst of war and injustice? What words have you been given to speak up and out?

As it says in Isaiah 58... we are called to be "repairers of the breach"... and exactly what breach are we repairing by staying posted up in Iraq and Afghanistan? What breach are we repairing by staying fearful of our Muslim brothers and sisters? What breach are we repairing by living in doubt and despair?

Peace be with you [and all nations] as we mourn the loss of hundreds and hope for a world where reconciliation is possible.
______

[All quotes taken from Practicing our Faith: A Way of Life for A Searching People, edited by Dorothy C. Bass. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 1997.   Chapter 7 "Testimony" Thomas Hoyt Jr.]

.Transitions and facelifts.

First of all... if you are reading this you realize that my blog got a total facelift! This is true. Each time I have transitioned into something new, I give it a new look to recognize this transition. I even re-name it appropriately. 


Today I changed things. It is a simpler look and has the name "own the mystery..." I came across that phrase a while ago and loved it immediately. I think it screams volumes about the kind of Christian (and student) I am called to be in this world.  Divine Mystery is often used against people and places.  There's an ambiguous nature to the love of God... we don't know where *exactly* it comes from and we have a hard time feeling it sometimes, but it is there. And we tend to believe it anyway. People who grapple with this mystery and ask serious questions about it are, I find, more often than not Prophetic. 


When you own something, you claim it. You acknowledge that something is true. And Mystery is Truth to me. I think that without it, faith would be pretty boring and straightforward. And who wants to believe in something about which there are no questions to be asked? This is why I am in seminary. 


I have officially started my Masters of Divinity program at the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, CA. I have begun to read about and ask critical questions regarding the Bible and spirituality. And this is just the beginning. So much will unfold over the next three years and I don't know what it's going to look like... another kind of Mystery, I believe. 


I realized the other day that I am at the end of my plans. I set out for four years of undergrad (and all that it entails), a year of intentional volunteer work, and then the start of seminary. Well, here I am... starting seminary. I have no other plans for my life. And I like it that way. I have eased up and found myself relishing in those moments when "going with the flow" is the only thing I need to do. 


So here we go... three years and a whole lot of Mystery to uncover... let's do this. 

[holding too much]

Found this on my pastor/teacher/sister/friend's facebook. I'm re-posting this so I remember, as seminary starts, that I don't have to hold it all on my own...

+++++++++

The Armful

For every parcel I stoop down to seize
I lose some other off my arms and knees,
And the whole pile is slipping, bottles, buns --
Extremes too hard to comprehend at once,
Yet nothing I should care to leave behind.
With all I have to hold with hand and mind
And heart, if need be, I will do my best
To keep their building balanced at my breast.
I crouch down to prevent them as they fall;
Then sit down in the middle of them all.
I had to drop the armful in the road
And try to stack them in a better load.

[Doing it anyway...]

Sermon: July 31: Mt. Hollywood Congregational Church

Scripture: Isaiah 55:1-5; Psalm 145:8-9, 14-21

_______

Alright, so, I have a series of questions for you. Open up your heart and your mind and feel free to interpret the questions as needed. I’d like to you be honest, if you don’t mind, and raise your hand when the question pertains to you:

+How many of you have had to do something that seemed physically/emotionally/mentally- impossible?
+How many of you have moved somewhere, knowing hardly anyone? (I’m looking at you, JVC)
+How many of you have had interactions with strangers that were, surprisingly, life-giving?
+How many of you have experienced a sense of feeling inadequate? unable? unqualified?
+How many of you have, at some point in your life, felt like David up against some type of real life Goliath?

The fact is, we have all been in one or more of these situations at some point in our lives. The truth is, that we are up against these kinds of situations all the time. Sometimes they’re big problems. Sometimes they’re minor inconveniences. Maybe you accepted a job offer halfway across the country and had to uproot your family from everything they knew. Perhaps you found yourself running on adrenaline trying to save someone or something from danger. Or maybe you were put up to a task that felt totally impossible. Any of this sound familiar?

Let us pray. Gracious and loving God, may the words of my mouth and the meditations of each of our hearts be acceptable in your sight... for you are our Rock and our Redeemer. Amen.

