God has been found a lot lately. I'm noticing in everything I do, everyone I meet; prayers are being answered in some form, I'm seeing amazing beauty.
We got spring break-- the largest burden ever-- figured out for the most part. I don't know how much of this was us getting our butts in gear or God's grace and mercy on our souls, but I am happy. I have been so good as of late. I had an epiphany last week that has made me so content and at peace in God... Here's what happened...
::::So I keep telling myself that I'm here because I want to change part of who I am. I was telling a friend that I wanted to change the part of me that can be uptight, anxious, orderly. These are the reasons I was so nervous about spring break. BUT in the shower last week some time I realized... If I'm a child of God and God made me the way I am, then I have no reason to try to change. I can push myself, and I should (I am!), but that doesnt mean I have to force feed change into my life. Knowing the way I work, this is going to be mainly a "retrospective learning adventure." I have learned a lot already but I know when I get home I'm going to look back on this experience and realize how I have changed. This means I don't have to do things because other people are doing them. The idea that we might go camping for a few nights over break- not appealing, but i'm finding it more exciting than before. Do i like camping? No, but because I've been so willing to just let myself be free, I'm more comfortable with it suddenly. I can't WANT change ... at least not like this... I have to let it happen. I have to learn from my mistakes and live it up. This won't happen by me changing who I am. I can't do that. But I can prayerfully live it up.
So I am. Since realizing that, I have been so much happier here. And now that SB plans are figured out, I can focus on my studies and not worry so much. I don't think I could be happier right now. I can focus, be excited and awaiting the next adventure, and study all at the same time.
God is so.good.
1 comment:
Emily - I'm appreciating your blogs...and your occasional contributions to FCC's blog. Delighted to read your happy and thriving...keep posting! Karen P.
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