+Lent2010: Relationship with God+

So I started blogging about something only to realize I was contradicting myself and running in circles… and those kinds of blogs are the loathsome ones. So here we are with something entirely different.

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In the book we’re currently reading for my theology capstone (David Kelsey’s Eccentric Existence: A theological anthropology), he asks about the relationship of us to God. He asks: “How is it that human beings relate to God?” This gets me thinking… while Kelsey discusses this in theological terms, I think about it in faithful terms. (Faith is something that often gets lost in the academia of college.) What does it mean for me to be faithful to God? I mean, for those of you who know me well, social justice is a major part of my life but I can’t just do works. James’ letter in the NT says something about faith without works is dead… but what about works without faith? I mean, I trust that God exists and when it comes down to it faith and trust are the same word in biblical terms. But how do I show my devotion to God?

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Ok, so I pray whenever I go to bed… rarely otherwise. I go to church on Sunday. I try to make systemic change happen on behalf of Christ. But what else? My relationship with God is not so hot these days. That is my hope for this lent… that by doing these blog entries I find myself connecting with God on a deeper level. I have lost my time to journal… and so I figure baby steps. When overwhelmed with something major, Anne Lamott always says, “Bird by bird… just take it bird by bird.” So, start with blogging, maybe it will turn into journaling, and then who knows what. I do love processing though and I don’t do enough of it… at all. I miss it.

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So here’s to Lent.

+Lent2010: Home+

Martin Copenhaver, in today's Stillspeaking Devotional, talked about what home is like. He drew on Psalm 91 to help us understand what he was saying.

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"My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust."

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Where is home for you? Is it where you grew up? Where you currently live? Home is that place where you can be yourself... where you can go for a while to be refreshed... where you feel loved and accepted.

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But what do you do when that place is no where in reach? You can't just uproot and re-establish home... can you? In the past year I have been to New Zealand, Rome, Guatemala, Elmhurst, and Battle Creek. Home for me is in Battle Creek. I LOVE NZ and Elmhurst. I love Guatemala and Rome was nice too. But what about next year? If I get my way with JVC, I'll be in Sacramento for a year. I won't be coming home for minor holidays or a weekend off. I won't even be able to come home just for a few days to be refreshed and renewed. I do that sometimes when I can't be at school anymore... I just drive home to get away.

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So next year I can't drive home. I will be home maybe twice during the year. How am I going to keep myself sane? Well, first I remind myself, Battle Creek won't necessarily be able to be that refuge for me forever, so I suppose I might as well get used to it.

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BUT

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Psalm 91 reminds us that God.... God is the constant in this equation. Even when home is filled with stress... or when home is unreachable... God is our fortress.... God is our refuge. God protects us and gives us a safe place to land. God loves us, accepts us. God refreshes and restores our souls and our very being. We can be ourselves in front of God because... God knows our innermost being. She knit us in our mother's wombs, afterall.

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So next time I'm worried about not going home, I'm going to call on God. Jesus said, "Come all who are weary and laden with burdens for I will give you rest." So be with me God. When home is just too far away, be with me. Grant me rest and peace. For your love overcomes everything else.

+Lent2010: Doing Lent Together+

At St. Pete's Ash Wednesday service last night, Rev. Vertigan said something while preparing the elements for communion. He invited us to share together throughout our lenten journey.

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We always talk about doing the lenten journey together.

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This is important. We are never alone. Ash Wednesday (and part of the focus on Lent, really) is to focus on the brokenness that exists in our lives. To recognize that we are just dust. We have our flaws. We are miniscule. We build little things up to be so much more of a big deal than they really are. But guess what? It doesn't matter. My grades won't make or break my life. The petty arguments shouldn't ruin a friendship. It's about putting things in perspective.

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Where you do you find yourself in Christ's story this Lenten journey? Are you mourning the loss of a loved one? Are you rejoicing in a new life brought into this world? Are you suffering through the trials of life? No matter where you are on this journey to the cross or the resurrection, you aren't alone. Take joy in that fact. You have people pulling for you, supporting you, rejoicing with you, and crying with you. We... They... are out there.

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We walk the Lenten Journey together. We are never alone.