In our first scripture for today, we hear God giving the reader new tasks, using King David as an example:

I set him up as a witness to the nations,
made him a prince and leader of the nations,
And now I'm doing it to you:
You'll summon nations you've never heard of,
and nations who've never heard of you
will come running to you...

You think David was really excited about a leader of the nations? It sounds like a pretty daunting task. He was probably looking as forward to that as I would be looking forward to summoning nations I’ve never heard of. However, none of us are probably going to be running nations AND, besides,it’s about more than that. So let me get to the relevance of it by sharing a quick story.

I was on a seminary visit at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary in 2007... the summer before my sophomore year of college. I sat in on a session with the Director of Admissions and when she opened up the floor for questions I raised my hand and said: I received a call to ministry about two years ago, when I was 16, and I am sure of that. But what do I do on those days when I feel totally inadequate and unable to do what God has called me to do? She responded with one simple phrase: God doesn’t call the equipped. God equips the called.

Let me say that again. God doesn’t call the equipped. God equips the called.

In the book of Isaiah, there are three books. First, second and third Isaiah. There are fancier names, but I’ll spare you. Our text for today falls into Second Isaiah, which spans chapters 40-55. The main theme of Second Isaiah is that of a New Exodus. The Israelites were being called home by God but so many of them had just gotten used to their new surroundings. You know, I was talking to a 22 year old client of mine who once served a 20 month prison sentence. She said that come the end of her sentence, she had begun to feel comfortable in the jail. “You get used to it,” she said. The unknowns of the outside world had become far scarier than the inside of the concrete walls she had begun to call home. In Isaiah 52, the Israelites are being called back to Jerusalem from Babylon, but scripture says, “they will not go out in great haste.” The author wrote it like that to assure that we compare it to the exodus in the Book of Exodus. You know the one. When the Israelites fled Egypt real quick to get away from Pharaoh and a life of slavery. Well, much like my client, the Israelites were scared to go back, even though they knew God was calling them. Even though they knew that what was to come, was going to be better. God was reclaiming them as her own. God was calling them back to the land from which they came. God was providing nourishment. God was calling them with no strings attached.

And yet, and yet... they remained hesitant.

How many times have we heard a business owner or someone of that nature tell us to come and buy even if we don’t have any money? “Sure, come get a iced chai tea latte with soy... you don’t have to pay for it!” It just doesn’t make sense for them, right? Starbucks would go out of business in a heartbeat and become a non-profit without the resources to restock and pay their employees.

However, the business of God is not like the business of humans.
People say, come to our store and, even though you don’t have any money, buy things anyway.
They say, come shopping on Black Friday! We have the greatest deals all year! BUY IT!
The day after Christmas, businesses discount all sorts of stuff, so just in case you didn’t get every single thing you wanted, you can buy MORE!

However...

God says even when you don’t have power or wealth, you can come anyway.
When you’ve lost all you had and it feels like God has left you behind, believe in God anyway.
When your life has turned upside down and it’s scary as hell, keep walking anyway.
When you’re making decisions that seem irrelevant to the nature of God, pray anyway.
When God calls you to do something for which you feel inadequate, go anyway.
When you see injustice happen before your eyes and doing something about it could hurt your reputation, do something about it anyway.
And to paraphrase the words of the French author, Anais Nin, When the risk to remain tight in a bud becomes more painful than the risk it takes to blossom, blossom anyway.

Rev. Nadia Bolz-Weber, an incredible, progressive, tattooed-up, and excuse my language, kick-ass Lutheran pastor recently spoke at the Pacific Lutheran Theological Seminary. In her commencement address she said this: “If you are worried that you have weaknesses, deficiencies, shortcomings you can stop worrying. You're right. You really don't have what it takes. But fortunately you do have the God that it takes.”

