[final words...]

My final article for the Congregationalist to finish out my JVC year...

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Before I started writing this article, I asked my roommate, John, what I should write about. I said: "I'm trying to figure out how to put this feeling of being at a loss for words into words." And he responded by saying: "Well, that speaks volumes itself, doesn't it?" He continued, "When I write, I usually start with an experience and I run it completely out, looking at every question I'm left with and try to to find a shred of meaning in the question, not the answer." So here's my question(s): Why am I at a loss for words? Why is this particular (final) article so hard to write?

John was right. It speaks volumes that I can't seem to wrap up my year with any kind of words. When I think about everything that has happened this year, I am awestruck and amazed. It was transformational, incredible, soul-shaping, life-altering. There's a part of me that just wants to end this article right there. But those words don't tell you how... or why... or what. So when I lack the words, I turn to Sacred Texts... so let’s start there and see where the Spirit takes us.

You know, they say that when you do JVC you become “Ruined for life.” However, I don’t know how I feel about the word “ruined.” I think a better word, a more spiritually relevant word, is broken. I have been broken for life. And while that may sound depressing and sad, it brings me the strongest sense of grace and love and hope. The author of 2 Corinthians said this in chapter 4: “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed.” I will admit, there were some days when I felt crushed and destroyed. But these verses ultimately get to the core of what made this year so transformational. Besides gaining an incredible network of support in my co-workers/community and getting to know over 500 young people, I was broken over and over again. My heart was afflicted, my mind was perplexed, my body felt persecuted, and my emotions had been struck down. I found myself struggling to gain the energy to go back to work day after day because I just didn’t know if I could handle the pain and struggle the youth would bring with them that day. At home, I found myself wrestling with the important questions of ideologies, theologies, and politics, causing me to break down what I thought I knew in order to open myself up to the ideas and opinions of others.

When we empty ourselves, or rather, when God graciously empties us, we find ourselves at our most vulnerable and fragile state. And that state is not one of which we are to be wary. But rather, one to embrace knowing that God will do incredible things through us and for us because we have allowed ourselves to be broken.

So here’s to emptying ourselves... over and over... and being broken... again and again. For where there is brokenness, there is healing, and where there is healing, there is a Healer. So when the words don’t come so easily or the troubles of the world seem like too much for today, know that the Healer is holding you in the palm of Her hand... always.

Strength for the journey, until we meet again (in a couple weeks!),

Emily

P.s. I will be in church on August 14th. See you there!