+Lent2010: Ash Wednesday and the Lenten Journey+

So typically people give something up for lent. However, I have decided to add something on. I know, I know, I'm already so busy. But that's the point. This is a different kind of adding on. Sacrificing something for Lent helps you focus on that one thing. With that said, I am focusing on my spirituality. I have committed to meditating for 5 minutes a day (just 5...) and blogging about the meditation for the day. I get the Daily UCC Devotional and the Inward/Outward post, AND I have the Episcopal Relief and Development Lenten Devotional (ERDLD). Between the three of these, I will find something to blog about daily. This gives me time to separate myself from the academia of my final semester and the craziness of everyday life.

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logistics: I will start with the scripture or an excerpt (depending on the source about which I am writing) followed my by thoughts.

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"So this is the dilemma: remembering that God is all loving and all forgiving, and at the same time accepting accountability for the fact that we just don't get it." (ERDLD)

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One of my friends is a Young Adult Volunteer through the PCUSA and is located at Vanderbilt University as an assistant in the Chaplain's Office. She was telling me the other day that she has to write the reflection for tonight's Ash Wednesday service but was struggling for words. To help her, I gave her my thoughts. I said, "You know, I think Ash Wednesday is about humbling ourselves and recognizing our humanity and mortality all in the same day. From dust we were made and to dust we shall return. It reminds us that we are insignificant little specks in history and on this earth. But despite our status, God still loves us." When we, as dust, drift too far God pulls us back in and forgives us. No matter what, God loves us and cares for us. So often we are expected to be everything and do everything and care for everything and achieve everything and love everyone and be with everyone and love God all at the same time. But we are just dust. We don't need to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. And most of the time (for me anyway) loving God comes last on that list. Spending time with God is the last thing on my mind when I have hundreds of pages to read and several pages to write, meetings to attend and people to care for. But guess what

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God forgives us. And God loves us.

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So this Lent I am committing myself to meditating and blogging. Spending time with God in silence and through the typed word. I am letting myself be vulnerable to you all who read. But that's what being dust is all about. Being vulnerable and being messy and knowing... that no matter what...

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God still loves us.

+--Sabbath--+

It's only the first weekend at school and I'm stressed.

Same story as usual, right?

yea.

But this time it's good because i'm learning how to manage it. We read Wayne Muller's "Sabbath" at church a few years ago. It has amazing advice and thoughts on how to stay connected to God and yourself in those days when it seems like you have way too much to do for the time allowed.

But God is funny...

1) I get the i.ucc daily devotional and some days it's a bother because it's just something else to read. But sometimes it's really good and really worth reading. This morning it was about surrendering and how you just have to let God do God's job... "let God be God." Yea, I forget about that. I will get my stuff done, no matter how overwhelmed I am. I always do.

2) My iCalendar on my computer doesn't allow you to put anything in it past 11:15pm. I think that's on purpose. The best part about this is that as soon as I got my homework assignment for my art class done and was planning to hop into bed, my clock said 11:14. Nice timing, eh? Well, then I decided to blog so it will be later than that, but God's doing God's job... and i'm allowing for that.

3) We learned on our interfaith retreat two weekends ago that we need to fill our buckets. [insert witty comment about buckets] This has helped me process the fact that I have various friends on campus but only a few really good ones. With this in mind, I have to allow myself to fill my bucket. I can hear you all now: ok, ok, but what does it mean to fill your bucket?! Well, let me tell you. Surround yourself with the people that love you. Surround yourself with family who love you. Surround yourself with people and activities that allow you to be who you are and help you be the best "you" you can be. Do things you like doing. Only do the things you don't like doing when you have to. Have fun. This is why I spend the majority of my time in the Niebuhr Center where people love me and care for me and want to spend time with me. I do this because I don't want to be in my room where some of my roommates complain tirelessly and do unproductive things. I love them, but they can be exhausting sometimes. So, fill your bucket with love.

This is what I've learned. And i'm doing pretty well at putting it into practice.

Let's recap, shall we?

1. Let God be God.

2. Stop doing things at 11:15 and rest.

3. Fill your bucket.

That's a pretty good list, if I do say so myself.

On the note of Sabbath, I'm cutting a chunk out of my Saturday's so that after 4pm I do not do any homework. That allows me time to regroup, have fun and rest. Even though it's only a little bit of free time, it's good to just... be.

Oh, and let me add another point...

4. Keep breathing.