God’s business is not about forcing you to suffer or causing you harm or creating anxiety.
God made a covenant with David, as the Scripture says, of “Sure, solid, enduring love.” Would the God whose prerogative is love give you anything you can’t handle? Would the God who meets us where we are just toss us to the wind and hope we found our way? Would the God whose peace passes all understanding force us into the unknown without an ounce of support? Allow me to reassure you by reading, again, our second Scripture for today. Pay particular attention to God’s actions-- hear these words from Psalm 145--

The Lord is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
The Lord is good to all,
and his compassion is over all that he has made.
The Lord upholds all who are falling,
and raises up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food in due season.
You open your hand,
satisfying the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is just in all his ways,
and kind in all his doings.
The Lord is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
He fulfils the desire of all who fear him;
he also hears their cry, and saves them.
The Lord watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.
My mouth will speak the praise of the Lord,
and all flesh will bless God’s holy name for ever and ever.

Pause.

You know, they say that oftentimes the preacher is preaching the sermon more to herself than the congregation. Today might be one of those days. For those of you who don’t know, today is my last Sunday in Los Angeles. My last Sunday at Mount Hollywood Congregational Church. If you read my article in the newsletter, you know how I feel about you all... and if I go into it now, I will cry. So just read the article. But because it is my last Sunday, that means that I am, in a matter of three weeks, moving onto new and different things. I am transitioning from a life of complete service and intentional community, to that of academia... They’re not altogether different in the grand scheme of things, but for the sake of the real world... I am moving to a new city... meeting new people... starting at a new school... entering a Masters program... I am leaving behind everything I currently know. That’s a lot of newness as far as I’m concerned. And even as I stand up here, doing what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my life, I am worried... anxious... nervous...unprepared for what is to come. I feel inadequate and ill-equipped most of the time. So, with that, I will finish my sermon speaking not to you, as individuals or you as a congregation, but us as a collective whole... including myself, because I’m not going to even try to pretend that I have this figured out anymore than you.

So on those days when we can’t do it, know that God is there to catch us... that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy... and that doesn’t mean we won’t be embarrassed... and that doesn’t mean we won’t learn really hard lessons in the process.... and that doesn’t mean we won’t feel like failures sometimes.

But what it does mean... what it does mean... is that God will be near to us...God will save us...God will be kind to us...God will show us incomparable compassion... God will watch over us.... and God will love us. Because even though we don’t have what it takes, know and be assured that even in the scariest... darkest... most overwhelming times...

we have the God that it takes.


Amen and amen.

[family]

So as I'm starting to wind down my time here at MFP, I'm having all these really hard conversations with clients about my leaving MFP. We have to do it in a graceful ways so as to model what it's like for a client to also transition out of MFP when they age out at 25.

.....

Client: Where's Dave?

Me: Dave's out on vacation.

Client: Oh, ok so does that mean you're next?

Me: No, actually, Dave is gone this week then next week is our last week at MFP.

Client: Oh really?

Me:Yea, time flies huh? It's already been a year!

Client: Well, I suppose we all need to fly the coop at some point. I'm flying next month.

Me: Oh yea? Where are you headed?

Client: Well, I turn 25, so...

Me: Oh, really? Dang.

Client: Yea, well, I'll still come back once and a while. At least I've got a job and I'm saving up

money. It will certainly help aging out of here.

Me: Yup. That's awesome! Good for you! Besides, with that, you'll get to a point where you won't need us anymore.

Client: Well, you always need your family. You know? This [conversation] is always needed...

Me: You know we're always here for that.

[final words...]

My final article for the Congregationalist to finish out my JVC year...

==================

Before I started writing this article, I asked my roommate, John, what I should write about. I said: "I'm trying to figure out how to put this feeling of being at a loss for words into words." And he responded by saying: "Well, that speaks volumes itself, doesn't it?" He continued, "When I write, I usually start with an experience and I run it completely out, looking at every question I'm left with and try to to find a shred of meaning in the question, not the answer." So here's my question(s): Why am I at a loss for words? Why is this particular (final) article so hard to write?

John was right. It speaks volumes that I can't seem to wrap up my year with any kind of words. When I think about everything that has happened this year, I am awestruck and amazed. It was transformational, incredible, soul-shaping, life-altering. There's a part of me that just wants to end this article right there. But those words don't tell you how... or why... or what. So when I lack the words, I turn to Sacred Texts... so let’s start there and see where the Spirit takes us.

