+Lent2010: Love+

The Episcopal Lenten devotional I am reading daily raised a question I have never thought about before... So they (all of the NT writers, and God...) say that Jesus came to live among us and love us. Jesus loved us so much that he died for our sins, right? But what if Jesus didn't like us? I mean, he came to earth and experienced anger, fear, cruelty, greed, corruption, brutality...

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But Jesus still loved us. I suppose this gets into that debate over Jesus' divinity. Is Jesus 50% human and 50% divine? 100% Human and 100% divine or just one or the other? So many options! I still haven't found my own answer to this question (although I lean towards the second option...) but even in thinking about it, it begs the question: Even if Jesus was partially human, don't you suppose he got sick and tired of people being... people? A human's array of emotions is just ridiculous and the fact that we only see a few of those in Jesus (sadness, anger, joy) makes it seem like Jesus had to be more divine than human.

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It could be because Jesus is/was God and so therefore God has to love all people. But even God showed frustration with the Israelites back in the OT... I don't know. I'm stuck.

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The point to the devotional this morning was the fact that Jesus' message was to love God and then prove it by loving your neighbor as yourself... and I know I don't love my neighbor all the time. But his statement means I have to love myself before I can love my neighbor... and I don't know if I love myself. I don't know how one measures such a thing.

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hm.

+Lent2010: Awe+

The greatest insights happen to us in moments of awe.-- Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel

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So often the word "awesome" gets misused. I am a prime suspect, too. I always say something is "awesome" but does it really deserve it? I mean, if the greatest insights happen in moments of awe... when something is awe-worthy, it must have a major impact on someone or something.

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I know that for me, a lot of God moments come at awe-worthy times. The dictionary defines awe as: a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder. Fear... OR... wonder. Fear in the Bible typically means "awe." So, what does that mean for us?

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When we come across something that is so incredible we feel God's presence... or we see an interaction between people that would otherwise seem so random.... or we see something of natural beauty which is nearly unfathomable... All of these are awe-producing. All of these, for me, are God moments. Of course God moments vary, but most recently, I was in a worship service that was so spirit filled, I knew God had to be there. It is those moments that are awesome...

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It wasn't something someone said or did... rather, those moments when I realize something because I feel God's presence... When I realize that this person is also a child of God even though they have been neglected for so long. When I realize that life is about so much more than homework. When I realize that God is present because I can feel it.

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What do you find awesome?

+Lent2010: Relationship with God+

So I started blogging about something only to realize I was contradicting myself and running in circles… and those kinds of blogs are the loathsome ones. So here we are with something entirely different.

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In the book we’re currently reading for my theology capstone (David Kelsey’s Eccentric Existence: A theological anthropology), he asks about the relationship of us to God. He asks: “How is it that human beings relate to God?” This gets me thinking… while Kelsey discusses this in theological terms, I think about it in faithful terms. (Faith is something that often gets lost in the academia of college.) What does it mean for me to be faithful to God? I mean, for those of you who know me well, social justice is a major part of my life but I can’t just do works. James’ letter in the NT says something about faith without works is dead… but what about works without faith? I mean, I trust that God exists and when it comes down to it faith and trust are the same word in biblical terms. But how do I show my devotion to God?

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Ok, so I pray whenever I go to bed… rarely otherwise. I go to church on Sunday. I try to make systemic change happen on behalf of Christ. But what else? My relationship with God is not so hot these days. That is my hope for this lent… that by doing these blog entries I find myself connecting with God on a deeper level. I have lost my time to journal… and so I figure baby steps. When overwhelmed with something major, Anne Lamott always says, “Bird by bird… just take it bird by bird.” So, start with blogging, maybe it will turn into journaling, and then who knows what. I do love processing though and I don’t do enough of it… at all. I miss it.

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So here’s to Lent.

+Lent2010: Home+

Martin Copenhaver, in today's Stillspeaking Devotional, talked about what home is like. He drew on Psalm 91 to help us understand what he was saying.

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"My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust."

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Where is home for you? Is it where you grew up? Where you currently live? Home is that place where you can be yourself... where you can go for a while to be refreshed... where you feel loved and accepted.

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But what do you do when that place is no where in reach? You can't just uproot and re-establish home... can you? In the past year I have been to New Zealand, Rome, Guatemala, Elmhurst, and Battle Creek. Home for me is in Battle Creek. I LOVE NZ and Elmhurst. I love Guatemala and Rome was nice too. But what about next year? If I get my way with JVC, I'll be in Sacramento for a year. I won't be coming home for minor holidays or a weekend off. I won't even be able to come home just for a few days to be refreshed and renewed. I do that sometimes when I can't be at school anymore... I just drive home to get away.

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So next year I can't drive home. I will be home maybe twice during the year. How am I going to keep myself sane? Well, first I remind myself, Battle Creek won't necessarily be able to be that refuge for me forever, so I suppose I might as well get used to it.

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BUT

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Psalm 91 reminds us that God.... God is the constant in this equation. Even when home is filled with stress... or when home is unreachable... God is our fortress.... God is our refuge. God protects us and gives us a safe place to land. God loves us, accepts us. God refreshes and restores our souls and our very being. We can be ourselves in front of God because... God knows our innermost being. She knit us in our mother's wombs, afterall.

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So next time I'm worried about not going home, I'm going to call on God. Jesus said, "Come all who are weary and laden with burdens for I will give you rest." So be with me God. When home is just too far away, be with me. Grant me rest and peace. For your love overcomes everything else.

+Lent2010: Doing Lent Together+

At St. Pete's Ash Wednesday service last night, Rev. Vertigan said something while preparing the elements for communion. He invited us to share together throughout our lenten journey.

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We always talk about doing the lenten journey together.

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This is important. We are never alone. Ash Wednesday (and part of the focus on Lent, really) is to focus on the brokenness that exists in our lives. To recognize that we are just dust. We have our flaws. We are miniscule. We build little things up to be so much more of a big deal than they really are. But guess what? It doesn't matter. My grades won't make or break my life. The petty arguments shouldn't ruin a friendship. It's about putting things in perspective.

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Where you do you find yourself in Christ's story this Lenten journey? Are you mourning the loss of a loved one? Are you rejoicing in a new life brought into this world? Are you suffering through the trials of life? No matter where you are on this journey to the cross or the resurrection, you aren't alone. Take joy in that fact. You have people pulling for you, supporting you, rejoicing with you, and crying with you. We... They... are out there.

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We walk the Lenten Journey together. We are never alone.