~Finding God::16~

"Dance your cares away, worries for another day, let the music play... down at fragglerock!"

(in my case... New Zealand)

Lists, schedules, calendars, mapping out, scratching out, adding more. 

This is my life. More and more I realize just how worried I really am. All the time.  I was in my Eastern Spiritualities class, learning about Buddhism and my professor told a proverb... I didn't think I would forget it, so I didn't write it down... but I have since forgotten. Anyway, it was about worrying. (More on this later.) Anyway, my mind, always hurried to find comparisons, took me to Matthew 6:34 which says (in the Message) "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."  I was reminded, as I always am when I read this passage, that God's got my back. But, this is different. 

This is the plight of my life. God, nor Jesus, NOR the Holy Spirit for that matter, try as I may, will do my homework for me! Yea, Go dmay have given me the knowledge and gifts that I have. And perhaps Jesus is my motivator (in a practical aspect) to get me through my work so I can get to seminary and help change the world. And perhaps the Holy Spirit moves over me to encourage me occasionally. But no matter how much I plead, I always wind up with the homework in front of me at the end of the day. 

(Jokes. They're jokes I tell you.) 

Homework is piling up. Travel plans are being made. Fun is being had. My spirit is losing its vigor-- HOW AM I TO BALANCE EVERYTHING!?

Momma always tells me to look at the big picture... "Honey, look at it in the grand scheme of things..." she says. And I know, I KNOW I'm in New Zealand. I should be enjoying it!!! And I am. I really really am. But I can't help but to let my competitive self let go of this addiction. Buddhists learn to let go. To detach themselves from anything and everything. The world is full of suffering and frustration they say. Finding your inner, not-self (don't ask, I can't explain) and a way to beat the complex and ill world is their goal. They do this through practices, especially through meditation. I should try it and see where it gets me. It can never hurt right? 

Back to this being worried thing. I know God is behind me all the time. I was encouraged, as I was thinking about applying to become the president of the interfaith organization at Elmhurst, by the verse about all things working together for the good of those who love God.  Easy enough, right? God's presence is so visible. God is funny. Hear me out...

[Friend 1 and Friend 2 are two of my closest friends... I just didn't want their names in here.]

I had a dream a few nights ago where I was in a big fellowship hall and I was surrounded by Elmhurst students. I knew some, but not all of them. We were standing up and were ready to hold hands and pray.  When I told the bunch at the other end of the circle to spread out, suddenly, more people came out of the circle... so many so that we had both EC and SYI people and then some! We were soon spread out at all sorts of tables and a guy, who I feel like must have been involved in our Campus Crusade for Christ, got up, said about 5 sentences of prayer, and concluded with an Amen. Then he asked if anyone who is struggling or in despair would remian seated. I look cross the room and Friend 1 and Friend 2 are still sitting down, among others. The guy says, "I don't know what I was going to do about it, I just wanted to check." Weird. So then I do one of those up-nods to Friend 1 comes over to me. All i keep saying is "i've missed you so much. I miss you." And as tears stream down my face, all she can say is, "I want to cry." And so my alarm goes off. 

I talked to Friend 2 the next day and asked if she was ok, genuinely, truly ok. She said yes (Phew). Then I emailed Friend 1. She emailed me back in awe. She is graduating from college in a week or so and had her last class with her most beloved professor/mentor on campus that day. She asked if I was sleeping at the equivalent to 9am-4pm that day... This was the case.  As the reality of her being done with college and leaving such a wonderful place set in, her professor said she wanted to cry. So did my friend. She said the feeling never left her. 

WOW. If I ever had any doubt in God, it was depleted in that moment. I have never felt that before. The fact that we were so connected through a complex dream from other ends of the world. There's something about it that was just so Divinely inspired. 

I realized that I don't need to worry about anything. God has always been there and will always be there. Unfortunately, homework is part of my earthly duties, so I shall keep plugging away at it for now. I will attempt meditation to get my soul back to somehwat-center. And all at the same time, I will ...

"Dance my cares away, worries for another day, let the music play... down in New Zealand."

(Who knew you could find God in Fraggle Rock? Thank you Jim Henson.)