You know, they say that when you do JVC you become “Ruined for life.” However, I don’t know how I feel about the word “ruined.” I think a better word, a more spiritually relevant word, is broken. I have been broken for life. And while that may sound depressing and sad, it brings me the strongest sense of grace and love and hope. The author of 2 Corinthians said this in chapter 4: “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed.” I will admit, there were some days when I felt crushed and destroyed. But these verses ultimately get to the core of what made this year so transformational. Besides gaining an incredible network of support in my co-workers/community and getting to know over 500 young people, I was broken over and over again. My heart was afflicted, my mind was perplexed, my body felt persecuted, and my emotions had been struck down. I found myself struggling to gain the energy to go back to work day after day because I just didn’t know if I could handle the pain and struggle the youth would bring with them that day. At home, I found myself wrestling with the important questions of ideologies, theologies, and politics, causing me to break down what I thought I knew in order to open myself up to the ideas and opinions of others.

When we empty ourselves, or rather, when God graciously empties us, we find ourselves at our most vulnerable and fragile state. And that state is not one of which we are to be wary. But rather, one to embrace knowing that God will do incredible things through us and for us because we have allowed ourselves to be broken.

So here’s to emptying ourselves... over and over... and being broken... again and again. For where there is brokenness, there is healing, and where there is healing, there is a Healer. So when the words don’t come so easily or the troubles of the world seem like too much for today, know that the Healer is holding you in the palm of Her hand... always.

Strength for the journey, until we meet again (in a couple weeks!),

Emily

P.s. I will be in church on August 14th. See you there!

[a litany of JVC truths]

I was asked to speak at our final JVC retreat... here is what I said...

============

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
(Road Not Taken by Robert Frost)

So here we are, at the end of the road less traveled by... For some of us it was two years ago, but for most of us, it was just a year ago we embarked on this journey that was considered by most of our friends and family this "road less traveled by."

Andrew asked me to "analyze my JVC year" and gave me a few questions which could guide this little schpeil. As I looked them over I realized that if I were to go by those, I would be standing up here talking about myself. So, I decided to take a different, more JVC-esque approach, and make this as communal as possible... with a few anecdotes here and there.

I have written a litany of what I am calling "JVC Truths" because they are things that my roommates, the wider LA community, and hopefully most of you have come to realize over this past year. So, let's get to it, shall we?

-- Finding cheap entertainment is key. For example: going to free museum days, taking advantage of the talks at local universities, hiking in the park, window shopping, sliding down your staircase in your sleeping bag. Sometimes you gotta find the kid in you.

--On that same note, if free stuff is getting handed out... YOU TAKE IT! Food, pens, bags, etc. I don’t care what it is. You.Take. it!

-- You will probably find yourself stuffing your face because you never know where or when you might get your next meal. So, why not, right?

--You know, they say that there are a few topics that are totally taboo in American society: religion, politics, and your income. In JVC you live religion, talk about politics, and make fun of your income... because you come to learn that you earn $3 an hour for work that you are TOTALLY unqualified for.

--Speaking of work... you will RARELY be prepared for everything that happens at work. AKA Expect Surprises. For example the first day of work for Dave and I... while I’m on the verge of tears because I’m so overwhelmed I could hardly see straight, there were two or three fights that broke out. Someone got kneed in the face by his girlfriend, two guys started yelling and we thought it may get physical. It was really scary and surprising!

--If your agency hands out food because you're something like a homeless center or food pantry... and you're allowed to eat it... it's a GODSEND on those days you forgot to pack a lunch or didn’t know what to make for dinner.

--Never again will you think the same about big corporations-- such as Starbucks or Bank of America-- particularly if you spend time with Brendan Carey.

--Being a JV typically means taking public transportation... and, you probably found, that riding public transportation provides you with more entertainment than a typical Friday night. One time I was riding the bus and wound up next to this woman who was listening to ringtones on her phone... except instead of your regular ringtones they were incomprehensible songs. Then she started dancing in her seat, encouraging me to sing along. There I found myself on a Thursday night bustin a move to ringtones on the bus with a woman I didn’t know. If that’s not God, I don’t know what is.

--You have SOMEHOW managed to lose the napkin Amber gave you at orientation and gone without using one for an entire YEAR because it's a waste of a tree.

--You will likely think about having a garage sale several times during the year to earn some extra cash... particularly if you want to edge out your Korean neighbors who seem to have one every.single.weekend.

-- And, of course, no one parties like JV’s party... am I right?

Now for some different, more reverent, truths.

--You get out of JVC what you put in. Time, effort, strength, and love...

--Living in community isn’t always a picnic. But when it is, it’s one helluva picnic. You know how in movies when directors want to be really fancy and look down at a family having dinner from outside the house? There were several times when the other six people of my house would be at the dinner table and I would run to the kitchen to grab something and before I would sit down, it would hit me. This is the greatest community, with the most amazing people... and I am a part of it. Sometimes it felt like it wasn’t real life... and when i realized that it was, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. every.single.time.

--You can’t fix everything... unless you have lots of money... but then you probably have a miserable life. So, as the saying goes, live simply, so that others may simply live.

--Your job transformed you in ways you never could have imagined. For some of you, you may have found a new field of work... for others, perhaps you have cultivated new passions... and for those who didn’t do either of those things,, you figured out what you REALLY don’t want to do for the rest of your life. For me, this year has meant a lot of things. But in my time at My Friends Place, a drop in center for homeless and runaway youth in Hollywood, I found a fountain of passion flowing at my feet. I entered the year assuming I would just have a neat experience at a secular non-profit. But instead, I found a place to cultivate ministry skills, got to know some really incredible kids, and had an opportunity to step out of my box every day. And for all those things, I am so grateful.

-- To go along with that, JVC isn’t about you or me. It’s about we. It’s about the collective whole. Not just our wider JVC community, but our co-workers, and our clients. It’s about finding commonalities and uniting us as one human race. After all, WE ARE (all) HUMAN.

--Healthy debating and arguing... or as we like to call it in Casa JD, Breaking Down the Issues, inevitably happens. And if your lucky, it will consume your dinner conversations... and every other conversation... and you learn to love it.

--Every experience you have had and will have shapes who you have become and who you are becoming.... and know this... you are always becoming.

--You are always.exactly.where.you.are.supposed.to.be. This phrase helped me a lot with my Spirituality during the year. There were many times when I found myself being totally not present as I struggled at work and at home. But then I remembered that God has me where She wants me at every moment. A few weeks ago I wrote my pastor an outrageous email because I was pissed and upset about work. I felt useless, worthless and ineffective. I had failed to de-escalate an argument between clients because I lacked the words to do so. In her response back to my email she said: What is God calling YOU to as you face homelessness and de-escalation? With that, I learned to constantly be present to God’s role in my life and realizing that God has called me to be right where I am.... so then the question we need to constantly be asking ourselves is: What is God calling me to right now? What do I do with that? How do I respond to that call?

--Here’s something I realized early on: People will either love you for being a JV or be absolutely confused. Learning how to talk to people and how to phrase what you are doing will make this bizarre phenomenon easier to handle.

--No matter how cheesy “Ruined for life” may sound... admit it. You totally are.

-- Lastly, JVC life is the best life. And that’s a fact.

To quote Robert Frost again,
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

“I doubted if I should ever come back.”That’s what being ruined for life is all about. We will never be the same as we were a year ago... which can be scary and hard to manage once we’re back in the “real world.” But whether your house was flooded, roommates dropped out, you hated your job, or you didn’t get along with your community, things have changed. I know my perspectives on homelessness and poverty have certainly been altered...I know that love and compassion look completely different for me now... I know that I experienced some incredibly difficult moments this year and somehow made it through, and am better for it. And I’m sure that somewhere inside of you, something has changed too. I also know that in this end of the year/final days/dis-orientation stuff that we can get pretty caught up in good-byes and well wishes... in fact.. most of us already have. And that’s ok, right? It’s all a part of our transitioning onto new and different things. But “knowing how way leads onto way,” we acknowledge that whether it’s God working in our life or just the way life works, life happens, things change, we meet incredible people, and learn along the way.

So maybe you hated your year as a JV, or maybe you loved it... but either way, be assured that you took the road less traveled by... and it is my prayer that it has made all the difference....